One More Tucson Post

It was hard to believe it when we finally pulled up to Tammera's house. The trip there, while having some fun moments, had seemed endless. There were hugs all around, a family we hadn't seen in almost 9 months, and lots of catching up to do. Callan, Tammera's youngest, had been just a newborn the last time I'd seen him.

I was thrilled that he wasn't scared to death of me! And Audrey and Asher were happy and sweet as usual.

We spent four full days with the Chans and though it seemed short, it was a precious time. One of the things that we enjoy is sewing together. I was honored to have been able to teach my girls to sew and we used to have whole days where we would sew and craft and chat (and eat and drink) together. Tammera has missed that. So she saved a project for us and we were able to spend one whole day doing just that - sewing, eating, talking and sharing. Eli graciously took the kids for most of the day so that we could spread out. Tammera wanted to make curtains for her dining room. Melissa and I had hauled our sewing machines all the way to Tucson and we had our own projects to work on. We loved the fabric Tammera had picked out for her curtains but it took us a while to get it cut just right. See how perfectly the pattern lines up?

The Chans had a brand new kitten named Gandolf and he was pesty and entertaining. He will grow up to be very tolerant since Asher has a tendency to carry him around by his neck.

Tammera took us to a fabric store one day. If you know any of us, you know that we stockpile fabric. I certainly don't need anymore yet I am always on the lookout for a beautiful piece at a great price. We had such fun together. I loved watching Melissa and Tammera. When they were younger, they fought and got mad at each other but loved each other too. Now that they're all grown up, there is no more fighting, just loving. Every time we left the house they insisted that they get a "Concrete Mixer" (some sort of ice cream thing) before we returned home, even if we were going to have dinner right away. I couldn't change their minds. Tammera's logic was that she could eat a Mixer, then would feel bad herself, then would be motivated to do her Insanity workout. Melissa blamed it on the fact that it was Monsoon season and she was afraid of the storms. Whatever the excuses, both girls enjoyed a plentiful supply of ice cream, another sweet memory made.

It was very hot the week we were in Tucson so going outside with the kids was not really an option until the last day we were there. Tammera and Eli took us up to Mt. Lemmon. We had to take two cars to get us all there and Eli was so sweet and let us girls ride in my car while he took the kids in their car. It took us about an hour to get there but it was so worth it. It was a beautiful day. Because Mt. Lemmon is at such a higher elevation, it was nice and cool. We went on a little hike, the kids played in the creek, we had a picnic, and ended the day at the Cookie Cabin. It was wonderful!

This is how Callan hiked!

And here's how Melissa hiked - arms up so nature wouldn't touch her!

And finally, the Cookie Cabin!

The kids were worn out but happy. We all reluctantly left the coolness of the mountain and headed home. The girls and I made a detour and did a little shopping, mostly for Melissa. We met the nicest sales woman who pulled up a $50 coupon on her phone for Mel! We spent our last evening together watching a "Friends" marathon. Long after Eli and the kids were in bed, we stayed up, not wanting our time together to end. As we watched the final episode of "Friends", both girls were crying and even I (reputed to be a hard-ass), had a tear in my eye. Weeks after I got home, I watched some "Friends" but found that it just wasn't the same. I needed my girls with me to make it work.

We left the next morning for our 2 day drive home. We had a few adventures like getting caught in a huge, blinding rainstorm, some lone stoner guy trying to pick up Melissa at the hotel hot tub, and wandering around looking for a place called The Fruit Depot (supposedly the biggest fruit stand in California). It didn't turn out to be much but we both felt compelled to buy something since we had spent an hour looking for it.

I've already forgotten a lot of the things we did on the trip but I haven't forgotten the feeling of family being together. Melissa and Donny are in the process of an adoption right now and so that has been foremost in our minds. I realized that God, in His graciousness, has shown us multiple kinds of adoption. Of course, most importantly, we are adopted as His children through His Son's sacrifice. Donny and Melissa hope to provide a home for a baby that someone else is unable to care for. And many years ago, God brought Tammera into our lives and because of that, I now have a lovely 4th daughter, son-in-law, and three more grandkids. I can't really even remember being without Tammera. And though I didn't birth her and we aren't related by blood, strange similarities abound. Both Asher and Felicity, Jenny's daughter, were diagnosed with hypotonia and it affected their speech. Both Asher and Kian, Jen's 3rd, are very small for their age. Logan, Jenny's oldest, and Callan and Asher suffered extreme constipation as infants. All four of my daughters are creative. We've all had trouble at times with sleeping. All that to say, I don't think of Tammera differently than the others and I often forget that she, technically, sprung from someone else. She's mine and always will be and her family is now mine as well. Melissa and Donny have been warned that adopted children can have bonding issues. I know that is true but I know we also have a great God who can accomplish anything He chooses to. He will bond their adopted child to them just like He bonded Tammera so completely into our family that Melissa and I risked four days in the car together to see them.

My grandchild and Lord of the Rings

I have a grandchild out there somewhere. He or she may have already been born but maybe not. They might just still be a thought. But still, they're out there and we are all waiting for God to reveal to us who it is! I'm talking, of course, about the child that Donny and Melissa will adopt one day. It has been a long journey for them and there is still a ways to go but they continue to move forward. They are unable to have children and it is a heartbreak for them. However, God has been preparing their hearts for years and steering them towards adoption. They used to think they would try to do a private adoption. Who knows? That may yet be in their future. But for now, they are leaning towards adopting through the foster care system. They went through Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" some time ago and they are very dedicated to staying out of debt. Private adoption can be very expensive. But even more than the finances, God has been calling them to "care for orphans" and they are realizing that may mean a less than ideal situation. The child may be a little older, may have issues or challenges, may be a little more difficult. (Of course, biological children can be a pain as well, if you get my drift.☺) They love children and long to have a child of their own and if this is how God is going to provide that child then they are up for it!

As their parent, I admire them and I am so proud of them. I also ache for them. Why must something so natural, so basic, be so hard for some? As a mom, I want to protect my children, even when they're grown. I don't want them to struggle or suffer. But that isn't how the world operates, is it? Pain is everywhere.

I'm a little behind the times because I have just watched the first of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. I know, it's been out forever. I don't know where I was. Anyway, I liked it quite a lot and am happily waiting for the 2nd one to arrive from Netflix. While I was watching the movie, I thought of Donny and Melissa. Frodo says to Gandalf, "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." And haven't I said the same sort of thing? "I wish my marriage hadn't fallen apart." "I wish my mom hadn't died." "I wish Donny and Melissa weren't unable to have children."

Gandalf replies to Frodo, "So do all who live to see such times but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." Frodo finds himself on a seemingly impossible quest to return the ring to its birthplace, thereby saving the world from evil. There have been times when I think Donny and Melissa have felt that this "quest" for children is so daunting and overwhelming that it borders on the impossible. But they see God working and moving and that continues to encourage them. Of course, they wish they could have had a birth child. But that wasn't for them to decide. Of course, I wish my marriage had survived. Again, it wasn't for me to decide. God chooses, He filters, He allows. We just have to decide what we will do with the circumstances that come our way.

 “I am God and there is no other…My counsel shall stand and I will accomplish all My purpose” (Isaiah 46:10).

 “God does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth and none can stay His hand or say to Him, ‘What doest Thou?’” (Daniel 4:35).

 “But He is unchangeable and who can turn Him? What He desires, that He does. For He will complete what He appoints for me” (Job 23:13, 14). 


For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.  Psalm 84:11

Daughters

I, obviously, do not know much about raising boys. I was blessed with three biological daughters and God graciously blessed me with a 4th (more about her later) when I was nearly 50. Though I don't claim to be any sort of an expert on raising girls, I at least am familiar with the process. Boys? Not so much. I've lived with a lot of people over the years. When I was still married, we often took in people who seemed to have no where else to go and some of them were boys. I remember Rick. He had dreadlocks (this was long before it was acceptable for a white kid) and he had to be ordered to take a shower. He lived in an apartment down the street from us and his mom had thrown him out. He turned out to be very sweet to my young daughters. Last I heard, he was married, had kids of his own, and had a degree in horticulture or something close to that. I don't imagine he has to be told to shower anymore. Then there was Greg, who thought it was O.K. to have a leak in his waterbed and not do anything about it or even mention it, for weeks. He also boiled an artichoke until all the water was gone from the pan and the artichoke had self-combusted. But I digress....back to girls.

I don't think my house had more than the average amount of drama considering there were three girls living in it. I do remember that the drama tended to occur in the middle of the night. I can't count the number of nights that I sat up with a daughter until one or two in the morning hashing out life's difficulties and crying together. If you have sons, do they sleep? In my experience, men sleep at night no matter what. But my girls waited until I was just about to go to bed. It was then, when the house was completely quiet, that hurts, fears, worries, hopes, and dreams demanded to be let out. And so we would talk. I honestly never cared that I was exhausted the next day. I've done a lot of things wrong as a parent but this I can say - if you need an ear at any time during the night, I'm your gal. And it was a privilege to sit on a bed in the dark and listen. Well, of course, if you know me, you know that I also dispensed a lot of unasked for advice during midnight discussions. I've lost some of my stamina and staying power now that I am 60 but I can still rise to the occasion if necessary. Just because my daughters are all grown doesn't mean that they've stopped having late night crises once in a while.

Tammera, my 4th daughter, joined our family when she about 15 years old. Melissa was a year or so older and it wasn't long before they were acting like they'd been sisters all their lives. They would sit up all night watching T.V. and talking and laughing and eating. But then a few days later they'd annoy each other and not talk for a while. Tammera and I settled into our relationship slowly. I wasn't sure what she wanted from me and I am not the most exuberant, enthusiastic person. I didn't want to crowd her but at the same time, I was all she had in the mother department. It was a delicate dance for a few years. But gradually, biological lines blurred. I hardly remember life without her. She learned to drive, had her first boyfriend, renewed her trust in people, and grew as a Christian all under our roof. I had been content with three daughters but I was so honored that God gave me another. Then came the day when Tammera walked in one night and said to me, "Mom, I enlisted in the Air Force!" And just like that, the separation began and our relationship changed. She was going to see the world but she ended up in Tucson.  ☺ That young girl that came to me years ago, somewhat guarded and defensive and wounded, is now a fabulous young woman with a husband, two children and another on the way. I haven't seen her in over a year. She and her family were here when my mom died but we haven't seen each other since. She is arriving in six hours!! She and my precious grandchildren, Audrey and Asher, are flying in for a 3 week visit. I'm grateful that her husband, Eli, didn't mind. He has to stay in Tucson and work but understanding Tammera's deep desire to come home again, he is graciously going to "bach it" for a while. I cannot wait to see them all. It is always such a joy to me to have all my girls together and all the cousins happily creating chaos. I'm thrilled that three of my daughters are here in Paso but there is always an empty space. That space is going to be filled up for the next three weeks! Yea!!

The Haven that is Peachy Canyon

I moved to the property on Peachy Canyon Road almost 17 years ago. I had always dreamed of living in the country but never really thought it would happen. I didn't even pray about it. Isn't God good? He gave me one of my heart's desires without my even asking! Anyway, when we moved in, the house had been vacant for three years. We dealt with mice, black widows, snakes, weeds, etc. Actually, nothing has changed. We still deal with all that. But over the years, what a wonderful refuge this place has been.

We started off here in 1995 with Paul and I and our two younger daughters, Jenny and Melissa. My parents moved into the second, smaller house. What a privilege it has been to live so close to my folks for so many years. But God had plans to shelter many more people here on Peachy Canyon. A year or so after moving up here, our oldest daughter, Sarah, joined us. Later, when her boyfriend, Jason,  (now her husband), needed a place to live, we made him some floor space in the office. He was the first future son-in-law to live with us but he wasn't the last. After Zac and Jenny got engaged and Zac started working in L.A., he lived here on the weekends. After they were married, they lived here together for short times both before they moved up north for Jenny to finish college and then afterwards while they waited to buy their house. Donny, son-in-law number three, moved in when he returned from a year at Hume Lake. His parents had moved to Wisconsin and he needed a place to live until he moved into the little house that he and Melissa would later share. And let's not forget the two "vintage" vehicles that accompanied Jason and Donny and found space up next to the shop.

Sons-in-law weren't  the only people to take advantage of all the space God had given us. We met our sweet Tammera when she was just 14 and her family needed places to stay after the house they were renting was no longer available. We took her in for what we thought was just a few months but she was soon staying here more often than not and God graciously grafted her into our family. She is my 4th daughter and her children are my grandchildren and I am so grateful for her. She lives with her husband, Eli, and their children in Tucson now and I miss her terribly. But Peachy Canyon will always be her home.

We've had others stay here, too. James, Danielle and her two dogs (twice ☺), Crystal and her two boys...I can't even remember everyone. But each in their way have blessed me and I think, been blessed by the peacefulness that surrounds us here. Not everyone actually moved in. For many years we have been privileged to use the property for youth group pool parties, college group dinners, gatherings of all sorts. Currently, Donny and Melissa are renting from me and the tables are turned a bit. They could have continued renting in town but God knew I would need some help, after Paul left, with both the finances and the land. What a blessing their presence has been. And to add to the party, Jenny and her three kids have been staying with me during the week. Zac has been working in L.A. for almost a year and only home on weekends. Jenny was just feeling too isolated out at the lake. What fun it is to come home from work to such a houseful! And it doesn't stop at my house, either. My dad, now alone since my mom died almost a year ago, has a friend staying with him due to a family crisis.

I've been thinking about the day when I will sell this place. It's inevitable. I can't take care of 14 acres forever and I'll need to get out from under the mortgage. But even then, Peachy Canyon will continue to shelter me. My hope and prayer is that with the eventual sale of the property, I will be able to buy a smaller place for me and my dad but one that would have no mortgage, hopefully allowing me to quit working sometime before I drop dead. But it will be bittersweet to leave here; so many memories and so many lives. But my peace and my security is not in a place, a home, a property, or a person. My security is in the Lord and He will provide!

The little drawing below was a doodle that I drew on the back of some sermon notes. The notes are dated April 12, 1992. I was daydreaming about a winding, country road and a house at the end of a long driveway. I have kept that drawing in my Bible ever since then. If you've been out to my place, you can see the similarity in the drawing to my Peachy Canyon property. This little sketch was done three and a half years before I ever laid eyes on Peachy Canyon. It is a constant reminder to me that God knows my every thought! The shelter that He has provided to so many over the years assures me that He will continue to be my refuge.

Psalm 91:1

   Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High 
   will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 

Psalm 18:2

   The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield  and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.