Waiting

I've been wrestling with God a bit and finally decided that it might benefit me to get my thoughts down on paper. I find that often this helps me clarify issues and, sometimes, actually allows me to hear what God has been trying to say to me. So...

I've been thinking about waiting. I remember being pregnant and the long wait for the much anticipated birth. That's a good kind of waiting. I was excited. I was anxious to meet my baby. But in the meantime, I had things to do and preparations to make. Those preparations added to the whole atmosphere of wonder and awe and gratefulness for how God was blessing me.

But what about when we are waiting for things that aren't so good? I have been so conscious lately of the difficulties in many lives. What about waiting for a job? You apply everywhere you can think of and still nothing comes through and the bills continue to pile up. Or maybe you already have a job but it's so miserable that you hate waking up to face it five days a week. And yet, God doesn't seem to give you a way out, at least not yet. Many, many years ago, Paul's mother was very ill with cancer. We had prayed for miracles, for physical healing, but God said, "No." His miracle was to take her home. Waiting for that miracle was agony. She got worse, she didn't know us, she suffered. We took to borrowing an empty hospital room so that we had a place to pray and we begged God to end it! We had accepted that she was not going to be healed in this earthly lifetime so we became anxious for her to wake up on heaven's side. We waited.

How do we understand God's timing? Can we understand God's timing? We can rejoice while we are waiting on God for things that we count as blessings but can we rejoice as we trudge inevitably towards tragedy? I have friends whose tiny daughter will have surgery this week. Each day brings them one day closer to the day they will turn her over to doctors who will cut into her little body. They rejoice in the fact that the outcome will, Lord willing, solve this little one's physical issues but they still have to watch her suffer, be fearful, and then go through the operation and recovery. Other times, we aren't assured of such a positive result. I remember a family member laboring to deliver a child that she already knew was no longer with her but was already held by God. She still had to suffer through labor with absolutely no promise or hope of a reward at the end. Life can be so incredibly painful!

How must Jesus have felt as each day brought him a step closer to the cross? I don't tend to think about that because I have this idea that His suffering was tempered by His all-knowing ability. After all, He was God, He knew what He would go through, but He also knew the end result and He understood why He was going to suffer. But even God in the flesh was subject to the terrible suffering that sin had caused. Just because He was Christ didn't mean that He was exempt. In fact, His suffering was unimaginable, at least to me. And yet, He willingly walked towards it and, for my sake, embraced it.

I often question the "why" of things. What is the purpose of a miscarriage? Couldn't a person just skip that? Is it really necessary for a couple to go through the sting of infertility? What about my failed marriage? I feel like I'm waiting, day after day, for...something. I have no idea for what. How is God using this in my life or in the lives of those around me? And couldn't He have accomplished His will some other way? Why are some marriages still intact but so empty and lonely? Must our little ones be bullied, teased, or left out? And why do some struggle with disabilities?

I am not sure that I will ever understand the point of the personal pains that have affected those I love. However, I do not doubt that God is in control. As a Christian, I know that I am commanded to submit to God. Part of submission is releasing to Him the "why" of things. It is a helpless feeling, waiting as calamity approaches and knowing that you cannot step out of its path. Such is the nature of our human existence, calm days and then tornadoes. Yet the Bible tells me that He knew me, formed me, chose me, and designed me for a purpose. Me! God has things for me to do that are only for me, a purpose beyond myself but a purpose uniquely mine. The same is true for each one of us. Do I trust the Lord? Can I trust Him with my pain? Or harder still, can I trust Him with my children and their suffering? The question isn't, "Can I?" The question is, "Will I?" And while I wait, will I glorify Him? I hope and pray so. Nothing else makes sense.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to Him,
    and He will direct your paths.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Psalm 139                 http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/? search=psalms%20139&version=NIV

While I Am Waiting - John Waller      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHztEiKko0E

My grandchild and Lord of the Rings

I have a grandchild out there somewhere. He or she may have already been born but maybe not. They might just still be a thought. But still, they're out there and we are all waiting for God to reveal to us who it is! I'm talking, of course, about the child that Donny and Melissa will adopt one day. It has been a long journey for them and there is still a ways to go but they continue to move forward. They are unable to have children and it is a heartbreak for them. However, God has been preparing their hearts for years and steering them towards adoption. They used to think they would try to do a private adoption. Who knows? That may yet be in their future. But for now, they are leaning towards adopting through the foster care system. They went through Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" some time ago and they are very dedicated to staying out of debt. Private adoption can be very expensive. But even more than the finances, God has been calling them to "care for orphans" and they are realizing that may mean a less than ideal situation. The child may be a little older, may have issues or challenges, may be a little more difficult. (Of course, biological children can be a pain as well, if you get my drift.☺) They love children and long to have a child of their own and if this is how God is going to provide that child then they are up for it!

As their parent, I admire them and I am so proud of them. I also ache for them. Why must something so natural, so basic, be so hard for some? As a mom, I want to protect my children, even when they're grown. I don't want them to struggle or suffer. But that isn't how the world operates, is it? Pain is everywhere.

I'm a little behind the times because I have just watched the first of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. I know, it's been out forever. I don't know where I was. Anyway, I liked it quite a lot and am happily waiting for the 2nd one to arrive from Netflix. While I was watching the movie, I thought of Donny and Melissa. Frodo says to Gandalf, "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." And haven't I said the same sort of thing? "I wish my marriage hadn't fallen apart." "I wish my mom hadn't died." "I wish Donny and Melissa weren't unable to have children."

Gandalf replies to Frodo, "So do all who live to see such times but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." Frodo finds himself on a seemingly impossible quest to return the ring to its birthplace, thereby saving the world from evil. There have been times when I think Donny and Melissa have felt that this "quest" for children is so daunting and overwhelming that it borders on the impossible. But they see God working and moving and that continues to encourage them. Of course, they wish they could have had a birth child. But that wasn't for them to decide. Of course, I wish my marriage had survived. Again, it wasn't for me to decide. God chooses, He filters, He allows. We just have to decide what we will do with the circumstances that come our way.

 “I am God and there is no other…My counsel shall stand and I will accomplish all My purpose” (Isaiah 46:10).

 “God does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth and none can stay His hand or say to Him, ‘What doest Thou?’” (Daniel 4:35).

 “But He is unchangeable and who can turn Him? What He desires, that He does. For He will complete what He appoints for me” (Job 23:13, 14). 


For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.  Psalm 84:11

Agony of the Soul

I recently spent some time with a person who was experiencing what I can only describe as "agony of the soul". He was truly suffering as he ranted against all the people who have ever hurt him and also was suffering as he contemplated his many poor choices and failures. I felt so sorry for him and so inadequate for the task of trying to encourage him and assure him of God's love for him. In spite of the very real pain that he was in he still couldn't seem to grasp that there was any hope for him. It was as if he had made a decision to screw up his life and had also resigned himself to an eternity in hell, believing that there was no other option for a man such as himself. He was more willing to rail against the world's injustices than to even consider a different path. He also couldn't fathom trusting justice to God and yet he was so frustrated with his own inability to extract justice. I realized, as I listened to him, that too often I judge, criticize, nag, or attempt to manipulate a person but I don't really know what is going on inside them. What I witnessed that day was a person who was being eaten alive from the inside out. I asked him if he thought that all the hurts that he held onto and all the injustices he felt had been committed against him were any worse than the hurt that I had suffered at the hands of the man who had sworn to love and cherish me forever. (My girls tell me I always win when I pull out that card!  ☺ ) I realized that though I had been hurt terribly and I still mourn the loss of my husband, I was not in the sad state that this man was. Had I ever been? I'm not sure. Certainly, when Paul first left me, my heartache was much rawer than it is now. I also had to look at my own failures in my marriage. But I always had the Lord right with me and I felt His presence and I never doubted that He would bring me through this and He has. As I ached over my mom's illness and death and even my own fears about inheriting a tendency towards Parkinson's, I was comforted by knowing that she would be forever with the Lord and that eventually, so would I. As I attempted to explain myself to the man crying in front of me, I found that God was ministering to me while I thought I was ministering to him. By expressing my thoughts and beliefs out loud to someone else, they were cemented in my mind. I was able to say, "Yes! I am His, praise God!" And I wouldn't trade that for anything. The pain we go through on this earth is nothing compared to the joy that will be ours in heaven. I was reminded of the words to the song, "Eagle's Wings". To be hidden in His love brings me to my knees and that is exactly where I need to be. Though it was difficult to watch, I was grateful for the glimpse into the human soul that was living (or trying to live) without the Lord. The pain of living without Him eclipses any earthly loss. I left that day, far more thankful for the peace that is mine and far more determined to pray for those still suffering and searching.


"Here I am waiting, abide in me I pray.
Here I am longing for You.
Hide me in Your love, bring me to my knees.
May I know Jesus more and more.

Come live in me, all my life take over.
Come breathe in me. I will rise on eagle's wings."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNiJZIs_tgk

A Hard One

Been thinking some hard thoughts lately. Or maybe, more accurately, I should say that I have been avoiding thinking them. They touch just at the edge of my conscious mind before I push them away. I don't want to let them in. I think it's because I have no idea where they will end up. Too many thoughts rattling around in my head and I can't sort them all out. But it's two in the morning and, thanks to the prednisone I am currently on, I am still awake. I figured I might as well do a little exploration. Not sure if it's wise to share so personally but somehow, this writing is therapeutic for me and maybe my crazy thoughts are in someone else's head too.

It has occurred to me that I don't cry much at all any more over my failed marriage. I don't think it's that I'm over it. I'm wondering if I just needed to take a break from the effort of trying to understand what has happened. Will I ever make sense of an event that was so wrong? I doubt it. But I can't seem to let it go either. Do I still love him, miss him? I'm sure that's part of it, in spite of all that has happened. But there is much more and at the root of it is my pride. His total rejection and abandonment of me has thrown me. Am I so unworthy? So unlovable? I know I was far from perfect but when I'm rational, I also know that it probably wasn't much about me. His hurts, insecurities, desires, and weaknesses eventually got the upper hand. My weaknesses and failings contributed to the mix. And yet, I missed it for so long. He seems to me to be an illusion, someone I thought I knew but obviously did not. Again, my pride takes a beating. I mean, after all, shouldn't I have seen it coming? Couldn't I have done something to help both of us? As I look back on my life it seems robbed of all validation, like none of it was what it seemed. There must have been very real times, wonderful times, but now I question it all.

There are moments when I want to talk to him so badly and many days when I honestly wonder how he is and, I'm a little embarrassed to say, some times when I worry about him. I can't even keep track of how many times I wonder if he ever misses me, thinks about me, imagines how I am. I suspect he figures I'm fine, figures I never really needed him, figures he has left me in the capable care and comfort of a father, daughters, grandchildren, friends. And to a large degree, that is true. I am fine. I really am! But that doesn't mean I don't hurt.

We can never, on this earth, escape the pain that accompanies living on a planet corrupted by sin. As a Christian, I have the Lord as my resource and strength and certainly, it is only because of His graciousness to me that I can say, "I'm fine." But the hard part is accepting that God does not remove me from the pain. Nor does He remove the pain from me. I am a doer, a follower of lists, an administrator. Can't it just be that I need to pray more? Do more Bible Study? Minister to others more? Then life wouldn't hurt so much? Certainly, I would benefit from all those things. But no matter, my joy will not be complete until I am lifted from this world and safely in the arms of my Father. So that is what my struggle boils down to - accepting the pain while rejoicing in the blood of Jesus that saved me and the Glory of God that awaits me.

Please don't think that this is a depressing state I'm in. In fact, I just might be about ready to burst out the other side of "down in the dumps". Often, when I let myself think too hard, I can relate to the philosophy that  says, "life sucks and then you die!" But if I continued in that frame of mind I would miss all that God has for me here and now. When I bang on heaven's door and complain to God and beg Him to ease my pain right now, I deprive myself of what He can offer me in the meantime. I owe my life to Him and the work that was accomplished on the cross and my future lies in the hope I have in His eternal promises. It all sounds so lofty but grabbing hold of this truth is what I want to make real in my life. My pain pales in comparison to most people's lives and I feel insignificant even talking about it. But, it's where I'm at and it's my pain so I have to deal with it. Comparing myself to someone else will only make me feel guilty (I'm a master at that) and won't help any in the long run.

My struggle is not really because of a failed marriage. That just happens to be a symptom in my life of the sin that permeates our world. I want the Lord to change me, from the inside out, so that my perspective is completely different. I want to live like I've already got one foot off this earth and reaching towards heaven, holding out a hand to reach for His, able to cry because it hurts but also to sing because I know what awaits me.

What is wrong with me?

Not exactly sure what's wrong with me. My funk that I thought was caused by my water tank problems has lasted far too long. Maybe it is because there are still days when I either fall asleep thinking of Paul or I wake up thinking of him. The other night I even dreamed about him for a minute. I dreamed I was sitting next to him and all of a sudden I turned towards him and said, "Why did you throw me under the bus?" Is that weird or what? But it tells you what is really on my mind. I am struggling again to try to understand the unexplainable. It is an exercise in futility to be sure but one I keep returning to. It's the only exercise I indulge in these days.

I'm tempted to ask the Lord to remove thoughts of Paul from my mind but I am hesitant to do that. What if God answered my prayer and did just that? Not only would it erase Paul from my mind but it would basically eliminate my whole life. I can't remember a time without Paul. So if I can't think about Paul I also can't think about all the good times throughout the years. Somehow I need to learn to be able to remember the past, the good and the bad, and accept it as it is. I'm a great one for telling my girls to accept something, pick themselves up and get over it but I'm not following my own advice.

The Eagles, my all-time favorite band, said it well in their song, Get Over It:

You drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag, you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringin' everybody down
Complain about the present and blame it on the past

Get over it
Get over it
It's gotta stop sometime, so why don't you quit
Get over it, get over it

Is that what I'm doing? Wallowing in the pain? Complaining and blaming it on the past? You know, it's possible. I do well at presenting the image of a fairly healthy, functioning adult woman. But when alone it's a different story. I waste time, I wallow, I wonder, I worry. (I always wanted to do that alliteration stuff - you know, like the preachers do in their sermon bullet points. Ah, but I digress. ) Anyway, no matter how much I talk to myself, talk to others, talk to God, the fact remains that life requires work; hard work. And I am not unique.

I heard this week of an acquaintance who just lost her 21 year old son to drugs. How do you deal with that sort of stuff? I know God is in control and offers peace and I've written about that. Writing about it helps me to remember and hopefully helps it get through my thick skull. But I still have to live through it. And so I just keep telling myself,  "Hang on!" All of life is a process and sorrow and loss are part of that process. But hopefully, that process is leading me closer to my Creator. If it isn't, it's my bad not God's. He waits for me, so patiently. I think I'm struggling to grab hold of God but in reality, He's already holding me. I've just got to realize that and trust Him. He is my anchor and, unlike my water tank patches, the anchor holds!

Hebrews 6:18-20

New Living Translation (NLT)

¹⁸ So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. ¹⁹ This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. ²⁰ Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest in the order of Melchizedek.

Who's the Boss?

I've been thinking a lot lately about what my life looks like and what God wants for me and from me. It's a natural human tendency to fight against pain. We don't want pain, we don't like it, we shy away from it. Who in their right mind would embrace pain? Even when I was having my girls I was not into pain. Like many of my generation, I gave birth three times without so much as an aspirin. By the time I was pregnant with Melissa I was ready to meet the local drug dealer around the corner from our house. Oh sure, the end result was great but the process? Unfortunately, so often in life, the good comes after a long bout with the bad. I think it's O.K. not to want to experience the suffering that life brings but if I cross over the line and begin to question the wisdom of God, His timing, His will for my life, or His right to order my life, then I have elevated myself above Him and I am in trouble! Look around. I certainly do not have the exclusive rights to difficulties. We are surrounded by illness, death, alienation between family members, loss, financial problems, abandonment, disappointment and disillusionment. As long as we live in this corrupt world we will suffer.

The last couple of years have been especially tough for me and I not only grieve my own losses, but I ache for my girls, my dad, my brother, my friends. There are times when I think I just cannot hear of one more problem, not one more sad thing. (Consequently, today it is past noon and I am still in my P.J.s and I plan to remain that way.) I haven't been questioning God exactly, but I have been battling the fog and darkness that suffering seems to bring - wanting things to change, to be different, to be what I want or to be like they used to be. God didn't create us for suffering and death and we will always strive against it. Until He restores our world to the way He originally intended it to be, we will experience conflict. Somehow, I have to accept that. But I also must submit to Him and trust that He has filtered everything through His loving hands.

When my girls suffer, I suffer. I long to fix everything in their lives and make it all smooth and wonderful. I often forget that God knows how I feel. I forget that He is my Father in every sense of the word. He watches His children (me!) rebel against Him, make poor choices, suffer from the sins of others, fight with each other, hold grudges, lose loved ones or lose hope. It breaks His heart. He truly does understand my pain. I guess the difference, to me, is that He could do something about that pain if He chose to and sometimes He does. Me? I am essentially helpless to effect real change. I can't raise the dead, heal the sick, or soften a heart. Only He can. And sometimes He doesn't. How do I reconcile that knowledge? How do I accept His sovereignty? Or maybe a more accurate question would be to what degree do I accept His sovereignty? Webster defines sovereignty as "supreme power, freedom from external control". He is the top dog, the big kahuna, the chief, the CEO, the head honcho, the KING! He is the Boss. Yes, I suffer. Yes, I wonder. But isn't it freeing to be able to accept that I don't have to know it all? Isn't it life altering to realize that I cannot fix everything, protect everyone, or spare myself?

He is worth it all!!  When I get to the end of my life, all the suffering of my years will fade completely away and I will finally rest completely in Him. I know that peace is available to me even now. It's just harder for me to access because of my own shortcomings. Sometimes things can't be repaired and that is going to hurt. But not forever. Praise God!


"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing" (Zephaniah 3:17). 

Struggle

I feel so dried up lately - tired, discouraged, stagnant. One of the struggles revolves around church. I've gone to the same church for 16 years - ever since we moved to Paso. It has been my home and it's all I know here. But I can't go there anymore, at least not for now. When I'm there on a Sunday morning all I can see is the ghost of my almost ex-husband. I've tried and tried, prayed, pushed myself, but I just cannot get past it. My girls are struggling with similar issues so we've all been looking around for a new church home. It is a painful process but we are all feeling desperate, in a way, for something; desperate for the family-feel that church provides, the accountability, the sense of belonging. But I'm almost 60 and starting over is not as easy as it once was. Our family has suffered quite a number of different losses over the last few years and at times we wonder whether it will ever end. That got me to thinking about what we expect in this life and what the Bible says about our suffering.

Romans 5:3 tells me that suffering produces perseverance and from perseverance comes character and from character comes hope. And hope does not disappoint us. Not only that, it says we are to rejoice in our suffering. Uh, let me confess right now. There's no rejoicing going on here.

Romans 8:18 says that our present sufferings are not worth anything compared to the glory that is waiting for us.

So what's wrong with me? Why aren't I rejoicing? Why aren't I hopeful? I was reading a devotional by Max Lucado the other day. He was talking about how this world is not our destination. We're passing through, on our journey, but heaven is our final destination and that is what we need to be looking towards. He said,

"Do you feel as if your best years have passed you by? Hogwash. You will do your best work in heaven. Do you regret wasting seasons of life on foolish pursuits? So do I. But we can stop our laments. We have an eternity to make up for lost time. Are you puzzled by the challenges of your days? Then see yourself as an uncut jewel and God as a lapidary. He is polishing you for your place in his kingdom. Your biggest moments lie ahead, on the other side of the grave.

So “seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God” (Col. 3:1 NKJV)."

I think I forget this a lot. I'm not looking up towards heaven. I've got my head down just watching myself put one foot in front of the other as I plod along. I'm tired of crying about my life. Don't get me wrong. I've got some legitimate pain and so do my girls. But how do we grasp the victorious living that is ours in Christ?

"seek those things which are above..."

I almost missed it. Colossians 3:2 repeats the thought - "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Is that the answer? I've been reading in Jeremiah. He was a prophet to Israel and for over 23 years he preached the same message: "Turn from sin. Obey God. Worship God." His message never changed and it was a pretty simple one and it is basically the same message that Colossians presents. I don't want to over simplify things but maybe I think too much. I want to glorify God. I want to please Him. I want to serve Him. I really do. But I struggle so much with the burdens of this world. I'm just looking down too much. Max Lucado said, "Are you puzzled by the challenges of your days?" Yes! I am!


O.K. I can be puzzled. I don't have to have all the answers because God's got it covered. I'm His jewel that He is preparing. He is going to bedazzle heaven with me! That is an awesome thought. I need to hang onto it and look up. I've struggled all week to get these thoughts written because I thought it might help me sort things out. Somehow, I have to take what I know in my head to be true and get it to my heart so I can live it out. I'm finding it easier said than done. I was listening to praise music tonight and the words of a song really hit home...


What could I say?
What could I do?
But offer this heart, oh God, completely to You.
I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe of the One who gave it all.
I'll stand, my soul, Lord to You surrendered,
All I am is Yours.


 “’For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’”.
(Isaiah 55:8-9) 

I pray that God gives me the courage and strength to offer myself completely to Him and to seek the things that are above. I'm sick and tired of my view of the ground.

A New Perspective

Last night, I watched the movie "Soul Surfer". In case you aren't familiar with the story, it is based on the true experiences of a young teenage girl in Hawaii. She is an awesome surfer but one morning, her arm is bitten off by a shark. The girl is a Christian but is, of course, struggling to understand why God allowed her to lose her arm. She thinks she has lost everything. A youth leader encourages her to step back and try to get a new perspective. She ends up going on a short-term mission trip to Thailand shortly after the tsunami. She realizes that though she will never be the same and she will always be missing an arm, God is still in control and He will bring good out her tragedy.

I've been thinking a lot about those same types of things lately. No, I haven't lost an arm but I have lost a husband (not my choice) and that was and is a huge piece of me. I haven't been single since I was 20 years old and that is a very long time ago. My entire adult life, all my adult experiences, all my memories (few though they may be due to my terrible forgetfulness), all my history is wrapped up together with a man who has now torn himself away. A large gaping wound is left - much like where the surfer girl's arm used to be. Why? What good is God going to bring out of this? I've come to understand that I am always going to feel the pain of my loss. It is legitimate, it is life-changing, it is agonizing. However, I can still choose to trust God in the midst of this and I can choose joy. For today, I'm doing pretty well. I'm working on being grateful for all that I do have and God is showing me in lots of small ways how specifically He is caring for me. Joy is a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control. I praise God for that! I, obviously, have no control over anything! Believe me, when your husband takes off you realize that your carefully ordered life is an illusion. I can let this tragedy have one of two effects in my life. Either I will have my faith strengthened, and I will turn to God for comfort, or I can choose to become angry at God and turn away from Him. But if I turn from God, what do I have left? Then, I would truly have nothing!

I read a quote that said, "Hardships in life either will make you better or bitter. You decide which one it will be, because character is not made in crisis; it is revealed. It is when a crisis hits that we see what a man or woman is really made of. " I never wanted to be bitter but there have certainly been times when I did not want to be better either!! But I've had to try to get to the place where my future, my emotions, my loneliness and pain, my confusion, my shock, everything is in God's hands. I need to just be willing to rest in Him. What does that mean to me?

"It means that we come to realize God’s plan for us is better than our plan for ourselves. And when He leads us to a different place, it is for our ultimate good. Maybe it is not for our temporary good. Maybe it doesn’t make complete sense. But He has a plan. And we are to follow Him and comply."

That is my new perspective.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2, NIV).