"What is my problem? I mope around on the weekends, I don't get my butt to church, I say I'm going on a diet and don't, I complain about stuff. I am feeling like a loser! Can't seem to get over this hump. Can't seem to hear God. What is my problem?'
I been funktified, attacked by the funk brigade, been funked upon, you name it! I am in a funk and once again, I find myself sick of myself. This journey has surprised me, I guess. I don't know what I expected but I didn't realize it would be this hard. It's perplexing to me because I still see God's caring, loving hand clearly and I see many of His blessings. But somehow, I am not truly laying hold of His joy and peace. I am concentrating on circumstances too much and not on the Creator. I have longed to understand all that has happened to me when I need to be longing to understand Him.
Joy is a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control.
I read that somewhere awhile back and I need this reminder. God is not held up in traffic! He is just as near to me as He has always been. If I don't "feel" Him near, that's on me, not Him. I need to live in that confidence regardless of how I "feel". Joy, then, becomes a choice - a choice to see things from God's perspective and a choice to trust Him as I embrace the new life He is giving me.
So here is my prayer...
"Dear Lord,
You know me. You know my struggles and my motives and my desires - far better than I know them myself. I want to please You. I really do! But sometimes I feel like I'm just wandering around in the desert, like the Israelites did. Please change my perspective and make it Yours. Please change my focus and make it You! Allow me to grab hold of your joy and peace because it's mine, provided to me by Your work on the cross. And thank You that You never give up on me, You aren't disgusted by me, You don't mock me, You don't dismiss me. You wait, You love, You provide, You nourish, You delight. Imagine that! You delight in me! Teach me, Lord, to delight in You."
Psalm 118:1
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good;
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
For His lovingkindness is everlasting.
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