I have a grandchild out there somewhere. He or she may have already been born but maybe not. They might just still be a thought. But still, they're out there and we are all waiting for God to reveal to us who it is! I'm talking, of course, about the child that Donny and Melissa will adopt one day. It has been a long journey for them and there is still a ways to go but they continue to move forward. They are unable to have children and it is a heartbreak for them. However, God has been preparing their hearts for years and steering them towards adoption. They used to think they would try to do a private adoption. Who knows? That may yet be in their future. But for now, they are leaning towards adopting through the foster care system. They went through Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" some time ago and they are very dedicated to staying out of debt. Private adoption can be very expensive. But even more than the finances, God has been calling them to "care for orphans" and they are realizing that may mean a less than ideal situation. The child may be a little older, may have issues or challenges, may be a little more difficult. (Of course, biological children can be a pain as well, if you get my drift.☺) They love children and long to have a child of their own and if this is how God is going to provide that child then they are up for it!
As their parent, I admire them and I am so proud of them. I also ache for them. Why must something so natural, so basic, be so hard for some? As a mom, I want to protect my children, even when they're grown. I don't want them to struggle or suffer. But that isn't how the world operates, is it? Pain is everywhere.
I'm a little behind the times because I have just watched the first of the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. I know, it's been out forever. I don't know where I was. Anyway, I liked it quite a lot and am happily waiting for the 2nd one to arrive from Netflix. While I was watching the movie, I thought of Donny and Melissa. Frodo says to Gandalf, "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened." And haven't I said the same sort of thing? "I wish my marriage hadn't fallen apart." "I wish my mom hadn't died." "I wish Donny and Melissa weren't unable to have children."
Gandalf replies to Frodo, "So do all who live to see such times but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." Frodo finds himself on a seemingly impossible quest to return the ring to its birthplace, thereby saving the world from evil. There have been times when I think Donny and Melissa have felt that this "quest" for children is so daunting and overwhelming that it borders on the impossible. But they see God working and moving and that continues to encourage them. Of course, they wish they could have had a birth child. But that wasn't for them to decide. Of course, I wish my marriage had survived. Again, it wasn't for me to decide. God chooses, He filters, He allows. We just have to decide what we will do with the circumstances that come our way.
“I am God and there is no other…My counsel shall stand and I will accomplish all My purpose” (Isaiah 46:10).
“God does according to His will in the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth and none can stay His hand or say to Him, ‘What doest Thou?’” (Daniel 4:35).
“But He is unchangeable and who can turn Him? What He desires, that He does. For He will complete what He appoints for me” (Job 23:13, 14).
For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
Marriage & My Week
It's been a bit of an interesting week. Partly, I think I am feeling the effects of, once again, living on my own. I have renters in the house with me but we are simply roommates. This past year I was blessed to have had Donny and Melissa living with me as well as Jen and the kids here a lot while Zac worked in L.A. All that has changed and I no longer come home to grandchildren worshiping me or Melissa laughing with me. And that's O.K. I'm thrilled for the girls and am grateful that their lives are their own. Zac is back in town and Donny and Melissa have bought their own home and that is as it should be. I am just recognizing that it will be an adjustment for me.
In addition to those adjustments, I've dealt this week with tough class subjects. On Tuesday nights, I am in a Women's Bible Study group and we are currently studying Proverbs. The subject matter this week is marriage. Can I skip that part? Then I went to my Biblical Counseling class last night and the subject matter was...marriage. It was a double whammy. I had some trouble sitting through the class last night. As I listened to the instructor talk about family dynamics and the needs of a husband and wife, I couldn't help but feel a failure. I have struggled with this issue ever since Paul left. What was my part in the breakup of our marriage? My sins? My contribution? Then that rolls into thoughts like, "Did I drive him away?" "Was I that bad?"
Now, before you get your panties in a bunch and come after me, hear this...I know these are unhealthy thoughts. I know that no matter what the state of our marriage was (and by the way, I was under the impression that it was pretty good), no matter what I did or didn't do as a wife, Paul had choices to make and he made wrong ones. However, with that said, even though I know my thinking is skewed, it is a battle that is waged periodically and last night was one of those battles.
My friend, who was sitting next to me in class, described my experience this way: She said, "Debbie, it's like a bomb just suddenly blew up in front of your face. You're standing there looking around. You're all right and your family is intact (minus one), but the dust hasn't settled and you're seeing devastation all around you and you don't know what happened." It is an apt description.
I drove home crying some and praying a lot. Mostly, I was telling God that I just didn't know what to do with the information, the emotions, and didn't know how to even pray about it. I knew that I needed to pour out my heart to Him and let Him take it from there. Thankfully, He understands. I simply need to get whatever words out and then wait. He will take it, interpret it, and get back to me. And has He?
Well, I can honestly say that I woke up this morning feeling peaceful and looking forward to the day (which includes a mammogram so you know He is working on my attitude). Have any of my circumstances changed? Absolutely nothing. But He is the ultimate Counselor and His counsel is perfect. I have no answers for myself or for anyone else. But once again, I am assured that He is in control, He has filtered and allowed my experiences, and all will be used for His glory. I need to continue to commune with Him and lift my eyes towards heaven. My identity is in the Lord, not in a husband. My value is in Christ, not in the things of this world. My home is in heaven, not on Peachy Canyon (although I'm closer to heaven here on my hilltop than most of you ☺). Praise God! I'm going to set those somewhat self-destructive thoughts aside for awhile and give God time to help me process and let Him tell me how and what to think. Meanwhile, I'm going to indulge in some highly advanced therapy - RUMMAGE SALE, HAIR COLORING, mammogram, TRADER JOE'S, & DINNER WITH A FRIEND!! Can you tell which one I'm not excited about?
In addition to those adjustments, I've dealt this week with tough class subjects. On Tuesday nights, I am in a Women's Bible Study group and we are currently studying Proverbs. The subject matter this week is marriage. Can I skip that part? Then I went to my Biblical Counseling class last night and the subject matter was...marriage. It was a double whammy. I had some trouble sitting through the class last night. As I listened to the instructor talk about family dynamics and the needs of a husband and wife, I couldn't help but feel a failure. I have struggled with this issue ever since Paul left. What was my part in the breakup of our marriage? My sins? My contribution? Then that rolls into thoughts like, "Did I drive him away?" "Was I that bad?"
Now, before you get your panties in a bunch and come after me, hear this...I know these are unhealthy thoughts. I know that no matter what the state of our marriage was (and by the way, I was under the impression that it was pretty good), no matter what I did or didn't do as a wife, Paul had choices to make and he made wrong ones. However, with that said, even though I know my thinking is skewed, it is a battle that is waged periodically and last night was one of those battles.
My friend, who was sitting next to me in class, described my experience this way: She said, "Debbie, it's like a bomb just suddenly blew up in front of your face. You're standing there looking around. You're all right and your family is intact (minus one), but the dust hasn't settled and you're seeing devastation all around you and you don't know what happened." It is an apt description.
I drove home crying some and praying a lot. Mostly, I was telling God that I just didn't know what to do with the information, the emotions, and didn't know how to even pray about it. I knew that I needed to pour out my heart to Him and let Him take it from there. Thankfully, He understands. I simply need to get whatever words out and then wait. He will take it, interpret it, and get back to me. And has He?
Well, I can honestly say that I woke up this morning feeling peaceful and looking forward to the day (which includes a mammogram so you know He is working on my attitude). Have any of my circumstances changed? Absolutely nothing. But He is the ultimate Counselor and His counsel is perfect. I have no answers for myself or for anyone else. But once again, I am assured that He is in control, He has filtered and allowed my experiences, and all will be used for His glory. I need to continue to commune with Him and lift my eyes towards heaven. My identity is in the Lord, not in a husband. My value is in Christ, not in the things of this world. My home is in heaven, not on Peachy Canyon (although I'm closer to heaven here on my hilltop than most of you ☺). Praise God! I'm going to set those somewhat self-destructive thoughts aside for awhile and give God time to help me process and let Him tell me how and what to think. Meanwhile, I'm going to indulge in some highly advanced therapy - RUMMAGE SALE, HAIR COLORING, mammogram, TRADER JOE'S, & DINNER WITH A FRIEND!! Can you tell which one I'm not excited about?
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Old Friends
It seems, that in our lifetime, we are blessed with just a few precious and lasting friendships. At least that's the case for me. I could not produce a dozen good friends but I could come up with four or five, friends that know me well, stand by me, hold me accountable, encourage me, and laugh with me. One of those friends is Donna. I have known her for 40 years. She and her husband, Jay, were best friends with Paul and I. Fortunately, even though Paul is out of the picture, Jay and Donna have maintained their friendship and closeness with me and for that I am so grateful. Years ago, when Paul lost a job due to drug addiction, they waited for us outside our church on the first Sunday after he had gotten fired, and accompanied us inside so that we were surrounded with support. I was terrified that day and so uncomfortable - feeling like everyone must know what had happened. To see their faces as we arrived and then to walk in with them and sit with them on either side of us was such a blessing. I've never forgotten it. Now it is 30 years later and we are still friends, though, since they live in Auburn, we don't get together too often.
My latest grandchild, Arrow, was born October 16th and Donna turned 60 on October 20th. Donna had just had her first grandchild and had returned from visiting little Giannah in Massachusetts the week before her birthday. Since Arrow had arrived safely, I impulsively decided to drive to Auburn and surprise Donna. I figured she would be missing her sweet granddaughter and might also be mourning turning 60 (or is it just me that did that) so I thought she might need some comfort from me. I was also feeling somewhat worn down and thought a weekend away with friends might be just the ticket. I called Jay and he said they had no plans for the weekend so the timing was good. I borrowed my Dad's car because as you know, if you have read previous blogs, my car is less than dependable. And no, I did not take his Miata!
http://mostly-musing.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-car.html
http://mostly-musing.blogspot.com/2012/04/birthday-tribute-to-my-dad.html
I left on a Thursday, right after I got off work. It took me 6 hours to drive to Auburn including the 4 stops I made. I tend to feel that I am required to take a bathroom break every time a decent place is available but really I just needed to get out and stretch. That drive up I-5 is so boring! I was prepared, however. I had taken a C.D. of a Women's Retreat that I had been wanting to listen to. All the way up, I was encouraged as I listened to a study on the book of Joshua. It was my own private mini-retreat. I was a little bit proud of myself for making the trip and for not even being scared at the rest stops. I was nervous going through Sacramento but after that, I began to get so excited. I made it to Auburn at 10:50 p.m., ran into the Bel Air Supermarket for a supply of wine, and then headed to Donna's house. Jay had promised to leave the front door unlocked and since Donna is a night-owl like me, I knew she'd still be up. I pranced in the front door to find Donna "decorating for fall". She had boxes out and fake pumpkins strewn about - so like her. I think I about gave her heart failure as she tried to process what she was seeing. So fun! We stayed up for hours talking and sharing grandchildren stories. There is nothing like spending time with a friend who has known you forever!
I slept late the next morning and it was fabulous!! It was as if being in a different place with different people was allowing me to shed some of the burdens that I tend to carry and enabled me to rest. And Donna, being the godly woman that she is, let me sleep.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him. Pro. 27:14
Needless to say, we got sort of a late start but that was O.K. We had no schedule. We went to visit Donna's sweet mom who is now in a rest home. It brought back memories of visiting my mom before she died. Then we took off to shop, one of our favorite pastimes. Leaving the rest home, we had to drive through the quaint little downtown area of Auburn. It's an interesting place...
This is actually a huge, cement statue that is outside of a dental office. Since I work for a dentist, I found this interesting. Donna said that the dentist himself was the artist and there are several other huge figures surrounding his office. I'm just not sure that I would feel comfortable visiting this dentist.
Next we headed "down the hill" a bit. I had brought up some peacock feathers and I wanted Donna to make an arrangement that I could give to Melissa as a housewarming present using my feathers. Melissa loves peacocks but I needed Donna to lend her artistic expertise to the project. We shopped for hours to find just the perfect container. Along the way, we found this place...
Why am I including this picture? I found it so funny and I made Donna drive me closer to get a good picture. Donna and I sort of get a tad crazy when we are together. (Also, there may have been at least one hookah party on my patio but I'm not swearing to that!)
Jay bar-b-cued that night and he is a wonderful cook. Chicken, salmon, asparagus, etc. Also, one of Donna's Auburn friends had dropped off a plate of homemade cream puffs and Donna made me help her eat them. As a good friend, I was happy to sacrifice my diet for her.
The next day, Donna worked hard at getting the peacock arrangement just right. Notice the serious concentration...
She is a perfectionist and does beautiful work! Here is the finished project...
Donna also took me to a Hobby Lobby store! Wow! We don't have one around here and it was so fun. Their fabrics were beautiful and I was forced to buy a little, even though I wasn't sure what I would do with them. I could have spent a fortune but I limited myself to these...
All too soon the weekend was over and I returned to reality. Such sweet memories! And though I went up thinking that I was going to comfort my "old" friend, it was she who ministered to me. I came home rested and refreshed and so grateful for the blessing of friendships. I wanted to do something for Donna to thank her for the awesome weekend so I decided to make her a Christmas stocking to keep at her house for her granddaughter in case she comes to visit at Christmas time. I used fabric that I had bought at Hobby Lobby. Donna loves giraffes so the stocking is a little unconventional but I don't care.
"Good company in a journey makes the way seem the shorter." Izaak Walton
My latest grandchild, Arrow, was born October 16th and Donna turned 60 on October 20th. Donna had just had her first grandchild and had returned from visiting little Giannah in Massachusetts the week before her birthday. Since Arrow had arrived safely, I impulsively decided to drive to Auburn and surprise Donna. I figured she would be missing her sweet granddaughter and might also be mourning turning 60 (or is it just me that did that) so I thought she might need some comfort from me. I was also feeling somewhat worn down and thought a weekend away with friends might be just the ticket. I called Jay and he said they had no plans for the weekend so the timing was good. I borrowed my Dad's car because as you know, if you have read previous blogs, my car is less than dependable. And no, I did not take his Miata!
http://mostly-musing.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-car.html
http://mostly-musing.blogspot.com/2012/04/birthday-tribute-to-my-dad.html
I left on a Thursday, right after I got off work. It took me 6 hours to drive to Auburn including the 4 stops I made. I tend to feel that I am required to take a bathroom break every time a decent place is available but really I just needed to get out and stretch. That drive up I-5 is so boring! I was prepared, however. I had taken a C.D. of a Women's Retreat that I had been wanting to listen to. All the way up, I was encouraged as I listened to a study on the book of Joshua. It was my own private mini-retreat. I was a little bit proud of myself for making the trip and for not even being scared at the rest stops. I was nervous going through Sacramento but after that, I began to get so excited. I made it to Auburn at 10:50 p.m., ran into the Bel Air Supermarket for a supply of wine, and then headed to Donna's house. Jay had promised to leave the front door unlocked and since Donna is a night-owl like me, I knew she'd still be up. I pranced in the front door to find Donna "decorating for fall". She had boxes out and fake pumpkins strewn about - so like her. I think I about gave her heart failure as she tried to process what she was seeing. So fun! We stayed up for hours talking and sharing grandchildren stories. There is nothing like spending time with a friend who has known you forever!
I slept late the next morning and it was fabulous!! It was as if being in a different place with different people was allowing me to shed some of the burdens that I tend to carry and enabled me to rest. And Donna, being the godly woman that she is, let me sleep.
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him. Pro. 27:14
Needless to say, we got sort of a late start but that was O.K. We had no schedule. We went to visit Donna's sweet mom who is now in a rest home. It brought back memories of visiting my mom before she died. Then we took off to shop, one of our favorite pastimes. Leaving the rest home, we had to drive through the quaint little downtown area of Auburn. It's an interesting place...
This is actually a huge, cement statue that is outside of a dental office. Since I work for a dentist, I found this interesting. Donna said that the dentist himself was the artist and there are several other huge figures surrounding his office. I'm just not sure that I would feel comfortable visiting this dentist.
Next we headed "down the hill" a bit. I had brought up some peacock feathers and I wanted Donna to make an arrangement that I could give to Melissa as a housewarming present using my feathers. Melissa loves peacocks but I needed Donna to lend her artistic expertise to the project. We shopped for hours to find just the perfect container. Along the way, we found this place...
Why am I including this picture? I found it so funny and I made Donna drive me closer to get a good picture. Donna and I sort of get a tad crazy when we are together. (Also, there may have been at least one hookah party on my patio but I'm not swearing to that!)
Jay bar-b-cued that night and he is a wonderful cook. Chicken, salmon, asparagus, etc. Also, one of Donna's Auburn friends had dropped off a plate of homemade cream puffs and Donna made me help her eat them. As a good friend, I was happy to sacrifice my diet for her.
The next day, Donna worked hard at getting the peacock arrangement just right. Notice the serious concentration...
She is a perfectionist and does beautiful work! Here is the finished project...
Donna also took me to a Hobby Lobby store! Wow! We don't have one around here and it was so fun. Their fabrics were beautiful and I was forced to buy a little, even though I wasn't sure what I would do with them. I could have spent a fortune but I limited myself to these...
We also discovered an upscale thrift store where we shopped for quite a while. It was there that we had a somewhat disturbing experience. Donna has lost 40 pounds and she looks great! However, she has not replaced her bras and you know what happens when women lose weight. You lose the girls first. We were sharing a dressing room when I noticed that Donna's bra was doing absolutely nothing for her! I left her with strict instructions to replace her bras and I intend to call her and make sure she has obeyed. Just like eating the cream puffs, being an intimate apparel whistle blower is what good friends do for each other. That night was Donna's actual birthday so we were meeting Jay at an Outback Restaurant. I had never been and we had a great time together (although Jay's cooking is superior). I was struck by how fortunate I was that I could still feel comfortable with Jay and Donna even though there should have been four of us instead of three.
By the way, I should mention that Jay has also lost 40 pounds and he looks great as well.
All too soon the weekend was over and I returned to reality. Such sweet memories! And though I went up thinking that I was going to comfort my "old" friend, it was she who ministered to me. I came home rested and refreshed and so grateful for the blessing of friendships. I wanted to do something for Donna to thank her for the awesome weekend so I decided to make her a Christmas stocking to keep at her house for her granddaughter in case she comes to visit at Christmas time. I used fabric that I had bought at Hobby Lobby. Donna loves giraffes so the stocking is a little unconventional but I don't care.
"Good company in a journey makes the way seem the shorter." Izaak Walton
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)