Getting to hear about my grandkids' drum lessons, ballet lessons, and breakdancing lessons.
Feeding my dad leftovers and being praised like he was eating at Artisan.
Watering my only two remaining tomato plants and enjoying the tropical weather.
Being visited by the sweet dog from across the road.
Watching a stunning sunset which included a rainbow that was all dark pink.
Mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Chatting with a friend.
Praying for someone else.
Walking out to the kitchen to discover the visiting dog had let himself in.
Thanks to my cats, one less mouse.
Spending some time planning my trip to Tucson to see sweet Tammera and family.
Reconnecting with an old friend.
Zoning out to Property Brothers.
Persevering, Surviving, Thriving.
Is life any less precious just because your spouse is MIA? No! What if your arms ache for a child but you're still waiting? Money problems, sleep deprivation, job stresses, loneliness, family dysfunction, outliving your partner, wayward children. The list of difficulties that we all live with is endless. Sometimes, our problems are due to our own sinful choices. Other times, it's just the imperfectness of this world and its impact on us. Either way, we end up struggling with moving forward victoriously.
I used to think that I had a lot of faith. But over the years life has thrown me a few curves. I realized that there are things that I don't even bother to pray for. They're big things, tough things. Too tough for God? Of course not! But I act like God is limited. Faith? I've barely scratched the surface.
But tonight, as I took the time to enjoy, appreciate, and be grateful for the small events of my evening, I was filled with hope. I've been down but I'm not out. And neither are my friends that have all kinds of issues to deal with.
II Cor. 4:8-9
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
Showing posts with label Gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gratitude. Show all posts
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
The Holidays
I was thinking the other night about my dad and the challenges he faces as he ages. I began to pray for him and I was asking the Lord to be his strength, comfort, and to give us both peace and wisdom as we face the days ahead. As I lay in my bed praying, I realized...He is my strength, my dad's strength, our peace, our wisdom. I don't have to ask Him to be that. He already is!! Praise God. I just have to live like I believe that. Then came Christmas and I felt that I was moving through the season, simply tolerating it. When did it become something I just needed to "get through?" I missed the joy in celebrating Christ's birth and all that it means to me. Oh, I can list off lots of reasons for a less-than-wonderful attitude. But as I've pondered this, God has again reminded me that He is my strength, peace, wisdom, and JOY! I've been living my life as if I were waiting - waiting for resolution, waiting for peace, waiting for something to happen.
I kept trying to write but the truth is that I've felt so depleted and I guess I feel like when I write I should be able to end with some profound truth. Pride! Who am I to think that I've got it all together and I need to share it with the world? It is enough that "God Is!" He exists, He loves me, He has saved me. He is the only One I need. I don't need to be waiting for anything. He has done it all already and He knows what is coming for me. Yes, He felt my loneliness during the holidays. Yes, I'm still sitting here in front of an awesome fire - alone. I need to quit my griping. I am so blessed. So here are just a few highlights of my holiday...
We were not able to be together as a family on Christmas Day this year so we gathered at my house on December 19th for our traditional "soup supper" and to let the little ones open their presents from me.
The Paso 5.
A couple of days later, Sarah, Jenny, and I took the five Paso kids to the "Follow the Star" presentation at FBC. It was a great experience although Kian got scared and I had to carry him through the stations and Lissy clung very tightly to Aunt Sarah's hand. Jenny was kept busy with Arrow and the two older boys were left to their own devices!
The "play dough station" was probably the favorite and that was just while we were waiting for our turn to "travel."
Aunt Sarah trying to comfort Arrow but that Mama's boy wasn't buying it!
Christmas night, Melissa, Donny, and Donny's parents graciously included me in their Christmas dinner and the next night, Donny's mom, Susie, cooked a fabulous Swedish smorgasbord and insisted that I join them for that too. It was all delicious and it was so hospitable for the Stivers (who had come all the way from Wisconsin) to share their family time with me.
The next week I got to babysit Arrow for the first time. Actually, I had all three Hanna boys while Jenny took Felicity for her 5-year old vaccinations. I got Arrow to sleep by wearing him in a sling and then took the whole sling off, with him in it, and put him down in the chair. I still got it!! Isn't he sweet?
And then there's New Year's Eve! Who wouldn't enjoy a hot date with this young man and "Ice Age - Continental Drift?"
And the finale? God is so good! He surprised me with a visit from Tammera and her family. Her wonderful husband is sensitive to her need and desire to be with her family and so they drove out from Tucson, bringing sweet Audrey, Asher, and brand new baby Callan. Callan was only 11 days old when they arrived! Eli knew they might not get another opportunity to come out any time soon and so, though it was a long and arduous trip, they came! They left yesterday and though it's sad, I'm left with the memory of their precious fellowship.
A rare occasion - all eight of my grandchildren in my living room. I told the girls that I didn't care what shape the kids were in. I just wanted them all in the same photo. Praise God! This is as good as it gets.
And here they all are with my dad and me- just prior to meltdown!
And so I sit here tonight, reflecting on the year. We've had our struggles, no doubt. I still have much to work through. But really? How can I complain? Look at these pictures! I am overflowing with gratitude to God!
I kept trying to write but the truth is that I've felt so depleted and I guess I feel like when I write I should be able to end with some profound truth. Pride! Who am I to think that I've got it all together and I need to share it with the world? It is enough that "God Is!" He exists, He loves me, He has saved me. He is the only One I need. I don't need to be waiting for anything. He has done it all already and He knows what is coming for me. Yes, He felt my loneliness during the holidays. Yes, I'm still sitting here in front of an awesome fire - alone. I need to quit my griping. I am so blessed. So here are just a few highlights of my holiday...
We were not able to be together as a family on Christmas Day this year so we gathered at my house on December 19th for our traditional "soup supper" and to let the little ones open their presents from me.
Jason, Sarah, and Gabriel Baker.
Zac, Jenny, Logan, Felicity, Kian, and Arrow Hanna.
Donny and Melissa Stiver.
Me, my dad (Papa to everyone), and my brother, Tim.
Presents!! You can barely see it but in the background on the table is a beautiful picture of my mom and dad at Melissa and Donny's wedding. Next to that is a picture of Sarah, Jenny, Melissa, and my mom. The girls are wearing matching dresses that I had made them for Christmas.
Sarah and Felicity have a special bond because they are both very beautiful, prissy, girly girls! Lissy is wearing a dress that I made her for Christmas.
A couple of days later, Sarah, Jenny, and I took the five Paso kids to the "Follow the Star" presentation at FBC. It was a great experience although Kian got scared and I had to carry him through the stations and Lissy clung very tightly to Aunt Sarah's hand. Jenny was kept busy with Arrow and the two older boys were left to their own devices!
The "play dough station" was probably the favorite and that was just while we were waiting for our turn to "travel."
Aunt Sarah trying to comfort Arrow but that Mama's boy wasn't buying it!
Christmas night, Melissa, Donny, and Donny's parents graciously included me in their Christmas dinner and the next night, Donny's mom, Susie, cooked a fabulous Swedish smorgasbord and insisted that I join them for that too. It was all delicious and it was so hospitable for the Stivers (who had come all the way from Wisconsin) to share their family time with me.
The next week I got to babysit Arrow for the first time. Actually, I had all three Hanna boys while Jenny took Felicity for her 5-year old vaccinations. I got Arrow to sleep by wearing him in a sling and then took the whole sling off, with him in it, and put him down in the chair. I still got it!! Isn't he sweet?
And then there's New Year's Eve! Who wouldn't enjoy a hot date with this young man and "Ice Age - Continental Drift?"
And the finale? God is so good! He surprised me with a visit from Tammera and her family. Her wonderful husband is sensitive to her need and desire to be with her family and so they drove out from Tucson, bringing sweet Audrey, Asher, and brand new baby Callan. Callan was only 11 days old when they arrived! Eli knew they might not get another opportunity to come out any time soon and so, though it was a long and arduous trip, they came! They left yesterday and though it's sad, I'm left with the memory of their precious fellowship.
My dad, meeting Callan for the first time. (By the way, Callan is wearing a sleeper that I bought for him. I had bought the same one for Arrow. You know, how cute would that be? Cousins, two months apart, in matching outfits. Arrow never got to wear his. :( He was too big!)
Can you see the difference between the two boys? I know, it's subtle. Look closely! :)
Lissy will be a wonderful mother one day, just like her mama!
And here they all are with my dad and me- just prior to meltdown!
And so I sit here tonight, reflecting on the year. We've had our struggles, no doubt. I still have much to work through. But really? How can I complain? Look at these pictures! I am overflowing with gratitude to God!
Monday, December 10, 2012
My Weekend
Once again, I find myself awake. It is 1:15 in the morning and though I have to work in just a few hours, my brain appears not to be concerned by that minor detail. So...my thoughts turn to my weekend. It was amazing. I am thrilled that I can say that because at times, it was touch and go. The weekend could have gone either way. Thanks to my wonderful family, I have some beautiful memories to store away.
My weekend starts on Thursday night since I don't work on Fridays. I've been taking a Biblical Counseling class on Thursdays from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. It is a fascinating class but it makes for a very long day. This week, the class was cancelled at the last minute because the teacher was sick. Though I felt bad about that, I was somewhat relieved. I was feeling a bit rundown and was also struggling to get into the "Christmas spirit". I decided to do a little Christmas decorating with the sudden free hours. I managed to set up a couple of artificial trees (I had decided last year to skip a live tree because I didn't want to have to ask for help in getting it.) I love the lights so I like to set up multiple trees. I went slow Friday morning but then got going and cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and living room. That may not sound too exciting but I felt so much better. I like a clean and tidy house, especially during the holidays. Then I rewarded myself with a little sewing time and got a skirt put on the dress I've been working on for Felicity. After that, it was time to get all gussied up to accompany my dad to the Senior Banquet at church. It was a pleasure to spend the evening with him and I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have him and to have such a close relationship with him.
Saturday morning I continued to attempt to do a bit of decorating and also tackled cleaning my room and bathroom. I was beginning to lag, however, and I realized that the whole "decorating for Christmas" thing all by myself was starting to get me down. I kept at it, though, as if sheer will power would change my attitude. Mid-day, I got a phone call from Tammera, my daughter that lives in Tucson. She LOVES Christmas so her enthusiasm is infectious. She is expecting her 3rd baby any day now. It was so fun just to hear her voice. I miss her a lot! Later that evening, I had a long phone conversation with Sarah and we talked of serious things and I was again struck by how blessed I am. My girls care so much for me and I am so glad that we can talk about most anything. Later, my oldest grandson, Gabriel, came over and was spending the night with me. I had set up a little Christmas corner in my bedroom with a couple of very small trees. At first I thought it might be a bit pathetic, to have Christmas trees in my bedroom. But as I said, I love the lights, so I decided to relax and enjoy them. Gabriel and I sat in relative darkness, in front of the trees, and I read him the Christmas story. He loves the part where the angel Gabriel speaks to Mary. This kid keeps me on my toes. When I read about the angel telling Mary that she would have a baby who would be God's Son, he asked, "Isn't that like Mary being God's wife?" He is 9 years old and we proceeded to have a conversation about how God planned for Jesus to be born, Jesus being both God and man and also talked about the concept of the Trinity (in very basic terms). What a privilege it is for me to have this time to share with him. On a lighter note, we then climbed up into the attic, a space that is accessed by a ladder in my closet. He isn't usually allowed up there but we got comfortable on a blanket surrounded by all the junk that I store up there and we read "Horton Hatches the Egg". He thought it was pretty cool and suggested that we sleep in the attic. As good an idea as that was, I opted out for the night and suggested we plan ahead so that we could actually make a bed instead of making Grammy sleep on the plywood.
This morning found me helping in Kian's Sunday School class where I have somehow ended up volunteering "temporarily". Each week, I enter reluctantly, but each week I leave being glad that I was there. I am helping my friend, Armida, who felt God called her to pitch in when the revered Miss Pam moved down south. I just sort of tagged along thinking that I couldn't let my friend tackle it alone. So here we are, two relatively old women, trying to manage about a dozen 2, 3, and 4 year olds. Thank goodness for the teenage girls who have taken pity on us and come to help out. We'd be lost without them.
After church, Jen and Zac informed me that they were coming to my house to help me finish decorating. They knew I had been struggling a little with that whole project. Zac has been very sensitive to that and has initiated a day for the last couple of years to get me going. I took their 3 oldest home with me while they went to buy a dishwasher. The whole "reading in the attic" had been so successful with Gabriel that I decided to repeat the experience with the Hanna kids. They each picked out a book and climbed eagerly up to the attic where we read while we waited for Jen and Zac to get done with their shopping and bring us pizza. While in the attic, the kids discovered some old Fisher Price toys that I had packed away so we got them down and they happily played with them for quite a while. Later, we added a newer Nativity set. They had no problem playing with the baby Jesus and the manger along side of the gas station.
My weekend starts on Thursday night since I don't work on Fridays. I've been taking a Biblical Counseling class on Thursdays from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. It is a fascinating class but it makes for a very long day. This week, the class was cancelled at the last minute because the teacher was sick. Though I felt bad about that, I was somewhat relieved. I was feeling a bit rundown and was also struggling to get into the "Christmas spirit". I decided to do a little Christmas decorating with the sudden free hours. I managed to set up a couple of artificial trees (I had decided last year to skip a live tree because I didn't want to have to ask for help in getting it.) I love the lights so I like to set up multiple trees. I went slow Friday morning but then got going and cleaned the kitchen, dining room, and living room. That may not sound too exciting but I felt so much better. I like a clean and tidy house, especially during the holidays. Then I rewarded myself with a little sewing time and got a skirt put on the dress I've been working on for Felicity. After that, it was time to get all gussied up to accompany my dad to the Senior Banquet at church. It was a pleasure to spend the evening with him and I was reminded of how fortunate I am to have him and to have such a close relationship with him.
Saturday morning I continued to attempt to do a bit of decorating and also tackled cleaning my room and bathroom. I was beginning to lag, however, and I realized that the whole "decorating for Christmas" thing all by myself was starting to get me down. I kept at it, though, as if sheer will power would change my attitude. Mid-day, I got a phone call from Tammera, my daughter that lives in Tucson. She LOVES Christmas so her enthusiasm is infectious. She is expecting her 3rd baby any day now. It was so fun just to hear her voice. I miss her a lot! Later that evening, I had a long phone conversation with Sarah and we talked of serious things and I was again struck by how blessed I am. My girls care so much for me and I am so glad that we can talk about most anything. Later, my oldest grandson, Gabriel, came over and was spending the night with me. I had set up a little Christmas corner in my bedroom with a couple of very small trees. At first I thought it might be a bit pathetic, to have Christmas trees in my bedroom. But as I said, I love the lights, so I decided to relax and enjoy them. Gabriel and I sat in relative darkness, in front of the trees, and I read him the Christmas story. He loves the part where the angel Gabriel speaks to Mary. This kid keeps me on my toes. When I read about the angel telling Mary that she would have a baby who would be God's Son, he asked, "Isn't that like Mary being God's wife?" He is 9 years old and we proceeded to have a conversation about how God planned for Jesus to be born, Jesus being both God and man and also talked about the concept of the Trinity (in very basic terms). What a privilege it is for me to have this time to share with him. On a lighter note, we then climbed up into the attic, a space that is accessed by a ladder in my closet. He isn't usually allowed up there but we got comfortable on a blanket surrounded by all the junk that I store up there and we read "Horton Hatches the Egg". He thought it was pretty cool and suggested that we sleep in the attic. As good an idea as that was, I opted out for the night and suggested we plan ahead so that we could actually make a bed instead of making Grammy sleep on the plywood.
This morning found me helping in Kian's Sunday School class where I have somehow ended up volunteering "temporarily". Each week, I enter reluctantly, but each week I leave being glad that I was there. I am helping my friend, Armida, who felt God called her to pitch in when the revered Miss Pam moved down south. I just sort of tagged along thinking that I couldn't let my friend tackle it alone. So here we are, two relatively old women, trying to manage about a dozen 2, 3, and 4 year olds. Thank goodness for the teenage girls who have taken pity on us and come to help out. We'd be lost without them.
After church, Jen and Zac informed me that they were coming to my house to help me finish decorating. They knew I had been struggling a little with that whole project. Zac has been very sensitive to that and has initiated a day for the last couple of years to get me going. I took their 3 oldest home with me while they went to buy a dishwasher. The whole "reading in the attic" had been so successful with Gabriel that I decided to repeat the experience with the Hanna kids. They each picked out a book and climbed eagerly up to the attic where we read while we waited for Jen and Zac to get done with their shopping and bring us pizza. While in the attic, the kids discovered some old Fisher Price toys that I had packed away so we got them down and they happily played with them for quite a while. Later, we added a newer Nativity set. They had no problem playing with the baby Jesus and the manger along side of the gas station.
Zac drug all the decorations out and we made quite a mess but we got the trees "dressed". Donny had to work today but evidence of his care for me was demonstrated when I found extra little trees very lovingly packed so neatly and the boxes labeled and the extension cord that I needed tied up in a nice bundle, all done last year when he helped me clean up after Christmas. Though Melissa wasn't with me, I knew she was home, happily sewing on the machine I had recently gotten for her. It does my heart good to know that she now shares my joy in sewing.
Zac and the kids surprised me with a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies plus a delicious dinner of chicken, couscous and salad. Could the day get any better?
My dad joined us briefly...
Who can resist that chunk-o-monk?
So now I sit in the quiet of my room, enjoying the lights in my "corner", and reflecting on the blessing of family, the gift of God's Son, and the joy of a weekend that reminded me that I am not alone.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Funktified!
Conversation with myself....
"What is my problem? I mope around on the weekends, I don't get my butt to church, I say I'm going on a diet and don't, I complain about stuff. I am feeling like a loser! Can't seem to get over this hump. Can't seem to hear God. What is my problem?'
I been funktified, attacked by the funk brigade, been funked upon, you name it! I am in a funk and once again, I find myself sick of myself. This journey has surprised me, I guess. I don't know what I expected but I didn't realize it would be this hard. It's perplexing to me because I still see God's caring, loving hand clearly and I see many of His blessings. But somehow, I am not truly laying hold of His joy and peace. I am concentrating on circumstances too much and not on the Creator. I have longed to understand all that has happened to me when I need to be longing to understand Him.
Joy is a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control.
I read that somewhere awhile back and I need this reminder. God is not held up in traffic! He is just as near to me as He has always been. If I don't "feel" Him near, that's on me, not Him. I need to live in that confidence regardless of how I "feel". Joy, then, becomes a choice - a choice to see things from God's perspective and a choice to trust Him as I embrace the new life He is giving me.
So here is my prayer...
"Dear Lord,
You know me. You know my struggles and my motives and my desires - far better than I know them myself. I want to please You. I really do! But sometimes I feel like I'm just wandering around in the desert, like the Israelites did. Please change my perspective and make it Yours. Please change my focus and make it You! Allow me to grab hold of your joy and peace because it's mine, provided to me by Your work on the cross. And thank You that You never give up on me, You aren't disgusted by me, You don't mock me, You don't dismiss me. You wait, You love, You provide, You nourish, You delight. Imagine that! You delight in me! Teach me, Lord, to delight in You."
"What is my problem? I mope around on the weekends, I don't get my butt to church, I say I'm going on a diet and don't, I complain about stuff. I am feeling like a loser! Can't seem to get over this hump. Can't seem to hear God. What is my problem?'
I been funktified, attacked by the funk brigade, been funked upon, you name it! I am in a funk and once again, I find myself sick of myself. This journey has surprised me, I guess. I don't know what I expected but I didn't realize it would be this hard. It's perplexing to me because I still see God's caring, loving hand clearly and I see many of His blessings. But somehow, I am not truly laying hold of His joy and peace. I am concentrating on circumstances too much and not on the Creator. I have longed to understand all that has happened to me when I need to be longing to understand Him.
Joy is a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control.
I read that somewhere awhile back and I need this reminder. God is not held up in traffic! He is just as near to me as He has always been. If I don't "feel" Him near, that's on me, not Him. I need to live in that confidence regardless of how I "feel". Joy, then, becomes a choice - a choice to see things from God's perspective and a choice to trust Him as I embrace the new life He is giving me.
So here is my prayer...
"Dear Lord,
You know me. You know my struggles and my motives and my desires - far better than I know them myself. I want to please You. I really do! But sometimes I feel like I'm just wandering around in the desert, like the Israelites did. Please change my perspective and make it Yours. Please change my focus and make it You! Allow me to grab hold of your joy and peace because it's mine, provided to me by Your work on the cross. And thank You that You never give up on me, You aren't disgusted by me, You don't mock me, You don't dismiss me. You wait, You love, You provide, You nourish, You delight. Imagine that! You delight in me! Teach me, Lord, to delight in You."
Psalm 118:1
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Daughters
I, obviously, do not know much about raising boys. I was blessed with three biological daughters and God graciously blessed me with a 4th (more about her later) when I was nearly 50. Though I don't claim to be any sort of an expert on raising girls, I at least am familiar with the process. Boys? Not so much. I've lived with a lot of people over the years. When I was still married, we often took in people who seemed to have no where else to go and some of them were boys. I remember Rick. He had dreadlocks (this was long before it was acceptable for a white kid) and he had to be ordered to take a shower. He lived in an apartment down the street from us and his mom had thrown him out. He turned out to be very sweet to my young daughters. Last I heard, he was married, had kids of his own, and had a degree in horticulture or something close to that. I don't imagine he has to be told to shower anymore. Then there was Greg, who thought it was O.K. to have a leak in his waterbed and not do anything about it or even mention it, for weeks. He also boiled an artichoke until all the water was gone from the pan and the artichoke had self-combusted. But I digress....back to girls.
I don't think my house had more than the average amount of drama considering there were three girls living in it. I do remember that the drama tended to occur in the middle of the night. I can't count the number of nights that I sat up with a daughter until one or two in the morning hashing out life's difficulties and crying together. If you have sons, do they sleep? In my experience, men sleep at night no matter what. But my girls waited until I was just about to go to bed. It was then, when the house was completely quiet, that hurts, fears, worries, hopes, and dreams demanded to be let out. And so we would talk. I honestly never cared that I was exhausted the next day. I've done a lot of things wrong as a parent but this I can say - if you need an ear at any time during the night, I'm your gal. And it was a privilege to sit on a bed in the dark and listen. Well, of course, if you know me, you know that I also dispensed a lot of unasked for advice during midnight discussions. I've lost some of my stamina and staying power now that I am 60 but I can still rise to the occasion if necessary. Just because my daughters are all grown doesn't mean that they've stopped having late night crises once in a while.
Tammera, my 4th daughter, joined our family when she about 15 years old. Melissa was a year or so older and it wasn't long before they were acting like they'd been sisters all their lives. They would sit up all night watching T.V. and talking and laughing and eating. But then a few days later they'd annoy each other and not talk for a while. Tammera and I settled into our relationship slowly. I wasn't sure what she wanted from me and I am not the most exuberant, enthusiastic person. I didn't want to crowd her but at the same time, I was all she had in the mother department. It was a delicate dance for a few years. But gradually, biological lines blurred. I hardly remember life without her. She learned to drive, had her first boyfriend, renewed her trust in people, and grew as a Christian all under our roof. I had been content with three daughters but I was so honored that God gave me another. Then came the day when Tammera walked in one night and said to me, "Mom, I enlisted in the Air Force!" And just like that, the separation began and our relationship changed. She was going to see the world but she ended up in Tucson. ☺ That young girl that came to me years ago, somewhat guarded and defensive and wounded, is now a fabulous young woman with a husband, two children and another on the way. I haven't seen her in over a year. She and her family were here when my mom died but we haven't seen each other since. She is arriving in six hours!! She and my precious grandchildren, Audrey and Asher, are flying in for a 3 week visit. I'm grateful that her husband, Eli, didn't mind. He has to stay in Tucson and work but understanding Tammera's deep desire to come home again, he is graciously going to "bach it" for a while. I cannot wait to see them all. It is always such a joy to me to have all my girls together and all the cousins happily creating chaos. I'm thrilled that three of my daughters are here in Paso but there is always an empty space. That space is going to be filled up for the next three weeks! Yea!!
I don't think my house had more than the average amount of drama considering there were three girls living in it. I do remember that the drama tended to occur in the middle of the night. I can't count the number of nights that I sat up with a daughter until one or two in the morning hashing out life's difficulties and crying together. If you have sons, do they sleep? In my experience, men sleep at night no matter what. But my girls waited until I was just about to go to bed. It was then, when the house was completely quiet, that hurts, fears, worries, hopes, and dreams demanded to be let out. And so we would talk. I honestly never cared that I was exhausted the next day. I've done a lot of things wrong as a parent but this I can say - if you need an ear at any time during the night, I'm your gal. And it was a privilege to sit on a bed in the dark and listen. Well, of course, if you know me, you know that I also dispensed a lot of unasked for advice during midnight discussions. I've lost some of my stamina and staying power now that I am 60 but I can still rise to the occasion if necessary. Just because my daughters are all grown doesn't mean that they've stopped having late night crises once in a while.
Tammera, my 4th daughter, joined our family when she about 15 years old. Melissa was a year or so older and it wasn't long before they were acting like they'd been sisters all their lives. They would sit up all night watching T.V. and talking and laughing and eating. But then a few days later they'd annoy each other and not talk for a while. Tammera and I settled into our relationship slowly. I wasn't sure what she wanted from me and I am not the most exuberant, enthusiastic person. I didn't want to crowd her but at the same time, I was all she had in the mother department. It was a delicate dance for a few years. But gradually, biological lines blurred. I hardly remember life without her. She learned to drive, had her first boyfriend, renewed her trust in people, and grew as a Christian all under our roof. I had been content with three daughters but I was so honored that God gave me another. Then came the day when Tammera walked in one night and said to me, "Mom, I enlisted in the Air Force!" And just like that, the separation began and our relationship changed. She was going to see the world but she ended up in Tucson. ☺ That young girl that came to me years ago, somewhat guarded and defensive and wounded, is now a fabulous young woman with a husband, two children and another on the way. I haven't seen her in over a year. She and her family were here when my mom died but we haven't seen each other since. She is arriving in six hours!! She and my precious grandchildren, Audrey and Asher, are flying in for a 3 week visit. I'm grateful that her husband, Eli, didn't mind. He has to stay in Tucson and work but understanding Tammera's deep desire to come home again, he is graciously going to "bach it" for a while. I cannot wait to see them all. It is always such a joy to me to have all my girls together and all the cousins happily creating chaos. I'm thrilled that three of my daughters are here in Paso but there is always an empty space. That space is going to be filled up for the next three weeks! Yea!!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Reflections on a Garage Sale
So, my daughter, Sarah, decided that she wanted to do a garage sale. She was ready to get rid of some stuff and she lives right downtown so it is a great location. But, of course, since most women do not want to do anything alone, she invited me to join her. Translated, that means that I had to haul two trunk loads of crap to her house, work Friday night until 10 p.m. helping her organize stuff and then try to get up Saturday morning (my day off!) and get out and about by 8 or so.
I always have a thrift store pile going but I'd much rather go to a thrift to buy more stuff than sit on Sarah's front porch for 4 hours hocking our wares. But you know, I love my kids, so sometimes I gotta do stuff that isn't terribly exciting. (I'm polishing my halo right about now.)
I decided that I needed a little something special to get me going that morning so I offered to make a McDonald's run for me, Sarah, and my grandson, Gabriel. I hadn't had a sausage and egg biscuit in years and it sounded fabulous. I set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. and hit the snooze button about 9 times, finally coming to with a shock at about 7:30. I threw myself out of bed, tossed on some shorts, spit on my hair, and ran out the door. I didn't even brush my teeth! I was shocked to see that the McDonald's was absolutely packed at 8:15 in the morning. I mean, you would have thought it was a famous gourmet restaurant! It was standing room only. Good thing I was "to go". I ordered the breakfast platter for Gabriel. I figured it was an assortment so he was bound to be happy with at least some of it. After I had ordered, I noticed this large number posted by the picture of the "platter". It was "1090". I looked again, squinted a little, and realized that next to the number 1090, in small letters, was the word "calories". Holy Smokes!! One thousand ninety calories just in the breakfast? Looked again - my biscuit breakfast had 510 calories. Plus, in a fit of abandon, I had also ordered hash browns. Add another 150 calories. Whatever. It was 8:15 on a Saturday morning, I looked like a slob, and I was just too tired to care. And the day had just begun!
I arrived at Sarah's with our breakfasts, which now contained enough calories to feed a small village for several days. Sarah had a wonderful attitude. She had been up much earlier than me and she and Gabriel had already neatly arranged everything onto her front lawn. It was a pitiful display. We really had mostly clothes which aren't the biggest draw at a garage sale. We would watch some people slow down and do the "drive by" and then keep on going. Now, mind you, this was crap that just the other night I wanted to dump at the AmVet trailer. Now, I was taking it personally that no one wanted to sort through my crap and pay me what I thought it was worth! Eventually, there were a few rushes and sales picked up. I was happy to at least make back the cost of my breakfast and Sarah did quite a bit better than me. During lulls, we chatted and looked through each other's stuff. I ended up loading a fair amount back into my car. For example, Sarah had seven champagne flutes that never sold. You know I have quite an active social life so I figured I could always use more champagne flutes. Score! I had donated a pair of earrings to the sale because Sarah had told me I should never wear them again. Come to find out, they never made it out to the lawn. She kept them! Hmmm. Oh well. They will look better on her.
Lots of very nice people stopped by. One group of four women arrived in an Escalade. They were having too much fun! One of Sarah's items was a small crystal ice bucket. One of these ladies was looking at it and commenting on how she liked it but that it wouldn't hold much ice. Her friend told her she should go ahead and get it. The woman replied, "It's so small, I would just have to fill it with ice and pour my booze right into it and drink out of it." We decided we liked her style. One man came by and wanted to know if we had any guns for sale. Um, is that legal we wondered? The 80 year old neighbor lady from down the street stopped by and we learned a lot about her history of flea marketing as a business, when her husband had died, where each of her sisters lived, etc. You get the idea. The nice thing was, we took the time to listen to her. In fact, Sarah was great about asking her questions and encouraging her to talk. We had no where else to be and our Craig's List ad said the sale went until noon so technically, we were working and were legally bound to sit on the porch and chat with strangers until then.
Sarah was trying to foster entrepreneurship in Gabriel. He had helped her drag everything outside so that had earned him two 12-packs of soda. He was supposed to try to sell them for a buck each and he would get to keep his profits. Several of Sarah's friends very sweetly stopped in just to buy soda from Gabriel. He got off to a bit of a rough start. His first customer was a nice young woman who had recently gotten married. Sarah had been her wedding coordinator. It was a little early for Gabriel so he needed a bit of prodding to semi-politely ask her whether she wanted Coke or Sprite but as the morning wore on, he warmed to the task. Pretty soon, he was sitting out there hollering at the browsers and actually selling more than me! The highlight of his day was when Sarah's friend, Robert, drove up. He had come just to buy soda and surprised Gabriel buy buying all ten of the remaining Sprites. Suddenly, Gabriel was very protective of his stash of money and quite excited about his earnings. I actually managed to sell my king sized comforter. It was in great shape. I just can't fit it in my washing machine. I hope the people who bought it don't mind the cat barf that precipitated the sale.
Finally, noon arrived and we began to pack up. We had one other family group stop and we let them take whatever they wanted. It saved us the trouble. Then we loaded up what was left and off we went to the AmVet trailer. I was home by 1:30 p.m. and was worn out. Would I do it again? Well, I figured that between the prep time before the sale and the time spent the day of the sale, I made about $4 an hour. Frankly, I'd rather sleep in. But...there were a few things that made the day remarkable...
I'm blessed to have daughters who don't seem to mind my company so spending a morning with Sarah was a blessing.
I enjoyed seeing the camaraderie of women as they enjoyed a morning together and was reminded of my own good friends and what they mean to me.
I was humbled as I watched families gather up clothes and be grateful for them.
I was thankful that I did, eventually, make it to the AmVet trailer.
And lastly, I must not eat breakfast at McDonald's!
I always have a thrift store pile going but I'd much rather go to a thrift to buy more stuff than sit on Sarah's front porch for 4 hours hocking our wares. But you know, I love my kids, so sometimes I gotta do stuff that isn't terribly exciting. (I'm polishing my halo right about now.)
I decided that I needed a little something special to get me going that morning so I offered to make a McDonald's run for me, Sarah, and my grandson, Gabriel. I hadn't had a sausage and egg biscuit in years and it sounded fabulous. I set my alarm for 6:30 a.m. and hit the snooze button about 9 times, finally coming to with a shock at about 7:30. I threw myself out of bed, tossed on some shorts, spit on my hair, and ran out the door. I didn't even brush my teeth! I was shocked to see that the McDonald's was absolutely packed at 8:15 in the morning. I mean, you would have thought it was a famous gourmet restaurant! It was standing room only. Good thing I was "to go". I ordered the breakfast platter for Gabriel. I figured it was an assortment so he was bound to be happy with at least some of it. After I had ordered, I noticed this large number posted by the picture of the "platter". It was "1090". I looked again, squinted a little, and realized that next to the number 1090, in small letters, was the word "calories". Holy Smokes!! One thousand ninety calories just in the breakfast? Looked again - my biscuit breakfast had 510 calories. Plus, in a fit of abandon, I had also ordered hash browns. Add another 150 calories. Whatever. It was 8:15 on a Saturday morning, I looked like a slob, and I was just too tired to care. And the day had just begun!
I arrived at Sarah's with our breakfasts, which now contained enough calories to feed a small village for several days. Sarah had a wonderful attitude. She had been up much earlier than me and she and Gabriel had already neatly arranged everything onto her front lawn. It was a pitiful display. We really had mostly clothes which aren't the biggest draw at a garage sale. We would watch some people slow down and do the "drive by" and then keep on going. Now, mind you, this was crap that just the other night I wanted to dump at the AmVet trailer. Now, I was taking it personally that no one wanted to sort through my crap and pay me what I thought it was worth! Eventually, there were a few rushes and sales picked up. I was happy to at least make back the cost of my breakfast and Sarah did quite a bit better than me. During lulls, we chatted and looked through each other's stuff. I ended up loading a fair amount back into my car. For example, Sarah had seven champagne flutes that never sold. You know I have quite an active social life so I figured I could always use more champagne flutes. Score! I had donated a pair of earrings to the sale because Sarah had told me I should never wear them again. Come to find out, they never made it out to the lawn. She kept them! Hmmm. Oh well. They will look better on her.
Lots of very nice people stopped by. One group of four women arrived in an Escalade. They were having too much fun! One of Sarah's items was a small crystal ice bucket. One of these ladies was looking at it and commenting on how she liked it but that it wouldn't hold much ice. Her friend told her she should go ahead and get it. The woman replied, "It's so small, I would just have to fill it with ice and pour my booze right into it and drink out of it." We decided we liked her style. One man came by and wanted to know if we had any guns for sale. Um, is that legal we wondered? The 80 year old neighbor lady from down the street stopped by and we learned a lot about her history of flea marketing as a business, when her husband had died, where each of her sisters lived, etc. You get the idea. The nice thing was, we took the time to listen to her. In fact, Sarah was great about asking her questions and encouraging her to talk. We had no where else to be and our Craig's List ad said the sale went until noon so technically, we were working and were legally bound to sit on the porch and chat with strangers until then.
Sarah was trying to foster entrepreneurship in Gabriel. He had helped her drag everything outside so that had earned him two 12-packs of soda. He was supposed to try to sell them for a buck each and he would get to keep his profits. Several of Sarah's friends very sweetly stopped in just to buy soda from Gabriel. He got off to a bit of a rough start. His first customer was a nice young woman who had recently gotten married. Sarah had been her wedding coordinator. It was a little early for Gabriel so he needed a bit of prodding to semi-politely ask her whether she wanted Coke or Sprite but as the morning wore on, he warmed to the task. Pretty soon, he was sitting out there hollering at the browsers and actually selling more than me! The highlight of his day was when Sarah's friend, Robert, drove up. He had come just to buy soda and surprised Gabriel buy buying all ten of the remaining Sprites. Suddenly, Gabriel was very protective of his stash of money and quite excited about his earnings. I actually managed to sell my king sized comforter. It was in great shape. I just can't fit it in my washing machine. I hope the people who bought it don't mind the cat barf that precipitated the sale.
Finally, noon arrived and we began to pack up. We had one other family group stop and we let them take whatever they wanted. It saved us the trouble. Then we loaded up what was left and off we went to the AmVet trailer. I was home by 1:30 p.m. and was worn out. Would I do it again? Well, I figured that between the prep time before the sale and the time spent the day of the sale, I made about $4 an hour. Frankly, I'd rather sleep in. But...there were a few things that made the day remarkable...
I'm blessed to have daughters who don't seem to mind my company so spending a morning with Sarah was a blessing.
I enjoyed seeing the camaraderie of women as they enjoyed a morning together and was reminded of my own good friends and what they mean to me.
I was humbled as I watched families gather up clothes and be grateful for them.
I was thankful that I did, eventually, make it to the AmVet trailer.
And lastly, I must not eat breakfast at McDonald's!
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Easter
Today will be my third Easter without Paul. In some ways, it seems like he's been gone forever. But other times, it's as if he were next to me just yesterday. That first Easter without him was the first time I went back to church. He had left on January 31st and I hadn't been to church since that day. I figured Easter was a good day to give it a try. I knew there would be so many people at church that I would be less noticed. I remember nothing else about that day except that I made it. Made it to church, made it through the day. And that was enough - for that day. I struggled for the whole next year with getting myself to church. So many memories were there and it was painful to be there. My attendance was irregular but I kept at it. Easter, 2011 approached and I read that our church would be having the Stations of the Cross for Good Friday. I decided to go, all by myself, and I was so blessed by the experience. I was needy and God met me there. I didn't have to wonder or struggle or question. I sat in the dark, read the folder that gave guidance on what to reflect on and how to pray, and slowly moved through Christ's suffering, death, and resurrection as well as pondered my own suffering.
For just about the whole next year I continued to struggle with the church thing. I visited other churches and finally settled on a tiny congregation of people that loved the Lord and were so welcoming to me. I knew I needed to be in church - wanted to be in church - but oh, it was difficult. Paul and I had been so involved and one of my greatest joys had been ministering along side of him. Now, everything was different. But that little congregation gave me breathing room and a little more time to heal and I am so grateful to them. I recently decided to come back to my old church. I had mixed feelings. The little church I had been attending had been like a balm to me, soothing and refreshing. But it didn't feel like home. Paul and I had been attending the same church since moving to Paso nearly 17 years ago. Somewhat reluctantly, I left the small group that had been a refuge for me and returned to my home church. That was about two months ago. While getting myself to church is still a struggle, I am no longer haunted by visions of Paul and for that, I am grateful.
And so it was with a lot of anticipation that I approached this Easter. I was looking forward to going to Stations of the Cross again. I went early in the day and there weren't very many people and that suited me just fine. Again I was blessed by the time I spent with the Lord as I contemplated Christ's sacrifice for me. I've been crying about my own losses long enough! Christ gave up His very throne in heaven, for a time, for me! I need to live for Him, not for myself. For the first time in a long time, I feel myself looking ahead. As I prayed on Good Friday, I asked the Lord to help me look up towards Him instead of inward, towards myself. I also asked Him to use me, somehow.
Melissa asked me yesterday that if I had known my marriage would end up like it has, would I have still gotten married. She wanted to know if I had regrets. It was a tough question and one I hadn't really thought about. I finally told her that I had no regrets and despite what has happened I have lots of good memories and of course, awesome daughters. I was reminded of something I had read in the book, One Thousand Gifts. The author, Ann Voskamp, was relating a conversation with her brother-in-law who had buried two children in less than two years. She said to him, "If it were up to me, I'd write this story differently!"
Her brother-in-law responded that maybe he didn't have to understand all that God allows. He tells her that maybe, just maybe, you don't want to change the story, because you don't know what a different ending holds. God knows how it all works out even though we don't. And all the loss we experience in this life draws us closer to the God who loves us endlessly.
So that is where I want to be this Easter. I want to let God write my story and I want to trust Him fully with the plot of my life. I want to be filled with the joy of His salvation and rejoice in the fact that He chose me! In the end, I will spend eternity with the God who gave Himself fully for me. This in-between stuff? It's just the movie trailer.
For just about the whole next year I continued to struggle with the church thing. I visited other churches and finally settled on a tiny congregation of people that loved the Lord and were so welcoming to me. I knew I needed to be in church - wanted to be in church - but oh, it was difficult. Paul and I had been so involved and one of my greatest joys had been ministering along side of him. Now, everything was different. But that little congregation gave me breathing room and a little more time to heal and I am so grateful to them. I recently decided to come back to my old church. I had mixed feelings. The little church I had been attending had been like a balm to me, soothing and refreshing. But it didn't feel like home. Paul and I had been attending the same church since moving to Paso nearly 17 years ago. Somewhat reluctantly, I left the small group that had been a refuge for me and returned to my home church. That was about two months ago. While getting myself to church is still a struggle, I am no longer haunted by visions of Paul and for that, I am grateful.
And so it was with a lot of anticipation that I approached this Easter. I was looking forward to going to Stations of the Cross again. I went early in the day and there weren't very many people and that suited me just fine. Again I was blessed by the time I spent with the Lord as I contemplated Christ's sacrifice for me. I've been crying about my own losses long enough! Christ gave up His very throne in heaven, for a time, for me! I need to live for Him, not for myself. For the first time in a long time, I feel myself looking ahead. As I prayed on Good Friday, I asked the Lord to help me look up towards Him instead of inward, towards myself. I also asked Him to use me, somehow.
Melissa asked me yesterday that if I had known my marriage would end up like it has, would I have still gotten married. She wanted to know if I had regrets. It was a tough question and one I hadn't really thought about. I finally told her that I had no regrets and despite what has happened I have lots of good memories and of course, awesome daughters. I was reminded of something I had read in the book, One Thousand Gifts. The author, Ann Voskamp, was relating a conversation with her brother-in-law who had buried two children in less than two years. She said to him, "If it were up to me, I'd write this story differently!"
Her brother-in-law responded that maybe he didn't have to understand all that God allows. He tells her that maybe, just maybe, you don't want to change the story, because you don't know what a different ending holds. God knows how it all works out even though we don't. And all the loss we experience in this life draws us closer to the God who loves us endlessly.
So that is where I want to be this Easter. I want to let God write my story and I want to trust Him fully with the plot of my life. I want to be filled with the joy of His salvation and rejoice in the fact that He chose me! In the end, I will spend eternity with the God who gave Himself fully for me. This in-between stuff? It's just the movie trailer.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Giving Thanks, Part 4
I told myself I'd list 100 things that I was thankful for and I'm down to the last 25. I know that I am grateful for a lot more than 100 things but the fact that I am having trouble listing them leads me to believe that my perspective is not what it should be. I need to be expectantly watching for God's blessings and recognizing His goodness ALL THE TIME! I need to take time to thank Him right at the moment that something hits me so that I begin to re-train my thoughts. I want to focus on Him and the positive things in my life - not on myself or negative things. 2012 is going to be different!!
With that in mind, I'm thankful...
76. that I did not hit that skunk the other night.
77. that my kids are all so giving and generous.
78. for my craft supply stash.
79. for free return shipping.
80. for the wisdom of others.
81. that time heals.
82. that each day is another opportunity to start a diet.
83. for antibiotics.
84. for solitude.
85. for firewood.
86. that this isn't all there is.
87. for iTunes.
88. for Barnes & Noble gift cards.
89. for God's loving protection.
90. that God gives me hope!
"Hope which was lost,
now stands renewed."
91. that Paul's leaving didn't kill me.
92. for my selective memory.
93. for sweet conversations.
94. for Christmas lights.
95. for church family.
96. that He welcomes me home!
97. for the way music expresses what I cannot.
98. that God never gives up on me.
99. that the weight of my sin is not on my shoulders.
100. that God is my Saviour King!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiFLqsNlISY
MY PORTION IS HIM
AND I AM
MORE THAN BLESSED!!
With that in mind, I'm thankful...
76. that I did not hit that skunk the other night.
77. that my kids are all so giving and generous.
78. for my craft supply stash.
79. for free return shipping.
80. for the wisdom of others.
81. that time heals.
82. that each day is another opportunity to start a diet.
83. for antibiotics.
84. for solitude.
85. for firewood.
86. that this isn't all there is.
87. for iTunes.
88. for Barnes & Noble gift cards.
89. for God's loving protection.
90. that God gives me hope!
"Hope which was lost,
now stands renewed."
91. that Paul's leaving didn't kill me.
92. for my selective memory.
93. for sweet conversations.
94. for Christmas lights.
95. for church family.
96. that He welcomes me home!
97. for the way music expresses what I cannot.
98. that God never gives up on me.
99. that the weight of my sin is not on my shoulders.
100. that God is my Saviour King!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiFLqsNlISY
MY PORTION IS HIM
AND I AM
MORE THAN BLESSED!!
Friday, December 16, 2011
Giving Thanks, Part 3
So many things are floating around in my head right now. It's been a tough week and while I really do want to be thankful for all that God allows, it is becoming more of a challenge. But this is where the rubber meets the road, isn't it? The first 25 things I listed on my "thankful list" were pretty easy to come up with. The second 25 took a little more effort but was still manageable. But today? How do you thank the Lord when you are crying with your grown daughter at 2 in the morning? What do you say to another daughter when the doctor appointment didn't go as planned? How do I process my own feelings of grief over my failed marriage and still remain thankful? And how do I get my mind off myself and onto Christ, our Savior, as we celebrate His birth?
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Col. 3:12
I know that the answers lie in His Word and that is where I need to go. But to be honest, it is easier to just sit and ponder and be frustrated. Lame! I want to shake myself sometimes and tell myself to just suck it up. I am blessed - no matter what! This world is hard but it won't always be this way. Someday, we will live without sorrow or tears. Praise God! And so, with that in mind...
I am thankful for:
51. the hope of an eternity in heaven.
52. the success of my grandson, Asher's, surgery.
53. being able to be available for my kids and grandkids.
54. Rollo candies.
55. my rheumatologist, Dr. Eibschutz.
56. a day off.
57. sunshine and rain.
58. having the house all to myself.
59. a chaotic household.
60. baggy sweatshirts.
61. always being able to trust in the Lord.
"Those who know Your Name will trust in You, for You, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek You." (Psalm 9:10).
62. my comfy, warm bed.
63. flu shots.
64. the greatness of God!
"What does an all-sufficient God, who owns and controls all things, demand from the creature He has made? That we cease to be great in our own eyes and become small that He might appear great." (John Piper)
65. an affordable window washing service.
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Col. 3:12
I know that the answers lie in His Word and that is where I need to go. But to be honest, it is easier to just sit and ponder and be frustrated. Lame! I want to shake myself sometimes and tell myself to just suck it up. I am blessed - no matter what! This world is hard but it won't always be this way. Someday, we will live without sorrow or tears. Praise God! And so, with that in mind...
I am thankful for:
51. the hope of an eternity in heaven.
52. the success of my grandson, Asher's, surgery.
53. being able to be available for my kids and grandkids.
54. Rollo candies.
55. my rheumatologist, Dr. Eibschutz.
56. a day off.
57. sunshine and rain.
58. having the house all to myself.
59. a chaotic household.
60. baggy sweatshirts.
61. always being able to trust in the Lord.
"Those who know Your Name will trust in You, for You, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek You." (Psalm 9:10).
62. my comfy, warm bed.
63. flu shots.
64. the greatness of God!
"What does an all-sufficient God, who owns and controls all things, demand from the creature He has made? That we cease to be great in our own eyes and become small that He might appear great." (John Piper)
65. an affordable window washing service.
66. God's grace.
"Grace is God's riches at Christ's expense. Grace is the unmerited favor of God. Grace is God giving us what we cannot earn." (Dr. Robert Jeffress)
67. being chosen by God!
68. the comic strip "Zits", my all-time favorite!
69. growing up in a safe, child-friendly neighborhood.
70. being born in America.
71. the kindness of strangers.
(like the two young men who helped me turn off my car horn. See "My Car" from 7/25/11 blog.)
72. sitting outside around a fire talking in the dark with family and friends.
73. wine.
74. the ability to read.
75. God's daily provision and that I don't go without.
73. wine.
74. the ability to read.
75. God's daily provision and that I don't go without.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Giving Thanks, Part 2
It's funny - I'm not feeling sure that I'll be able to come up with the rest of the 75 things I'm thankful for so that I can complete my list of 100 BUT I have felt more thankful this week just by pondering all this. So here goes - some more things ...
I'm thankful for:
26. A good mechanic (see #15 in Part 1).
27. A new kitchen faucet.
28. Alias (my current Netflix obsession).
29. the unconditional love of grandchildren.
30. FORGIVENESS! (and not just receiving it, but giving it also.)
31. "the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is Thy faithfulness!"
32. the sound of a vacuum (that I'M not operating).
33. sleeping in.
34. falling asleep at night knowing that I am not alone!
(no matter what my feelings tell me)
35. weekends and staying up late.
36. coffee. (see #33 and #35)
37. second chances.
38. trusting God even though I can't see or understand.
39. not being born rich or marrying rich.
40. humor.
41. songs written just for me. (Thanks, Jenny)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ
42. imagination and creativity.
43. big earrings! (Come on, girls, I'm not alone in this!)
44. nice, warm socks.
45. driving to work without getting on a freeway.
46. being able to have children.
(something I took for granted)
47. the privilege of being "Grammy".
48. hair color in a box.
49. my love of nature.
50. the beautiful sound of a 12-string guitar.
I'm thankful for:
26. A good mechanic (see #15 in Part 1).
27. A new kitchen faucet.
28. Alias (my current Netflix obsession).
29. the unconditional love of grandchildren.
30. FORGIVENESS! (and not just receiving it, but giving it also.)
31. "the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases,
His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is Thy faithfulness!"
32. the sound of a vacuum (that I'M not operating).
33. sleeping in.
34. falling asleep at night knowing that I am not alone!
(no matter what my feelings tell me)
35. weekends and staying up late.
36. coffee. (see #33 and #35)
37. second chances.
38. trusting God even though I can't see or understand.
39. not being born rich or marrying rich.
40. humor.
41. songs written just for me. (Thanks, Jenny)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQ
42. imagination and creativity.
43. big earrings! (Come on, girls, I'm not alone in this!)
44. nice, warm socks.
45. driving to work without getting on a freeway.
46. being able to have children.
(something I took for granted)
47. the privilege of being "Grammy".
48. hair color in a box.
49. my love of nature.
50. the beautiful sound of a 12-string guitar.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Giving Thanks, Part 1
So, as I said in my last post, I'm going to try to start on the whole being more thankful thing. I thought, that in order to be more accountable, I'd better publish the things I'm thankful for. I want to get a list of at least 100 but I won't bore you with it all at once. Here's my start ...
I'm thankful for:
1. hot water and flush toilets
By the way, these are not in any particular order although flush toilets are pretty far up on my list.
2. birds
3. God's patience with me
4. Christian parents and an idyllic childhood
5. pets
6. daughters, sons-in-law (4 of each) and grandchildren (all 6 of them)
7. the fact that Paul didn't leave me until after our children were grown
8. lifelong friends
9. the Bible
10. a job that I enjoy and great bosses
11. getting to live in the country
12. books, books, and more books
13. a warm fire at night
14. medical care
15. a car that, though quite old, runs
14. my sewing machine
15. my brother, whose struggles remind me how blessed I am to walk with God
16. my Tuesday night Bible Study and my Monday small group
17. alarm clocks (without which I could NEVER get up)
18. thrift stores
19. eye glasses
20. computers
21. the times when I don't have to wear a bra
22. photographs
23. music
24. the strength that God provides
25. opportunities to minister to others
Enough for tonight. I will say that I awoke this morning and immediately began thanking God for some things. I was foggy, still not fully awake, but it was a wonderful way to start the day before ever getting out of bed. When I finally did get up I discovered that we had almost no water pressure because the switch on the well's booster pump had frozen up. I had to stick my head in the sink and wet my hair under a trickle of water so that I could attempt to tame the serious bed-head before going to work. It was a slightly rocky start to the day and certainly unexpected but it didn't seem to bother me. It just became a funny little story to tell. I'm thinking maybe that's because my attitude was subtly influenced by the thanks that had been on my mind first thing. We'll see.
I'm thankful for:
1. hot water and flush toilets
By the way, these are not in any particular order although flush toilets are pretty far up on my list.
2. birds
3. God's patience with me
4. Christian parents and an idyllic childhood
5. pets
6. daughters, sons-in-law (4 of each) and grandchildren (all 6 of them)
7. the fact that Paul didn't leave me until after our children were grown
8. lifelong friends
9. the Bible
10. a job that I enjoy and great bosses
11. getting to live in the country
12. books, books, and more books
13. a warm fire at night
14. medical care
15. a car that, though quite old, runs
14. my sewing machine
15. my brother, whose struggles remind me how blessed I am to walk with God
16. my Tuesday night Bible Study and my Monday small group
17. alarm clocks (without which I could NEVER get up)
18. thrift stores
19. eye glasses
20. computers
21. the times when I don't have to wear a bra
22. photographs
23. music
24. the strength that God provides
25. opportunities to minister to others
Enough for tonight. I will say that I awoke this morning and immediately began thanking God for some things. I was foggy, still not fully awake, but it was a wonderful way to start the day before ever getting out of bed. When I finally did get up I discovered that we had almost no water pressure because the switch on the well's booster pump had frozen up. I had to stick my head in the sink and wet my hair under a trickle of water so that I could attempt to tame the serious bed-head before going to work. It was a slightly rocky start to the day and certainly unexpected but it didn't seem to bother me. It just became a funny little story to tell. I'm thinking maybe that's because my attitude was subtly influenced by the thanks that had been on my mind first thing. We'll see.
Friday, December 2, 2011
But...
I'm sitting here this morning in the peace and quiet and looking out my living windows. I've been thinking a lot as the holidays approach. I was praying and asking the Lord to show me... show me something. And yet at the same time, it was a half-hearted prayer. I really just wanted to sit and ruminate, but on my own thoughts, not God's.
I love to watch the birds out the window. I finally filled the hummingbird feeder the other day so there is plenty of activity there. Poor things, I hadn't filled it all year. I'm not sure how they survived without me - I guess they had to get their nourishment right from the source that God gave them. You know - flowers and all that natural stuff. They prefer my sugar water, though, because it's so easy to get. Hmmm, I'll have to come back to that thought.
Next, I noticed a bird's nest in the tree out front. It hadn't been visible before because it was hidden in the leaves. But we had a tremendous wind storm out here the other night. In just a few hours, the wind blew all the leaves off the tree. I have bird houses all over the place and none of them has ever been occupied! This nest is actually perched just a few feet above a very nice bird house that I had stuck in that tree. Apparently, the birds prefer the higher location, the effort in building the nest, and the surroundings of the tree instead of my wooden house. Again, all that natural stuff. Again, I must come back to that thought.
So, my friend Janine challenged my daughter, Melissa, to write down 100 things she is thankful for. I've been thinking a lot about that. Jenny just wrote a blog about her struggles of late and all that she is thankful for. She also got me to pondering gratitude. I confidently thought to myself, "Oh, I'm plenty grateful." But you know what? I'm not. Not really. Why not? I think it's because there is a big "but" in my life.
I think this is what I'm saying to God:
"I'm grateful for the kids but...I don't have a husband to keep me company."
"I'm grateful for my grandkids but...I don't have a husband to share that with."
"I'm grateful for this beautiful place I live in...but I don't have a husband to sit in front of the fireplace with."
You get the idea. I'm withholding gratitude because I don't think I deserve what has happened to me. I don't think I can ever be quite whole again. I don't think I can ever be completely satisfied. Me, me, me! That has been my focus for far too long. And even I am getting sick of myself.
So now let's go back to the birds and what I can learn from them.
Do I really think that the hummingbirds had a panic attack when I quit filling their feeder last year? Did they hover together and wonder how they were ever going to feed themselves now that Debbie's Diner was closed? How about my little family of birds in the tree? When all the leaves blew off and revealed their hiding place did they think, "Wow, we should have stayed down below there at Brown's Bed and Breakfast!"?
I seriously doubt it. No, they depended on their Maker for food and shelter, life itself, and accepted God's goodness without question. The birds don't gripe about their life being too hard. Seriously, have you ever seen an unhappy bird?
And one last thought - I never would have seen that beautiful nest silhouetted in the tree if the wind storm hadn't removed all the leaves. I know God is working in my life! I may feel like I'm having to work way too hard just to survive but God's bounty awaits me. I might still feel like I'm in the midst of the storm but God's beauty will eventually be revealed. So I'm taking up Janine's and Jenny's "Thankfulness Challenge". I'm making a list and checking it twice. Anyone want to join me?
I love to watch the birds out the window. I finally filled the hummingbird feeder the other day so there is plenty of activity there. Poor things, I hadn't filled it all year. I'm not sure how they survived without me - I guess they had to get their nourishment right from the source that God gave them. You know - flowers and all that natural stuff. They prefer my sugar water, though, because it's so easy to get. Hmmm, I'll have to come back to that thought.
Next, I noticed a bird's nest in the tree out front. It hadn't been visible before because it was hidden in the leaves. But we had a tremendous wind storm out here the other night. In just a few hours, the wind blew all the leaves off the tree. I have bird houses all over the place and none of them has ever been occupied! This nest is actually perched just a few feet above a very nice bird house that I had stuck in that tree. Apparently, the birds prefer the higher location, the effort in building the nest, and the surroundings of the tree instead of my wooden house. Again, all that natural stuff. Again, I must come back to that thought.
So, my friend Janine challenged my daughter, Melissa, to write down 100 things she is thankful for. I've been thinking a lot about that. Jenny just wrote a blog about her struggles of late and all that she is thankful for. She also got me to pondering gratitude. I confidently thought to myself, "Oh, I'm plenty grateful." But you know what? I'm not. Not really. Why not? I think it's because there is a big "but" in my life.
I think this is what I'm saying to God:
"I'm grateful for the kids but...I don't have a husband to keep me company."
"I'm grateful for my grandkids but...I don't have a husband to share that with."
"I'm grateful for this beautiful place I live in...but I don't have a husband to sit in front of the fireplace with."
You get the idea. I'm withholding gratitude because I don't think I deserve what has happened to me. I don't think I can ever be quite whole again. I don't think I can ever be completely satisfied. Me, me, me! That has been my focus for far too long. And even I am getting sick of myself.
So now let's go back to the birds and what I can learn from them.
Do I really think that the hummingbirds had a panic attack when I quit filling their feeder last year? Did they hover together and wonder how they were ever going to feed themselves now that Debbie's Diner was closed? How about my little family of birds in the tree? When all the leaves blew off and revealed their hiding place did they think, "Wow, we should have stayed down below there at Brown's Bed and Breakfast!"?
I seriously doubt it. No, they depended on their Maker for food and shelter, life itself, and accepted God's goodness without question. The birds don't gripe about their life being too hard. Seriously, have you ever seen an unhappy bird?
And one last thought - I never would have seen that beautiful nest silhouetted in the tree if the wind storm hadn't removed all the leaves. I know God is working in my life! I may feel like I'm having to work way too hard just to survive but God's bounty awaits me. I might still feel like I'm in the midst of the storm but God's beauty will eventually be revealed. So I'm taking up Janine's and Jenny's "Thankfulness Challenge". I'm making a list and checking it twice. Anyone want to join me?
Matthew 6:25-27
English Standard Version (ESV)
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Conversation with God
Lord, I am so tired.
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; Lam. 3:21, 22
Lord, my children are angry. Lord, I am angry.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8
In your anger do not sin. Eph. 4:26
How long, oh Lord, until we get a break?
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him. Lam. 3:25
I am hurting, Lord. And worse, my children are hurting!
I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. Psalm 31:7
I feel so alone, Lord.
In Thee, O Lord, do I seek refuge. Psalm 31:1
I don't understand why all this has happened.
Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure. Ecclesiastes 7:3 & 4
I don't know what to do - for myself, for my dad, for my kids.
I will give thanks... Psalm 139:14, I Chronicles 16:34, Psalms 7:17, 28:7, 100:4, 105:1, I Thess. 5:18
Lord, I need sleep so badly. Restful, peaceful, sleep.
Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. Psalm 31:9
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8
I keep praying, Lord. Do You hear me?
In my distress I screamed to the Lord for His help. And He heard me from heaven; my cry reached His ears. Psalm 18:6
Lord, I'm tired of crying every night!
I am worn out with pain; every night my pillow is wet with tears. Psalm 6:6
He will wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain. All of that has gone forever. Rev. 21:4
But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; Lam. 3:21, 22
Lord, my children are angry. Lord, I am angry.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil. Psalm 37:8
In your anger do not sin. Eph. 4:26
How long, oh Lord, until we get a break?
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him. Lam. 3:25
I am hurting, Lord. And worse, my children are hurting!
I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. Psalm 31:7
I feel so alone, Lord.
In Thee, O Lord, do I seek refuge. Psalm 31:1
I don't understand why all this has happened.
Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure. Ecclesiastes 7:3 & 4
I don't know what to do - for myself, for my dad, for my kids.
I will give thanks... Psalm 139:14, I Chronicles 16:34, Psalms 7:17, 28:7, 100:4, 105:1, I Thess. 5:18
Lord, I need sleep so badly. Restful, peaceful, sleep.
Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. Psalm 31:9
I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8
I keep praying, Lord. Do You hear me?
In my distress I screamed to the Lord for His help. And He heard me from heaven; my cry reached His ears. Psalm 18:6
Lord, I'm tired of crying every night!
I am worn out with pain; every night my pillow is wet with tears. Psalm 6:6
He will wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain. All of that has gone forever. Rev. 21:4
Monday, September 12, 2011
Grammy Dates
I have the privilege of having four of my six grandchildren living in the same town as me. Recently, I had a couple of days off from work so I decided to get some special, dedicated time with the three older grandkids. The first day, I picked up Gabriel and Logan and took them to the beach in Cambria for the afternoon, then a slumber party at my house, then a swim in the morning and finally returned them home. I picked up Felicity, my only local granddaughter next, spent the afternoon with her painting pottery, having an ice cream cone, going to a park in Santa Margarita, a slumber party/movie night at my house and then home for her. It was wonderful and exhausting!! I am so blessed to have them so close by.
This is at the park at Moonstone Beach in Cambria. The boys played there for hours.
They truly enjoyed each other's company.
They worked together to try to get this large piece of driftwood back into the ocean. They eventually abandoned this piece in favor of a slighter smaller one.
Here they are admiring their efforts.
Had to climb a tree just before leaving the park.
Again, notice the intense concentration.
Isn't she beautiful? Inside and out!
Sweet Lissy didn't quite make it all the way through the movie!
I am so grateful to God for my precious family.
This is at the park at Moonstone Beach in Cambria. The boys played there for hours.
They truly enjoyed each other's company.
They worked together to try to get this large piece of driftwood back into the ocean. They eventually abandoned this piece in favor of a slighter smaller one.
Here they are admiring their efforts.
Had to climb a tree just before leaving the park.
Swimming by 10:00 a.m. the next morning - cold water didn't seem to bother them at all.
Next day was Lissy's turn. Notice the concentration at the Paint Your Own Pottery place in Atascadero.
Next, what could be better on a hot day than a Rite-Aid ice cream cone? Grammy's Rite-Aid cone! Yep, Lissy's cone took a nose dive onto the pavement right after we left the store. Oh well, at least we had a backup!
Visited a beautiful little park in Santa Margarita and we were the only ones there.
Again, notice the intense concentration.
Isn't she beautiful? Inside and out!
Sweet Lissy didn't quite make it all the way through the movie!
I am so grateful to God for my precious family.
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