Quinten Lee

For some reason, I woke up this morning thinking about my little grandson, Quinten. It may have been because Donny and Melissa have been on my mind lately. Finances in our extended family seem to be a constant issue and we are all attempting to manage in different ways. Currently, both the Stivers and myself have ads on Craig's List for rooms to rent in our homes. I've been renting out a room for years but this will be new territory for Donny and Melissa. Anyway, perhaps that got me to thinking about their whole situation.

I began to remember the years before Quinten. I've written a few other times about adoption, etc. but left Quinten's story for Melissa to write herself. This morning, my heart is so full with gratitude for his very existence that I want to record my thoughts so that I can look back on them later. The funny thing is, just as I was beginning to write about Quinten, I got the following text from Melissa. It made me laugh.

     "Q has been in back to back to back timeouts for almost an hour. Looking forward to nap time."

As every mother knows, when your child suffers, you suffer. And it doesn't matter if they are 5 or 45. We hurt for them and with them. In fact, I think for me, it is harder to watch my grown children struggle or suffer because I can't just put a Band-Aid on it and rock them a little while. Everything is so much more complicated. While I want them all to grow in the Lord, the process is sometimes hard to watch because for all of us, spiritual growth most often comes through life's trials.

My oldest grandchild, my handsome, smart, funny Gabriel, will be 13 years old in April. Melissa had known since her teen years that she would probably not be able to conceive. We didn't stress about it then and didn't worry too much when she and Donny were first married. But then a few years passed. Gabriel was born. Over the next several years, Melissa watched her sister, Jenny, have 4 kids, and her sister, Tammera, have 3. I was the proud Grammy to 8 grandkids and I rejoiced over each one of them. But the ache in my heart grew for Melissa. She so longed for a child. And though she took her role as "favorite aunt" very seriously, that wasn't going to satisfy her forever. Donny is a quiet guy and doesn't express his feelings much but I know he was hurting too. He is great with kids - patient as he teaches them how to do something but just as likely to be down on the floor with them as if he were still a kid himself.

They began exploring adoption and it seemed a formidable task. They worked hard! They paid off debt, bought a house, took classes, worked on the house, wrote about themselves for the adoption agency, waited, worked on the house some more, and waited some more. Each time their "profile" was shown to a prospective birth mother, they were notified. We would hold our breath. Would this be the one? More time passed and more tears were shed. But they hung in there.

I will never forget the day Melissa came bursting through the office door where I work. My boss and I were sitting side by side at the front desk. Melissa could not contain herself! With tears in her eyes she practically shouted to me, "The Stiver baby will be born sometime shortly after mid-April!" They had been matched with a birth mom and the due date was right around the corner. The angels were dancing with us as Melissa and I hugged each other and my boss congratulated her. It was early February, just 2 years ago.

Fast forward to today. Sitting on timeout is the culmination of Donny and Melissa's greatest earthly longing. I say earthly longing because they both love the Lord. They know Christ and He is definitely first in their lives. But short of heaven, Quinten Lee is it! He is the tangible manifestation of God's gracious love and abundant blessing to our family. I'll be honest. Right now, things are tough for us as a group. There's a lot of stuff going on in different people's lives and it's hard. We aren't unique in that. My heart breaks for some of the difficulties that friends in the church are going through too. And then I look at Quinten and I am reassured once again that God knows. He knows me! He knows my kids! He loves us unconditionally! It is almost too much to grasp.

I don't know the plans that God has for me or mine. I wish I did. I don't like surprises and I don't like to not be in control. This I do know: GOD IS GOOD! GOD IS ALL-KNOWING! GOD IS LOVE! GOD IS EVER-PRESENT! Whatever happens, I am praying that, as a family, we continue to trust in the God who has saved us. Even Paul, in his letter to the Philippians, said that he hoped and expected that he would not be ashamed and would have sufficient courage. If Paul "hoped" he would be courageous enough to "exalt" Christ, who am I kidding? Most times, I am just hoping to get through one day without a major spiritual blunder. I do not need to be ashamed of my frailty as a Christian. I need to recognize that I can do nothing without Christ so I might as well relax and enjoy the ride. I don't do well relaxing. I don't do well with not worrying. I need to get over that. As Paul said, I need to "expect". My hope is in the Lord. My children are in His hands.

Today, Quinten reminds me that God will work it all out. It won't always be so glorious. Sometimes it will be (and has been) really, really tough. But Quinten's beautiful smile came after years and years of heartache. I wouldn't trade it for anything! I know that I should know all this. I've been a Christian for many years. Today though, I needed a reminder. And so God woke me up with thoughts of a beautiful little boy that calls me "mom-mom" because he can't say "Grammy" yet.