I love living in the country but I am beginning to wonder about myself. Am I a closet red-neck? Or just weird?
Am I a closet red-neck if I go to my mailbox in my flannel p.j.'s?
Am I a closet red-neck if ....
I want to be able to burn my tree trimmings?
I walk out onto my patio in my underwear?
I have a fire pit in the front yard?
Am I a closet red-neck if....
I don't want anyone telling me what color I can paint my house?
I opt not to paint the house?
I pile trash next to the shop?
I have a shop?
I have a cat who pees in my almost ex-husband's sink?
I drink cheap white wine with chips for dinner?
Am I a closet red-neck if....
I've had a tarantula in my house?
I've had a stray dog fall in the pool in the middle of the night?
I have a dumpster?
I've had a gun? (No longer. It was just for snakes, anyway)
Am I a closet red-neck if....
my dad sits in his underwear and shoots squirrels
out his living room window?
I don't find it strange that my dad is shooting squirrels in this manner?
I haven't locked a door in 16 years?
I have used a push broom and a kitchen colander to clean the pool?
I have a minimum size requirement before a spider is worth getting up
to kill?
I keep "Skunk Out" in the garage?
Am I a closet red-neck if....
I had a clothesline and still miss it?
I wish I could harvest gophers?
I duct taped my headlight on and called it good?
I admired my duct tape job?
I know what J-B Weld is?
I repaired a leak in my water storage tank all by myself
with J-B Weld?
Or am I just weird?
I found this definition of redneck, and you definitely DON'T qualify if this is the standard!! It cracked me up! (And I don't think rednecks like white wine.)
ReplyDeleteA redneck is usually typified in popular culture by a straight male with a beer belly that consumes cheap American beer such as Busch or Miller by the case (Pabst Blue Ribbon in more traditional settings) as well as Jack Daniel's. They are generally distrustful or dislike anyone not like them or the government. The stereotypical redneck lives in a trailer, and drives an old, large, beat-up pickup truck with a gun rack in the rear window. He generally wears a stained, sleeveless t-shirt, blue jeans, and a trucker hat.
Their hair is generally worn in the mullet style, and they favor long sideburns. Personal hygiene is a lost concept with the stereotypical redneck, and what teeth they have left generally show the complete anthology of the stages of dental caries. Their favorite activities include hunting, shooting at road signs and lights, professional wrestling, NASCAR, monster truck rallies, car engine repair, collecting junked cars and large appliances on their lawns, having way too many children and dogs, participating in domestic disturbances, and waiting around for their welfare checks. Country and Southern Rock bands such as Lynyrd Skynyrd figure in as their preferred genre of music.
Stereotypical redneck females have similar characteristics and interests on a feminine scale. They are most often seen barefoot, pregnant and wear Daisy Duke shorts with stiletto heels.
Hey Deb...
ReplyDeleteYOU are this decade's Erma Bombeck! I love it!!!! We need to find Agents!!!!
I sooo see a book in your future... the diary of .... (fill in the blank)
I love your journey!!! I have come to realize that NO ONE doesn't have a closet... it is just those of us who are willing to share ours... to help others feel not so alone that look like red necks! lol. You my dear are not a red neck... or else we all are... even those prim and proper ones hiding behind their closet doors! Keep writing honey! You make me proud and inspire me to write!
I just posted a comment that I am not sure went through cuzzz I forgot how I posted last time but then just figured it out... I am too old for all this tech stuff... my daughter was telling me about this Etsy template she discovered and I was like duhhh... as she was telling me about it... but now that I figured it out, I had to make sure that you knew that I love your style! Keep writing! You inspire me to write more!
ReplyDeleteYes
ReplyDeleteAnd Dad took the gun?! WTHeck?!
:) No Jenny, Dad didn't take the gun. It was Jacob's and I gave it back to him.
ReplyDeleteWay too funny! :D
ReplyDelete