It's Complicated

So, I was sitting in bed tonight, zoning out with T.V. and waiting for the little magic pill that the doc gave me to kick in and knock me out. I've got a bad case of poison oak and sleeping has been miserable, if not impossible, so I went to MedStop after church today and got some drugs. Hope they help. Meanwhile...not much on T.V. So, for some odd reason, I watched the movie "It's Complicated." In case you don't know, it's about a couple who have been divorced for ten years due to the man's infidelity. The man has remarried (to a much younger woman) and he and his ex-wife have a brief affair together. I'd seen the movie before and my girls thought I was crazy to watch it the first time. Maybe. But I was desperate for something to take my mind off the itching. Anyway,  there may have been some nuggets of truth in the movie - as well as a lot of poor choices. But tonight, I'm just going to comment on the nuggets...

The ex-wife, played by Meryl Streep, is building an addition to her house and remodeling some other parts of the house. She tells her architect to re-do her bathroom and leave out the "his and hers" sinks. She wants just a "hers." He tries to tell her that it would be better to have two sinks and that she might need one in the future. She replies, "Sometimes, having two sinks just makes me sad." I can relate to that. I am living in the same house that Paul and I shared and for the most part, it's been fine. I love it here and God has enabled me to separate (emotionally) the house from Paul. That second sink, however, is a sad reminder in the morning. When Donny and Melissa were living with me, one of their cats was terrorizing one of my cats so my cat developed the strange habit of peeing in Paul's sink. How's that for poetic justice? But now I don't have that distraction anymore. (Thankfully, though I miss Donny and Melissa, once their cats were gone there were no more weird cat pee incidents.) It's sort of like having a big walk-in closet that you used to share. I had to just spread all my stuff out and buy more stuff to take care of that problem. ☺ But the extra sink?

The most interesting part of the movie to me was how Meryl's character began to see her ex after they reconnected at their son's college graduation. She was caught up - in the history they shared, in the attention (from a currently unhappily married man), in the "not alone anymore-ness", in the "what ifs" and self-doubt. She seemed to forget the bad stuff and covered it over with enough good stuff to blind her just a bit. I've struggled with that myself. I cannot always, can't even mostly, see Paul as the bad guy. No matter what, he was my husband for many years, the father of my children, and I loved him very much. At the end of the movie, Meryl tells her kids that though she and their dad aren't getting back together, he will always be a part of her. I can relate to that as well. I don't mean the getting back together part. That wasn't really an option that I was ever given. But Paul always will be a part of me and that sometimes causes conflict and turmoil inside myself. I need perspective and pray often for wisdom. I want to see him objectively, as a sinner just like me, but I don't want to sugar coat what happened so that it blinds me to the truth. Meryl also tells her kids that "knowing how to be divorced is just impossible." So true!!

I read a review today on the book "A Grace Revealed-How God Redeems the Story of Your Life" by Jerry Sittser. The author had lost his wife, daughter, and mother in a tragic car accident. He says,

 "As we surrender to Christ, God's story, the story, can envelop and transform all other stories, "however sensational or mundane, tragic or happy." Sittser sees himself "as a witness to this truth: God redeems our stories through him. If you dare to surrender yourself to God, he will take up the story of your life and integrate it into the great story of salvation, turning it into something so extraordinary that you will be tempted to think it was all a beautiful dream."

What will I allow God to make of my story? What would happen if I dared to surrender it all to Him?

Then I followed that up with an article on grace. James 2:10 says,

"For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble in one point, he is become guilty of all."

That's me God is talking about - guilty of all. I am no better than Paul (or anyone else), I am no purer, I am no more worthy. Beginning to grasp that concept has helped me to forgive Paul, to continue to care about him though I can't live with him, to be able to pray for him, and is drawing me, I hope, closer to God. When I dwell on the injustice to me and let that fuel anger and bitterness, my relationship to God and His grace suffers and begins to feel a little distant.


All this out of a crazy movie? You never know what thoughts will spin around in your head while you're trying not to scratch. Lord, let the transforming of my story begin!