Burn Day Reflections

There has been so much going on lately that I feel like I haven't had a real weekend in a very long time. Such a danger - getting caught up in the busyness of our lives. I'd had some old, dear friends here as they passed through town on their way to Santa Barbara. Of course, we stayed up way too late so after they left that morning, I was moving pretty slowly. Still, I wanted to feel like I could accomplish something. Turns out it was a legal burn day and Donny and Zac had left piles of old rotten wood that they had needed to get out of their yards. Perfect. I happily got a great little fire going, pulled a chair up and grabbed my Nook and sat out there for hours - reading, pondering, just looking around, and occasionally, getting up to add fuel to my fire. It took all day to get most everything burned and it smoldered well into the night. I was hot, tired, dirty, and so peaceful.

It really did need to be done but it was also an awesome opportunity to have a great excuse to spend time reflecting on what's been happening and to relax and admire the beauty around me. The wind was blowing gently so that I could listen to it going through the trees. The birds were flying around, catching the updrafts as they crested my ridge. There were so many bees in the orange trees surrounding me that I could hear them clearly. I watched the winery across the road as visitors went in and out. And I gazed out on the hillsides, now green from the recent bit of rain. It was gorgeous.

I have a tendency to believe that I must be busy - doing, accomplishing, working, producing - constantly. When I was younger and raising children, it was almost a necessity. If I didn't keep working the household and the children might run amuck! I loved the regular play times when a friend and I would take the kids to the park or the beach. The girls loved it, I felt like a good mom, and I had a reason to simply sit. But now, it's just me, myself, and I. I can, for the most part, do whatever I want, whenever I want. But old habits die hard. I still wake up on my day off and think, "What must I accomplish today?"

And then I found myself sitting by my little bonfire. It's a proven fact that staring at a fire causes your mind to consider all sorts of random things. It wasn't specifically a "spiritual" day though I certainly did spend quite a few of the hours contemplating my life - how it used to be, how it was now, and how I might want it to be in the future. It was beneficial because I had to acknowledge God's active participation in my life, all parts of it, and the peaceful surroundings and solitude gave me the time to express my trust or, confront my lack of trust, in the Lord's sovereignty. That all sounds so heavy and burdensome but it didn't seem that way. I had no pressure to come to any decisions or conclusions. I was free to think, wonder, or listen. On that silent day, God finally had a chance to speak to me without having to shout over me. Because if I'm honest, it's me that gets in the way - my plans, my thoughts, my activities, my stuff. I need to remember to steal away from the world more often.

           Psalm 46:10

             (NIV)

10    He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.”

Isaiah 50:4-5

(NASB)

4 The Lord God has given me the tongue of disciples,
That I may know how to sustain the weary one with a word.
He awakens me morning by morning,
He awakens my ear to listen as a disciple.
5 The Lord God has opened my ear;
And I was not disobedient
Nor did I turn back.