The Amazing "4 Minute Workout"

I hate to exercise! I cannot state this strongly enough. There is nothing about exercise that I like! I have a membership to the cheap gym - who can quibble with $10 a month - but I haven't been in at least 6 months. I've even stopped feeling guilty about not going and still paying. I'm big on guilt so this says a lot about how low I've sunk. Also, I'm pretty sure that I read somewhere that if you went to the gym twice a week for 5 minutes each time your cholesterol would drop dramatically and you could still eat butter. I'm pretty sure that was guaranteed. My body didn't get that memo, however, and my cholesterol did NOT drop, in spite of the fact that I cut down my Goldfish cracker consumption to one large box per week.

Anyway, I was browsing Pinterest (my new favorite time-waster) the other night and came across a short video about an Amazing 4 Minute Workout. According to the trainer on the video, this workout would burn as many calories as a 40 minute run and it would boost your metabolism for the next 12-36 hours.

O.K. This sounded like it had possibilities. I'm sure I could do just about anything for 4 minutes. I took my computer out to the dining room where Melissa was baking a Pecan Pie. I wanted her to support me and also I wanted to show her how buff and dedicated I was. The trainer explained that there would be a series of just 4 exercises that would be done for 20 seconds each, separated by 10 seconds of rest, and then the whole set repeated once. Simple. How could I lose? I started the video and prepared to get boosted! The first exercise was called the squat thrust push up. I had to drop to the floor, kick my legs out behind me, do a push up and then hop up to a standing position again. You were supposed to do as many as you could in 20 seconds. The girl on the video who was demonstrating did about 10 and she wasn't even breathing hard. I thought to myself, "This is awesome. I'll do 4 minutes a day and I'll lose 30 pounds in no time."

O.K. Go. Dropped to the floor, kicked my feet back. So far, so good. However, I realized, after I face-planted on the carpet, that I could not do a push up. You've got to be kidding! Not even one push up? Apparently not. My arms would not hold me. I jumped up and attempted 4 more times and face-planted 4 times as well. O.K. 10 seconds of rest. Yes! I can do this! Next was something called "Mountain Climbers". These consisted of dropping to the ground again, supporting your upper body with your arms and then sort of jogging in place with your back half. Hard to explain but I did fairly well on this part and soon jumped up for my 10 seconds of rest. I was starting to breathe hard. Next came "High knees" which was just running in place with your knees rising up to meet your chest. At this point, Melissa, bless her little heart, became my cheerleader. "Come on, Mom! It says 'High Knees', not 'Low Knees'. Pick up your feet. Get your knees up! You're hardly moving!"

O.K. I'm not hiring her for my personal trainer. I gratefully rested and then did 20 seconds of jumping jacks. Those I can do. Of course, by now, I was gasping for air, but I was halfway there! I can do this! The trainer instructed me to repeat the set. Uh oh. Squat, kick back, push ...plop. Try again. Same result. I figured I'd count it because after all, I was trying. By the time I got to the end of the 4 minutes I was in need of an oxygen mask and a stretcher and I hadn't done one single exercise correctly. Melissa was less than impressed but I decided it counted as an awesome workout since I was so winded. I happily grabbed the box of Goldfish crackers and headed back to my room for some more Pinterest. I wanted to look for the "Amazing 4 Minute Whole House Cleaning" video.