Reflections On A Sinful Life

I have been struck this week by just how screwed up we become when we allow sin to control our lives. Why, you may wonder, am I surprised by this? Maybe it's because I lead a fairly sheltered life. I am surrounded by family and friends that are Christians and the rest of the people in my world are fairly benign - not terribly blatant sinners but "good people" who don't know the Lord.

Sin's control and influence over a person - my dad told me it's called "the depravity of man". It's been a stressful few weeks. I've been dealing with a family member whom I love dearly but who frustrates the crap out of me. (No, it's not Paul!) I have felt trapped, in a way. I want to help him, I want to kick his ass, I want to protect my dad from the heartache of the situation. But through it all, I am almost stunned by the mindset of a person who has lived his life solely for himself for years and years.

I know I am a sinner and I am often keenly aware of my failures as a Christian. In fact, I am so aware that sometimes I feel guilty enough that I miss the joy that is mine as one of God's forgiven. However, to see close up just how someone thinks and acts who truly doesn't understand Christ's redemptive power is astounding! There is a self-centeredness that is all-consuming and yet a person can be completely unaware of it. They might not be maliciously selfish but the end result is still the same. Whether a person is blithely ignorant of their selfishness or simply extremely determined to live their life as they want to, regardless of the pain inflicted on others, they are blinded by sin and have been deceived for so many years by unsound thinking that it almost seems hopeless.

How can God reach through the barrier that Satan has built up around them? Oh, how He loves us!! I was reading the Apostle Paul's account of his conversion in Acts and was struck by how completely deceived he was and how grave his sins were. But when God confronted him, he realized his depravity, repented, and from then on out, he followed Christ. I keep praying that God would confront this family member in such a way that he can't refuse and he can't help but respond to the Holy Spirit. But every time I think things can't get any worse for this guy, they do! I mean, seriously, what does it take? We, as humans, are so stupid!!

It's a bit hard for me to grasp the fact that I am no better than him, no less sinful than anyone else, no more deserving of God's grace than the next schmuck. Anyway, I continue to beg God to have mercy and save him. And at the same time, I am so grateful that I am chosen, set apart, forgiven, blessed, and at peace. Though I sin, I do not struggle with sin as a chosen lifestyle. Better yet, I am not oblivious to all sin (just a few ☺) as some seem to be. I don't mean to sound self-righteous. It's just that when we are aware of God's standards and strive to follow them we are saved from a lot of heartache in this life. God's laws protect us from significant distress. I need to turn this loved one over to the God who loves him more than I ever could and keep on entreating the Lord to send the angels of heaven to surround him with protection until he finally gives up and accepts Christ's saving grace. I want to stand with him, someday, as we meet the Savior face to face in heaven. So glorious!