My Evening

Getting to hear about my grandkids' drum lessons, ballet lessons, and breakdancing lessons.

Feeding my dad leftovers and being praised like he was eating at Artisan.

Watering my only two remaining tomato plants and enjoying the tropical weather.

Being visited by the sweet dog from across the road.

Watching a stunning sunset which included a rainbow that was all dark pink.

Mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Chatting with a friend.

Praying for someone else.

Walking out to the kitchen to discover the visiting dog had let himself in.

Thanks to my cats, one less mouse.

Spending some time planning my trip to Tucson to see sweet Tammera and family.

Reconnecting with an old friend.

Zoning out to Property Brothers.

Persevering, Surviving, Thriving.


Is life any less precious just because your spouse is MIA? No! What if your arms ache for a child but you're still waiting? Money problems, sleep deprivation, job stresses, loneliness, family dysfunction, outliving your partner, wayward children. The list of difficulties that we all live with is endless. Sometimes, our problems are due to our own sinful choices. Other times, it's just the imperfectness of this world and its impact on us. Either way, we end up struggling with moving forward victoriously.

I used to think that I had a lot of faith. But over the years life has thrown me a few curves. I realized that there are things that I don't even bother to pray for. They're big things, tough things. Too tough for God? Of course not! But I act like God is limited. Faith? I've barely scratched the surface.

But tonight, as I took the time to enjoy, appreciate, and be grateful for the small events of my evening, I was filled with hope. I've been down but I'm not out. And neither are my friends that have all kinds of issues to deal with.

II Cor. 4:8-9

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

The Race

Friday is my day off and I usually have an appointment or two in town that requires me to be presentable. I LOVE the Fridays where I get to stay home all day and be a slob. Today was one of those days. No appointments, the house reasonably clean, grocery shopping done, a day to sleep in...except I didn't. I woke up early and I was bummed about that. I am always operating on too little sleep and even when I do try, sleep is elusive. So when my eyes popped open before 7:30 a.m., I was not too happy. When by 8:00 a.m. I was still unable to go back to sleep, I decided that maybe today was a good opportunity to turn over a new leaf, at least for an hour or two. Why not get up and go for a walk/run up Peachy Canyon? Why not? Because I am a woman who hates exercise! Hates it!! However, I do tend to feel guilty about not exercising, and a walk up Peachy is pretty pleasant, especially when I have the time. O.K. I would do it. 

I staggered out of bed only to notice out the window that it was raining. Ah, shucks. There went my walk. I was up, though, so I decided to do some Bible Study. I got some coffee, turned on my electric blanket, and settled in. It was awesome just to relax, read the Bible, do my study, go off on rabbit trails about why the sons of Korah weren't destroyed (Numbers 16 and 26), and really take my time pondering the lesson. Eventually, I got up to start laundry and the dishwasher and realized that it was no longer raining. I figured I may as well get moving so I got dressed for a walk. I drove my car down to the bottom of the driveway where I left it. I'm no fool - I was going for a walk but I certainly had no intention of hoofing it back up my driveway. If you've been out to my house you understand why.

Anyway, off I went. There is a marker one mile up the road so on the rare occasion that I do go walking, I head for that marker and then turn around and come back and figure two miles is good enough. I tried to go at a pretty decent pace because I wanted this to count. After a while, when the road was level, I jogged (slowly) for short periods of time. Bear in mind that I am about as out of shape as I can be and I am also a bit old. I picked an object or spot some distance ahead of me, kept my eyes on that goal, and ran until I reached that spot. I don't like to breathe hard, I don't like to sweat, I don't like to get tired and winded. I have no stamina and really no discipline or determination to exercise. However, I found that by setting a goal and keeping my eyes on it, I was able to accomplish reaching that goal. 

I thought of Hebrews 12:1-3,

1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2 Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 

and also Philippians 3:13-14.

13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Definition of PERSEVERANCE: continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure, or opposition

It wasn't that easy for me but I was pleased to make it home and also glad that God brought to mind these verses as encouragement for me. I discovered that if I looked down, essentially taking my eyes off the prize (the prize being able to walk instead of run), I could not see the progress I was making. I could only see my steps right in front of me. I lost track of how far I had to go. It was only when I kept my eyes lifted up, fixed on my goal, that I was able to keep running and push myself to reach the spot and not give up. At one point, I chose to run towards a mailbox that I knew was up ahead but it was around the corner and unseen. But I knew it was there. I ran towards it and when I finally rounded the corner and could see the mailbox, I realized that it was a bit farther than I recalled. But I persevered because that was my goal and I made it.

I need to remember this as I plod through my days. I am headed for heaven, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but I am definitely on my way! Eternal fellowship with Christ is my prize. It's easy for me to look down, to concentrate on all my struggles here on earth. My family is not unique - all families have troubles, concerns, tragedies, setbacks, sadness, disappointments, unfulfilled desires, and sickness. It's all part of living with the affects of sin. But we can make a choice to look up, to recognize that our goal and our prize is ahead of us. This life on earth, praise God, is not all there is. I forget to let God encourage me with this confidence and I get bogged down sometimes. I take my eyes off Him. The other thing I realized on my walk this morning is that I needed to keep going. When I got to the spots where I walked again instead of running, the temptation was to stop completely. I wanted to sit by the side of the road and wait for some stranger to drive by and take pity on me and drive me home. We don't get much traffic out this way, though, so I just kept moving. It didn't matter how slowly I went. The important thing was that I kept putting one foot in front of the other. Eventually, I caught my breath, and the walk was a little easier, and then I'd run a bit more. Isn't life like that too? God gives us breathers but we have to do our part. We have to keep going. It is keeping our eyes on Jesus that enables us to not grow weary or lose heart. Isn't God creative? I finally get myself my sorry self out the door for some exercise and He throws a spiritual challenge into the mix. 

And for that...I'm eternally grateful!

The Unseen

Three years ago today Paul walked out of my life. How long will I mark time in this way? I feel the anger welling up in me and I struggle to keep it under wraps. I can't stop thinking about the part in II Corinthians 4 where it says,

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;".

I like the way The Message says it...

"We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken."


Corinthians was written to believers who were suffering because of their faith. I can't say that is the case for me. It's not a "holy suffering." It's just plain old "I live in a sinful world" sort of pain. Of course, on top of my marriage dissolving, there are always other stresses, some very difficult and personal and every bit as heartbreaking as infidelity. What can I say about myself? I'd like to be able to confidently declare that I don't feel despair or demoralization. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. However, God is sustaining me and maybe I just can't see around the corner. So this is my loose paraphrase of II Cor. 4:8-9 ...

"I have been distressed by circumstances so constantly and for such a long time now but I have not given up. I get up every morning and face the day, most often, now, fairly effectively. But even on my bad days, I never completely throw in the towel and I do not  blame God (though occasionally He and I may have had strong words). I am definitely puzzled by God's plans and intentions for me. I often wonder if I'll ever be useful to Him and I question whether I will ever get over myself and move on. But I know that He is in charge and I recognize that I would screw things up if I were the boss. So I try to trust that God knows best and I accept that He is not required to tell me the future. When despair or sadness overtakes me, I hang on and ride it out because I know from experience that this heaviness will pass. I sense at times that my struggles are attacks from Satan but I know that God will never abandon me. I am not alone and I must believe that in my heart even when my head tells me otherwise. I've been knocked down, humiliated, disrespected, ignored, called names, used, and taken for granted. I've also had to take a good hard look at my own sins and faults and face them head on. Through it all, I HAVE NOT BEEN BROKEN OR DESTROYED." Praise God!!

II Corinthians 4:16-18

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

My grandchild and Lord of the Rings

I have a grandchild out there somewhere. He or she may have already been born but maybe not. They might just still be a thought. But still, they're out there and we are all waiting for God to reveal to us who it is! I'm talking, of course, about the child that Donny and Melissa will adopt one day. It has been a long journey for them and there is still a ways to go but they continue to move forward. They are unable to have children and it is a heartbreak for them. However, God has been preparing their hearts for years and steering them towards adoption. They used to think they would try to do a private adoption. Who knows? That may yet be in their future. But for now, they are leaning towards adopting through the foster care system. They went through Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" some time ago and they are very dedicated to staying out of debt. Private adoption can be very expensive. But even more than the finances, God has been calling them to "care for orphans" and they are realizing that may mean a less than ideal situation. The child may be a little older, may have issues or challenges, may be a little more difficult. (Of course, biological children can be a pain as well, if you get my drift.☺) They love children and long to have a child of their own and if this is how God is going to provide that child then they are up for it!

As their parent, I admire them and I am so proud of them. I also ache for them. Why must something so natural, so basic, be so hard for some? As a mom, I want to protect my children, even when they're grown. I don't want them to struggle or suffer. But that isn't how the world operates, is it? Pain is everywhere.

I'm a little behind the times because I have just watched the first of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. I know, it's been out forever. I don't know where I was. Anyway, I liked it quite a lot and am happily waiting for the 2nd one to arrive from Netflix. While I was watching the movie, I thought of Donny and Melissa. Frodo says to Gandalf, "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." And haven't I said the same sort of thing? "I wish my marriage hadn't fallen apart." "I wish my mom hadn't died." "I wish Donny and Melissa weren't unable to have children."

Gandalf replies to Frodo, "So do all who live to see such times but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." Frodo finds himself on a seemingly impossible quest to return the ring to its birthplace, thereby saving the world from evil. There have been times when I think Donny and Melissa have felt that this "quest" for children is so daunting and overwhelming that it borders on the impossible. But they see God working and moving and that continues to encourage them. Of course, they wish they could have had a birth child. But that wasn't for them to decide. Of course, I wish my marriage had survived. Again, it wasn't for me to decide. God chooses, He filters, He allows. We just have to decide what we will do with the circumstances that come our way.

 “I am God and there is no other…My counsel shall stand and I will accomplish all My purpose” (Isaiah 46:10).

 “God does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth and none can stay His hand or say to Him, ‘What doest Thou?’” (Daniel 4:35).

 “But He is unchangeable and who can turn Him? What He desires, that He does. For He will complete what He appoints for me” (Job 23:13, 14). 


For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.  Psalm 84:11