Fear of the Unknown

I can't escape the pain, you know? Everywhere I look right now is pain. God tells me that He is Hope. It's hard to find hope sometimes. A friend ravaged by cancer, children and grandchildren moving away, marriages coming unglued, loneliness (both mine and other's), disabilities, physical pain, a loved one that rejects God. So much suffering and heartache. I try. I want to remain strong. I want to remain hopeful. I want to be able to give hope - to give The Hope.

But lately, I've given in. Not too long ago I stayed in bed, all day, never got dressed. And then I felt guilty so I got productive for a short time and then got back in bed. NCIS, The Blacklist, The Big Bang Theory, wine. They're not doing it for me. My go-to escapes aren't working.
 
I imagine that is because they aren't supposed to work. God doesn't want me to turn to anything but Him. And yet I keep trying. Why? We are studying the book of Exodus in Bible Study.  I am quick to judge the Israelites when they bitched and moaned to Moses. God had just delivered them out of Egypt and horrible lives of slavery. They witnessed multiple amazing miracles and yet, very quickly, they turned away from God. Their trust didn't last more than about 6 weeks and then they wanted to go back to Egypt - back to certain slavery. The horror of the known was preferable to the fear of the unknown.

Is that me?