Waking too early

Those who know me, even a little bit, know that I am NOT a morning person. I have struggled for years with the whole getting up process and would much rather be awake at 1 a.m. than at 6 a.m. So, yesterday, God woke me up at 4:15 in the morning and I could not go back to sleep. It was a work day so I finally decided to stay up and do a little Bible Study of some sort. Many loved ones and their situations seemed to be really heavy on my heart. I read some in the Bible, then read a little in a devotional. I had been feeling frustrated, knowing that God wanted more from me and yet, never feeling like I "did anything right" or that I had a clear sense anymore of what God wanted from me. I was obsessing over things that don't matter, like my weight and losing sight of the Lord. The devotional began to address that because it was talking about all the things we crave instead of God. As I read it, I remember thinking, "This is just what I needed!" Funny how God does that. Still sleepless, I decided to listen to an Andy Stanley sermon called "Asking Big". My sweet Tammera had sent it to me a very long time ago and I am ashamed to say that I had not taken the time to listen to it. As he talked about prayer, I realized that I had given up praying about many things, big things, heartbreaking things. While I completely believe that our God is a God of miracles, I had let my sadness over these situations and my heartbreak for the people involved discourage me from continuing to pray for them. My inability to do anything about another person's problems had kept me from the One who is capable of doing everything about their problems. How pompous of me!! I hadn't seen the lie for what it was. I thought I was burdened, weighed down for those I love, so much so that I couldn't pray any longer. But if I am truly burdened for them, I should be able to do nothing but pray. And pray. And pray. And pray!! The sermon challenged and convicted me. I also felt a little bit of excitement because I knew, without a doubt, that God had woken me for a purpose and that He was speaking to me. Last night at Bible Study, I listened as other women shared their own heartbreaks. We live in such a fallen, corrupt world but we have the hope! My fear now is that I won't pay enough attention to all that God has rattling around in my head right now and that I'll go back to old ways. I probably will, at times. But I also know that God lovingly tapped me on the shoulder yesterday morning, EARLY, and said, "Debbie, it's time. Time for you to get up and move on. Time for you to put some effort, some enthusiasm, some muscle, some desperation even, into your prayers. And time to listen better to Me." God has been so patient with me. I've spent several years now moping around in my own muck. My prayer today is, "Lord, let me be teachable. Give me ears to hear You better and a heart to obey." And if He has to wake me more often at four in the morning, so be it. Bring it on!