Joy

People tell me all the time how funny I am. I guess that's true. I do have a quirky way of looking at things sometimes. The problem is that my public humorous persona seldom matches what is really going on inside of me. I've been pondering this lately. Why is it that I wake up most mornings with a heaviness? Why do I sometimes wonder if I'm really doing anything with my life or doing anything for God? Why do I feel such a burden for people surrounding me? Is this what depression looks like? Or could it be discontentment?

de·pres·sion

 noun \di-ˈpre-shən, dē-\

: a state of feeling sad

: a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way

dis·con·tent·ed

adjective \ˌdis-kən-ˈten-təd\

: not happy with your situation, position, etc. : not contented

dis·con·tent

 adjective \ˌdis-kən-ˈtent\

: not pleased or satisfied

Uh oh. Yes, I sometimes feel sad. Who doesn't? But I am able to live in a normal way. I'm not curled up in a ball on the floor or anything. I go to work, fix dinner for my dad, visit the kids, and play with my grand kids. So...that leaves discontentment. Ouch! I've been a Christian long enough to know that a lack of contentment is NOT a fruit of the Spirit!

Galatians 5

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

So what is my excuse? I'd like to say that there is no simple answer but maybe there is. I concentrate so much on myself! Even as I deliberate this issue, I make it about me - how I feel, what I think, what I do, how I do it - me, me, me. Where is my joy supposed to come from? I need to focus on who I am in Christ and all that He has done for me.

I am saved. (Romans 10)

I am forgiven. (I John 1)

I am loved. (I John 4)

I have hope. (Rom. 5, Titus 1, 2, & 3)

I have a Savior who is alive. (I Peter 1)

I am God's daughter. (Eph. 1)

I am chosen. (Eph. 1)

I am redeemed. (Gal. 3)

I have peace. (Phil. 4)

I am free. (Rom. 8)

The list goes on and on. What strikes me is this - the Bible doesn't say that I might be saved or that I am going to be forgiven or that I will be loved or that I may have hope or that Christ possibly rose from the dead or that eventually I'll be adopted by God or that I am waiting to be chosen or that I have to earn my redemption or that I can have peace or that I am partially free. It is already a done deal. I don't have to question or worry about my position in Christ. It is secured by His blood and I am in!! 

No, I am not truly depressed but neither am I satisfied. Shame on me! 

"Dear Lord, forgive me for only thinking of myself. When I awaken tomorrow morning, let my first thoughts be of You and all that You have given me and for the blessings Your sacrifice has provided."

Psalms 5

11 But let all who take refuge in You be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread Your protection over them, that those who love Your name may rejoice in You. 12 For surely, O LORD, You bless the righteous; You surround them with Your favor as with a shield.

Psalms 16

6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. 8 I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. 9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, 10 because You will not abandon me to the grave, nor will You let Your Holy One see decay.

Psalms 28

7 The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.

Walmart in a Small Town

Lots of people make fun of Walmart and the people that shop there. There's even a whole website about the People of Walmart.

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ 

But...Hello! We live in a small town and you just can't beat Walmart's prices so I imagine that even those who hate Walmart find themselves shopping there, at least occasionally. Besides, where else can you buy wine, water softener salt, ice, and Velcro all in the same place? Anyway, I ran into Walmart the other night for what I hoped would be a quick trip. Is that really possible? A quick trip to Walmart? I wasn't feeling great (had bronchitis again), had worked all day, and I just wanted to get in and out fast. But here's what really happened...

First, I ran into an acquaintance from church. We spent a very pleasant 20 minutes or so chatting near the milk aisle about kids, weddings, jobs, etc. A couple that we both know, also from church, stopped by for a minute or two, but they wisely moved on somewhat quickly. Finally, my friend and I decided we'd better make some progress so we went our separate ways. I passed a man who was talking on his phone. The person on the other end was evidently instructing him to buy fresh strawberries and he was complaining that he was going to have to drive all over the place to get the stuff he needed. Poor baby. Next aisle over I actually spotted fresh strawberries. I was tempted to hunt him down and show them to him but he didn't deserve it since he was such a wanker so I kept going.

I proceeded to the greeting card department.

I bumped into another friend who had been in the "Young Adult Group" that met at my house for years. He was with his fiancee and they were buying tires and discovering how expensive it was to support themselves. We only had a short conversation, however, because my dad called to check on me. Besides, I really wanted to get home. I had no water softener salt or Velcro yet but someone had put Frito's and Cheetos into my cart. Back to the cards. Do you realize how expensive cards are these days? They were $3.00 at the least but most were more. I spent quite a bit of time picking out a number of them. Another woman was nearby doing the same thing. Eventually, I had about five cards in my hand but realized that they were going to cost me more than $20.00. I started putting my cards back. Ironically, the neighboring woman began to do the same thing. We instantly bonded over the high cost of expressing affection through the written word and for the next 15 minutes, she told me how she was getting married for the 3rd time (optimistic), couldn't find anything to wear for the wedding (I recommended Dress Barn), her mother was advocating just living together (not so optimistic), and how good her fiance was to her. While I found it somewhat odd that this stranger was telling me her life story, I was also beginning to slow down and give up my dream of a "quick" Walmart trip. After all, I had nothing to rush home to except NCIS. We finally parted ways, agreeing that we would buy our cards at the Dollar Store and I genuinely wished her an enjoyable wedding as I headed towards Fabric. 

As I turned a corner a man bolted out of the Sporting Goods aisle carrying a basket designed to be hooked onto the front of a bike. 

"Can you believe this?", he said to me. "$24.00 for this bike basket!"

"Terrible!", I agreed. 

Who was this guy? Later, in the check out line, I saw him again. He was buying the whole bike which was going to cost him considerably more than $24.00. Oh well, to each their own. By that time I had retrieved my Velcro, salt, ice, etc. and was finally, definitely, hurriedly, looking forward to home. Of course, there were only three check stands open, each with at least twelve people waiting in line. I considered my choices - there was the line that had a young woman with not one but two carts, both loaded to the gills. Pass. There was the line with the bicycle man in it and he had been joined by a woman who had a dog in her cart (I am not making this up). Pass. I chose the last line and patiently waited a fairly long time but honestly, by then, I was actually enjoying watching everything going on around me. My checker told me my total and she very generously had neglected to charge me for the water softener salt or the ice. Sweet of her but I couldn't accept her gift. She redid my total and I was free! I practically ran out the door to my car. I had a premium parking space close to the store, right next to a handicap spot.

The woman with the car in the handicap slot had just finished loading her things when I arrived. 

"Do you mind if I look inside your car?", she asked me. 

Seriously? Was this trip for real? 

"Ummm, ". 

"I don't have to get in. I just want to look in the windows." 

Eventually, she explained that she owned a Honda (same as me) but she didn't like it. Her husband had Parkinson's, the car was too small, mine was larger and she wondered how I felt about mine. I found myself telling her how the front seat was uncomfortable, I couldn't see out the windows to back up (not the car's fault - it's a short person problem), and how my dad had so graciously GIVEN me the car, it had very low mileage, and so I loved it. She decided to go buy a Toyota.

Twenty minutes later I was in my garage. It hadn't been a quick trip to Walmart. But you know, I had a smile on my face. We're all in this together, in various stages of crazy. My dad never met a stranger and he will take the time to talk to anybody! That night at Walmart, I caught a glimpse of why he does that. Maybe I'll try it a little more often.

Self-Control

Self-Control:  restraint exercised over one's own impulses, emotions, or desires

I desire a dessert-type snack at 10:45 p.m. I curb my urges and do not drive into town for a Snicker's Bar. I use staples from my kitchen and butter a flour tortilla, sprinkle it with cinnamon and sugar, and broil it. That is my definition of self-control.

I arrive home from work and hear a message on my answering machine. The message is from a doctor's office in Santa Barbara asking Paul (not the apostle Paul) to call them at his earliest convenience. I have an impulse to call the office and ask them, "Why the hell are you calling me?" Instead, I exercise restraint and settle for a glass of wine. Again, self-control.

I am stressed because of work, kids, money, etc. Take your pick. I feel like going to Kohl's after work for some retail therapy, however, budget cutbacks suggest that I consider a different route. So instead, I drive home, get in bed at 6:30 p.m. and proceed to watch six hours of NCIS. That is some self-control!

All seriousness aside, what is God's definition of self-control? I am asking myself this because I am lacking in this particular fruit of the Spirit. I have self-control in some areas of my life - I rarely lose my temper, I typically finish what I start, I get my work done before I play, I apply lotion every day, etc. However, I am well aware that there are other times when self-control is completely missing. Those times usually involve eating, exercising (actually not exercising), and watching too much television. At least that's what I thought. I decided to dig a little and see what the Bible had to say about self-control.

In Acts 24, Paul was brought up on charges of being a "troublemaker" and had to appear before the governor, Felix. Paul spoke to Felix about "righteousness, self-control, and the judgement to come." That struck me. Righteousness and judgement are important, heavy-duty subjects. But self-control? Is it that important? Paul apparently thought so. And most of us know that in Galatians 5 self-control is listed as a fruit of the Spirit. I have the Spirit in me so logically, self-control should be within my reach. We do have help. 2 Corinthians tells us that "the love of Christ controls us." It stands to reason that the more we are conformed to the image of Christ, the more self-control we will exhibit. And what an example Christ was for us. When He was accused, He kept silent; when tortured He didn't fight back; when humiliated He didn't get angry.

A synonym for control is discipline. Here is part of the definition of discipline:

"training, especially of the mind or character; the training effect of experience or misfortune; the trained condition of order and obedience."

OBEDIENCE. I noticed that word immediately. I can develop self-control by simply being obedient to God. The word training indicates that this is a process. It takes practice. That means I won't be able to master it today but I will improve over time.

Another synonym for control is regulate. The definition of regulate is:

"to put in condition to work properly."

That's what I want! I want to "work properly." Is it possible that by submitting to God's training, practicing self-control, and learning from my experiences and misfortunes, all that I am will work
better? I'm sure that's what it means and that is an encouraging concept to me.

Then I stumbled upon these verses:

1 Timothy 4:7-8

⁷ But have nothing to do with worldly fables fit only for old women. On the other hand, discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; ⁸ for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

Godliness is the thing to strive for because it is profitable "for all things." I'd like to think that this means that I don't need to worry about "bodily discipline" but that isn't the case. Eating half of an Ultimate Berry Pie from Trader Joe's at 11:00 p.m. is probably not my best idea. But I tend to focus on these less important things - my weight, my eating, my inactivity, etc. I need to set my sights higher. I need to discipline myself for the "purpose of godliness." Everything I do should be measured against God's standards. It's a question of priorities and if I am spending more time concentrating on "bodily disciplines" like what I eat rather than more important disciplines like prayer or Bible study, I will miss God's greater purpose for my life - godliness. And that godliness will trickle down to every arena of my life and I will be saturated with it. Marinated in the things of the Lord, my life might one day be sort of like that Ultimate Berry Pie - memorable, filling, satisfying, and a credit to its Maker!