Friday, October 26, 2012

Arrow Matthias

Another grandchild! I can never get enough. Not-so-little Arrow Matthias was born October 16. I had prayed a lot for him and for my daughter, Jenny. She'd had thyroid issues, a husband working in L.A., premature labor and bed rest. She took most of it in stride and her calmness and acceptance of circumstances beyond her control was amazing. For quite a few months, she and the three older kids stayed with me during the week while Zac was down south working. Her kids go to bed early but it was so fun to come home from a long day at work and be greeted by these little ones who were always excited to see me.

Anyway, as her due date got close, there were some things I began to stress a little bit about. We were all, of course, mainly praying for good health for Arrow and a safe delivery. But from a practical point of view, there was a little anxiety, mostly over the timing of the big event. Jen and Zac live out in Heritage Ranch and there is currently a large road construction program going on. During the day, traffic can be delayed a bit. Jenny delivers at French Hospital in SLO so it is already an almost hour long drive. Kian, her last baby, came fairly quickly and she certainly did not want to be delivering Arrow on the side of the road. Melissa was on call to be in charge of the three older children and as the due date was approaching, her boss informed her that there were a couple of days where she absolutely could not leave work. I was a little more flexible but for several weekends in a row, I was going to be watching my oldest grandchild, Gabriel, because Sarah (his mom) was working some important events. She graciously had a friend lined up for back up but I was hoping not to have to get Gabriel up in the middle of the night and drop him at someone else's house. Another issue was that since Zac had returned to SLO County, he had been working clear down in Arroyo Grande. Hmmm. Could he make it back in time to pick Jen up if she went into labor while he was at work? Just a lot of questions and details and really, no way to plan. We prayed! And prayed! And lots of others prayed!

Could God have timed Arrow's birth more perfectly? I don't think so. Jenny went into labor at 6 a.m. on Tuesday, October 16. Zac had already left for work but was able to get back to her quickly. It was early enough that the road crews weren't working yet. I was able to get hold of my boss and she was very willing to go into the office and cover for me. I had gotten past all of Sarah's events and Melissa was able to take off work that day. I had even gotten to take a shower and blow dry my hair (it's all about me)! Seriously, when you are 60 and single, sometimes you have to consider how you will look at an occasion where you know there will be pictures taken.  :)  Nah, don't worry. That wasn't my main concern. But I was glad that I didn't have to go straight to the hospital from scrubbing Melissa's new house or something like that.

Arrow was born at 9:50 a.m., all 10 pounds of him! I was privileged to be there and then later, was able to take the other three kids home with me. And, as an extra bonus, I "just happened" to be off work the next day so the kids spent the night with me and all the next day until I delivered them back to Jen and Zac at the hospital, just in time for Zac to drive their brood home. It was a wonderful few days and I am blessed with another grandson!

As sweet as that is, what impressed me was God's intimate involvement with every aspect of our lives. Would it have been catastrophic if I'd had to take Gabriel to a back up babysitter? Would it have been the end of the world if Melissa had to stay at work? No, just not what we wanted. Would it have been terrible if Jen and Zac had to detour and deliver at Twin Cities because it was closer? Even then, no. Just not ideal. And would I have been crushed to attend my grandson's birth with flat, day old hair? Well...thankfully, God did not require that of me! He proved Himself to be near and not because He answered our prayers the way we thought He should. He went above and beyond and blessed us abundantly! We had even thought that the week before would have been a good time for Arrow to be born. But God knew best. It's hard to describe but He gave us all such a peace about everything. And then, if that wasn't enough, Jen's labor and delivery went just as she had hoped and then some. We have a God who cares passionately for us and consequently, no request is too small to bring before Him. We just have to remember to trust Him with the outcome, whatever it may be. Sometimes, our prayers are answered in a way that we aren't initially happy with. Shame on us! He is God! He will never give us less than His best! When I question circumstances, it is because I have strayed away from the closeness of our Father - not because He has distanced Himself from me. I'm a slow learner but for today, praise God, I'm resting in Him.


Sunday, October 7, 2012

Funktified!

Conversation with myself....

"What is my problem? I mope around on the weekends, I don't get my butt to church, I say I'm going on a diet and don't, I complain about stuff. I am feeling like a loser! Can't seem to get over this hump. Can't seem to hear God. What is my problem?'

I been funktified, attacked by the funk brigade, been funked upon, you name it! I am in a funk and once again, I find myself sick of myself. This journey has surprised me, I guess. I don't know what I expected but I didn't realize it would be this hard. It's perplexing to me because I still see God's caring, loving hand clearly and I see many of His blessings. But somehow, I am not truly laying hold of His joy and peace. I am concentrating on circumstances too much and not on the Creator. I have longed to understand all that has happened to me when I need to be longing to understand Him.

Joy is a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control. 

I read that somewhere awhile back and I need this reminder. God is not held up in traffic! He is just as near to me as He has always been. If I don't "feel" Him near, that's on me, not Him. I need to live in that confidence regardless of how I "feel". Joy, then, becomes a choice - a choice to see things from God's perspective and a choice to trust Him as I embrace the new life He is giving me.

So here is my prayer...

"Dear Lord, 

You know me. You know my struggles and my motives and my desires - far better than I know them myself. I want to please You. I really do! But sometimes I feel like I'm just wandering around in the desert, like the Israelites did. Please change my perspective and make it Yours. Please change my focus and make it You! Allow me to grab hold of your joy and peace because it's mine, provided to me by Your work on the cross. And thank You that You never give up on me, You aren't disgusted by me, You don't mock me, You don't dismiss me. You wait, You love, You provide, You nourish, You delight. Imagine that! You delight in me! Teach me, Lord, to delight in You."


Psalm 118:1


Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.