Midnight and still counting...

I have to work in the morning. What is the matter with my brain? It just won't shut off tonight. I'm not depressed, not upset, not worried. I'm just...awake! I decided that I may as well jot down a few thoughts that I want to remember later.

We are doing a study on Proverbs in my Tuesday night Women's Bible Study. Tonight's lesson was on money and wealth and contained valuable advice concerning too much money, just enough, and poverty. One thing Proverbs makes clear; wisdom is to be a much higher priority than money. And with wisdom comes understanding, peace, honor, and a spirit that pleases the Lord. One of the pitfalls of money is that we can begin to trust in it instead of in God. If a person is particularly wealthy, I can see how tempting it would be to think that you're insulated from life's troubles and to believe that your money will somehow exempt you from suffering.

I'm far from wealthy. But I realized, while doing this lesson, that lately my focus has been on money a bit too much. I've been weighing options, trying to figure out how to support myself for the rest of my life. I am blessed to own a home and though I have a mortgage, it is still mine and it will be an investment that I can sell one day and hopefully, generate income. My thoughts have been spinning as I have considered multiple scenarios for enabling me to eventually retire and still survive. I have an excellent realtor (Steve Holman) who has been advising me, a successful accountant friend (Ken Jones) who has graciously offered his expertise, an investment specialist (Jim Watts) who is helping me to plan, a great tax person (Kathy York) who is familiar with my situation and a father (Bob Hager) who is 100% supportive and is also a fabulous listener. What a team! And there are others that God has surrounded me with as well who are available for whatever I may need.

That's all good! But it can also be overwhelming and consuming. I know that God wants me to be prepared, to plan, and to be a good steward of what He has given me. But in my quest for the "retirement plan" , I have come dangerously close to placing my trust and finding my security in the "plan", in the money my house might generate, in worldly "wealth", instead of trusting in the God who has lent me all that I have. I am grateful that He pointed that out to me this week. There's still hope for me!  :)  And I haven't strayed too far - by that I mean that I haven't gotten all crazy about trying to push things to happen or trying to hurry up and finalize something, anything, just so that I can say, "all right, now I'm set. I can live securely the rest of my life." That will never happen, no matter what I do, so I'm glad I didn't get to that point. But I want to be cognizant of the fact that I need a delicate balance. I need to respond to God's leading as He gives me the wisdom to do so, and I need to realize that His leading may come through some of the experts that He has provided. I need to do my part by budgeting, working hard, and managing my money wisely. But I also need to wait. And trust. And know. I need to know that God will direct me when the time comes and He will let me know what I am to do. And I can let it go and rest in Him and I don't need to be anxious. What peace there is in that! He knows what I need now and what I will need later. I don't need to present Him with a spreadsheet of expenses! He's got me covered and if I focus too much on my financial situation, I insult Him with my lack of faith.

I'm kind of excited. Low and behold, I don't need to know it all. I don't need to plan it all. I don't need to control it all. I just need to be prepared to be obedient to the God who has His plan for my life perfectly mapped out. It's awesomely freeing!

Proverbs 16:20

New International Version (NIV)

 Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers,
and blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord.

Proverbs 30:7-9

New American Standard Bible (NASB)

⁷ Two things I asked of You,
Do not refuse me before I die:
⁸ Keep deception and lies far from me,
Give me neither poverty nor riches;
Feed me with the food that is my portion,
⁹ That I not be full and deny You and say, “Who is the Lord?”
Or that I not be in want and steal,
And profane the name of my God.