Joy

People tell me all the time how funny I am. I guess that's true. I do have a quirky way of looking at things sometimes. The problem is that my public humorous persona seldom matches what is really going on inside of me. I've been pondering this lately. Why is it that I wake up most mornings with a heaviness? Why do I sometimes wonder if I'm really doing anything with my life or doing anything for God? Why do I feel such a burden for people surrounding me? Is this what depression looks like? Or could it be discontentment?

de·pres·sion

 noun \di-ˈpre-shən, dē-\

: a state of feeling sad

: a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way

dis·con·tent·ed

adjective \ˌdis-kən-ˈten-təd\

: not happy with your situation, position, etc. : not contented

dis·con·tent

 adjective \ˌdis-kən-ˈtent\

: not pleased or satisfied

Uh oh. Yes, I sometimes feel sad. Who doesn't? But I am able to live in a normal way. I'm not curled up in a ball on the floor or anything. I go to work, fix dinner for my dad, visit the kids, and play with my grand kids. So...that leaves discontentment. Ouch! I've been a Christian long enough to know that a lack of contentment is NOT a fruit of the Spirit!

Galatians 5

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

So what is my excuse? I'd like to say that there is no simple answer but maybe there is. I concentrate so much on myself! Even as I deliberate this issue, I make it about me - how I feel, what I think, what I do, how I do it - me, me, me. Where is my joy supposed to come from? I need to focus on who I am in Christ and all that He has done for me.

I am saved. (Romans 10)

I am forgiven. (I John 1)

I am loved. (I John 4)

I have hope. (Rom. 5, Titus 1, 2, & 3)

I have a Savior who is alive. (I Peter 1)

I am God's daughter. (Eph. 1)

I am chosen. (Eph. 1)

I am redeemed. (Gal. 3)

I have peace. (Phil. 4)

I am free. (Rom. 8)

The list goes on and on. What strikes me is this - the Bible doesn't say that I might be saved or that I am going to be forgiven or that I will be loved or that I may have hope or that Christ possibly rose from the dead or that eventually I'll be adopted by God or that I am waiting to be chosen or that I have to earn my redemption or that I can have peace or that I am partially free. It is already a done deal. I don't have to question or worry about my position in Christ. It is secured by His blood and I am in!! 

No, I am not truly depressed but neither am I satisfied. Shame on me! 

"Dear Lord, forgive me for only thinking of myself. When I awaken tomorrow morning, let my first thoughts be of You and all that You have given me and for the blessings Your sacrifice has provided."

Psalms 5

11 But let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread Your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You. 12 For surely, O LORD, You bless the righteous; You surround them with Your favor as with a shield.

Psalms 16

6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. 8 I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, 10 because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay.

Psalms 28

7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.