Giving Thanks, Part 1

So, as I said in my last post, I'm going to try to start on the whole being more thankful thing. I thought, that in order to be more accountable, I'd better publish the things I'm thankful for. I want to get a list of at least 100 but I won't bore you with it all at once. Here's my start ...

I'm thankful for:

1.     hot water and flush toilets

By the way, these are not in any particular order although flush toilets are pretty far up on my list.

2.     birds
3.     God's patience with me
4.     Christian parents and an idyllic childhood
5.     pets
6.     daughters, sons-in-law (4 of each) and grandchildren (all 6 of them)
7.     the fact that Paul didn't leave me until after our children were grown
8.     lifelong friends
9.     the Bible
10.   a job that I enjoy and great bosses
11.   getting to live in the country
12.   books, books, and more books
13.   a warm fire at night
14.   medical care
15.   a car that, though quite old, runs
14.   my sewing machine
15.   my brother, whose struggles remind me how blessed I am to walk with             God
16.   my Tuesday night Bible Study and my Monday small group
17.   alarm clocks (without which I could NEVER get up)
18.   thrift stores
19.   eye glasses
20.   computers
21.   the times when I don't have to wear a bra
22.   photographs
23.   music
24.   the strength that God provides
25.   opportunities to minister to others

Enough for tonight. I will say that I awoke this morning and immediately began thanking God for some things. I was foggy, still not fully awake, but it was a wonderful way to start the day before ever getting out of bed. When I finally did get up I discovered that we had almost no water pressure because the switch on the well's booster pump had frozen up. I had to stick my head in the sink and wet my hair under a trickle of water so that I could attempt to tame the serious bed-head before going to work. It was a slightly rocky start to the day and certainly unexpected but it didn't seem to bother me. It just became a funny little story to tell. I'm thinking maybe that's because my attitude was subtly influenced by the thanks that had been on my mind first thing. We'll see.

But...

I'm sitting here this morning in the peace and quiet and looking out my living windows. I've been thinking a lot as the holidays approach. I was  praying and asking the Lord to show me... show me something. And yet at the same time, it was a half-hearted prayer. I really just wanted to sit and ruminate, but on my own thoughts, not God's.

I love to watch the birds out the window. I finally filled the hummingbird feeder the other day so there is plenty of activity there. Poor things, I hadn't filled it all year. I'm not sure how they survived without me - I guess they had to get their nourishment right from the source that God gave them. You know - flowers and all that natural stuff. They prefer my sugar water, though, because it's so easy to get. Hmmm, I'll have to come back to that thought.

Next, I noticed a bird's nest in the tree out front. It hadn't been visible before because it was hidden in the leaves. But we had a tremendous wind storm out here the other night. In just a few hours, the wind blew all the leaves off the tree. I have bird houses all over the place and none of them has ever been occupied! This nest is actually perched just a few feet above a very nice bird house that I had stuck in that tree. Apparently, the birds prefer the higher location, the effort in building the nest, and the surroundings of the tree instead of my wooden house. Again, all that natural stuff. Again, I must come back to that thought.

So, my friend Janine challenged my daughter, Melissa, to write down 100 things she is thankful for. I've been thinking a lot about that. Jenny just wrote a blog about her struggles of late and all that she is thankful for. She also got me to pondering gratitude. I confidently thought to myself, "Oh, I'm plenty grateful." But you know what? I'm not. Not really. Why not? I think it's because there is a big "but" in my life.

I think this is what I'm saying to God:
     "I'm grateful for the kids but...I don't have a husband to keep me company."
     "I'm grateful for my grandkids but...I don't have a husband to share that with."
     "I'm grateful for this beautiful place I live in...but I don't have a husband to sit in front of the fireplace with."

You get the idea. I'm withholding gratitude because I don't think I deserve what has happened to me. I don't think I can ever be quite whole again. I don't think I can ever be completely satisfied. Me, me, me! That has been my focus for far too long. And even I am getting sick of myself.

So now let's go back to the birds and what I can learn from them.

     Do I really think that the hummingbirds had a panic attack when I quit filling their feeder last year? Did they hover together and wonder how they were ever going to feed themselves now that Debbie's Diner was closed? How about my little family of birds in the tree? When all the leaves blew off and revealed their hiding place did they think, "Wow, we should have stayed down below there at Brown's Bed and Breakfast!"?
I seriously doubt it. No, they depended on their Maker for food and shelter, life itself, and accepted God's goodness without question. The birds don't gripe about their life being too hard. Seriously, have you ever seen an unhappy bird?

And one last thought - I never would have seen that beautiful nest silhouetted in the tree if the wind storm hadn't removed all the leaves. I know God is working in my life! I may feel like I'm having to work way too hard just to survive but God's bounty awaits me.  I might still feel like I'm in the midst of the storm but God's beauty will eventually be revealed. So I'm taking up Janine's and Jenny's "Thankfulness Challenge". I'm making a list and checking it twice. Anyone want to join me?

Matthew 6:25-27

English Standard Version (ESV)

 ²⁵ "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Am I a Closet Red-Neck?

I love living in the country but I am beginning to wonder about myself. Am I a closet red-neck? Or just weird?

Am I a closet red-neck if I go to my mailbox in my flannel p.j.'s?

Am I a closet red-neck if ....
            I want to be able to burn my tree trimmings?
            I walk out onto my patio in my underwear?
            I have a fire pit in the front yard?
                                   
Am I a closet red-neck if....
            I don't want anyone telling me what color I can paint my house?
            I opt not to paint the house?
            I pile trash next to the shop?
            I have a shop?
            I have a cat who pees in my almost ex-husband's sink?
            I drink cheap white wine with chips for dinner?

Am I a closet red-neck if....
            I've had a tarantula in my house?
            I've had a stray dog fall in the pool in the middle of the night?
            I have a dumpster?
            I've had a gun? (No longer. It was just for snakes, anyway)

Am I a closet red-neck if....
            my dad sits in his underwear and shoots squirrels
            out his living room window?
            I don't find it strange that my dad is shooting squirrels in this manner?
            I haven't locked a door in 16 years?
            I have used a push broom and a kitchen colander to clean the pool?
            I have a minimum size requirement before a spider is worth getting up
            to kill?
            I keep "Skunk Out" in the garage?

Am I a closet red-neck if....
            I had a clothesline and still miss it?
            I wish I could harvest gophers?
            I duct taped my headlight on and called it good?
            I admired my duct tape job?
            I know what J-B Weld is?
            I repaired a leak in my water storage tank all by myself
            with J-B Weld?

Or am I just weird?
                                   
                                   



                                     

                 

Mothering

I tend to mother...I mean, of course, I am a mother (noun). But I tend to mother (verb). My mothering has sometimes been mistakenly called "nagging" but that is because certain "motherees" do not fully understand my giftedness. Anyway, with that in mind, I thought I'd share with you a partial list of events that entitle me to mother a person.

If I've taken care of your animal or your child, that gives me the right to mother you.

If I've talked to you in the middle of the night or you've cried in my presence, that gives me the right to mother you.

If I've given or loaned you money, fed you, shortened pants for you, or let you borrow a book, that gives me the right to mother you.

If I've prayed for you, if I'm older than you, if you've ever asked my advice (for anything at anytime) or if you've ever spent the night at my house (while not actually living with me), that gives me the right to mother you.

And finally, if you've married one of my daughters, hurt yourself on my trampoline, or split your head open at my house, that gives me the right to mother you.

And lest you think I'm deluded, I'm fully aware that this is not necessarily a healthy approach. It just happens to be my approach. ☻

Anger - (Warning: Slightly inappropriate language)

I was watching a TV show the other night and it featured a married couple who appeared to be about my age. In this particular episode, the wife was celebrating opening her own store and was having a party for her family and friends. The husband took a moment and toasted his wife, praising her for her brains and her beauty and her stubbornness, etc.

Son of a bitch!!


What? Did I say that? I sort of whispered the words but inside I had screamed them!  And then I immediately felt a great sadness. Where had that come from? Believe me, my language isn't always pure but I don't ever remember calling anyone that. The show I was watching was a happy one. Why this sudden reaction?

I began to think about what I was feeling. I realized that at the moment that I watched that husband toast his wife, I instantly became aware that there would be no man toasting me for anything any time. At my next birthday I'll be 60 -  sort of a monumental birthday and not one I'm happy about. I don't want a big deal. That's not me. But I must admit that a loving husband singing my praises would not have been offensive. I was taken by surprise by the depth of my reaction and the anger that overtook me. Recently, after seeing a counselor for over a year, I was released  and deemed healthy enough to cope on my own. Her parting instruction to me, however, was to deal with anger. She didn't mean she wanted me to stop getting angry. Nope. She wanted me to get mad. In fact, her exact words were, "Where is your righteous indignation?" Well, I might have found it for just a moment.

I had wondered if it might overtake me suddenly and unexpectedly. And so it did. It didn't last long but it did serve as a warning. There is stuff buried inside me and while I really am doing well, I still have garbage to deal with and I need to be careful how I deal with it.

In the Bible Study that I am a part of we are learning about how God heals our hurts. Over and over, it seems to come back to trust in the Lord and fill yourself with His Word.

"Joy is a deeply-rooted confidence that God is in control.  

We cannot avoid pain but we can avoid joy because joy is the harvest of a life that consistently pursues God and insists on seeking His truth, longing to obey that truth.  The pursuit of joy is a matter of choice and perspective."


I don't know where I read that but it so speaks to me and my situation. I long for God's perspective on my life and also for my kids' lives. We seem to have the pain part down pat but joy? I've got a lot to work on in that arena. But I can honestly say that I am getting closer. Don't get me wrong. I am sometimes lonely without a husband. I am angry that he was unfaithful. I am confused about how it happened and how I could not know the man I had been with for 37 years. It has taken me awhile but I am going to sleep with fewer and fewer tears and the worry level really isn't too high. 


I have my moments. I can't lie. The other night, I made the mistake of pulling out my Social Security statements to see how much I'll get at each different age should I ever retire. Let me tell you - it was sobering.  Of course, I had always thought that there would be two social security checks plus a husband's retirement plus eventually, a house with no mortgage. All that has changed. I did spend a day or so sort of worrying about it. But fairly quickly, I was able to give it to God. I want to want what He wants. And I want desperately to please Him and trust Him fully. He has saved me! If He can do that, why do I worry that He might not take care of my physical and financial needs? He created and formed me and chose me! I don't need anything else. My dad is a pretty wise old guy and he told me something not long ago that has stuck with me. He said,


"We have limited ability to change our circumstances but unlimited ability to change our attitudes."


So I'm a work in progress but I'm beginning to have moments where I can feel a little excitement about what God might do in my life. I'm focusing a bit more on what I've got than on what went missing. I'm old enough to remember the Mary Tyler Moore Show from the '70s. In the theme song the famous phrase was, "You're gonna make it after all."  Yep, I'm gonna make it. But I do NOT want to limp into heaven still playing the part of a wounded victim. I want to race triumphantly into my Savior's arms having committed myself to obey Him above all else.



I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2, NIV).

"'For your Maker is your husband—the LORD Almighty is his name—the Holy One ofIsrael is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected,' says your God" (Isaiah 54:5-6).

Kahlua Recipe - By Request

Every year, when I tell people that I make Kahlua, I get asked for the recipe. I decided to post it here so anybody who wants it can find it. I sure don't mind sharing it. If you're asking for the recipe then you know you're not on my gift list!  :)  Anyway, this is a super easy gift to make and tastes delicious. This recipe calls for brandy but I've seen some that are made with vodka. I've never tried the vodka ones but I'm sticking with what works!

Kahlua


4 cups sugar
2 oz. instant coffee (1 cup)
2 cups boiling water
2 cups cheap brandy
1 vanilla bean


Mix sugar and coffee together. Add boiling water and stir until well dissolved. Cool. Add brandy. Mix gently. Take vanilla bean and split down the middle without cutting all the way through the bean. Open up the bean a bit so that the inside is exposed. Add to coffee mixture. Put in some sort of bottle and sit in cool, dark place for 45 days. Remove vanilla bean and drink!

Tips


Vanilla beans are quite expensive locally. Since I tend to make large batches of Kahlua for gifting, I order beans online. (beanilla.com, for example)

To make it easier to retrieve the vanilla bean when the Kahlua is done I tie a piece of dental floss around the end of the bean and suspend the bean in the Kahlua. That way, when the 45 days is up, I just grab the floss and haul out the bean.

I have saved the glass containers that the brandy comes in. It makes a great bottle for the Kahlua to age in.

Each batch of this recipe makes enough Kahlua to fit nicely in a 1.75ml bottle.

Once the Kahlua is done you need to decant it into something smaller for gift-giving. There are a couple kinds of beer that come in either brown or green bottles and have a rubber stopper with a metal clamp that secures the stopper. These bottles look great and are perfect for the Kahlua. Just ask someone to volunteer to drink the beer for you and you've got your gift bottles.

Hope you enjoy!

Conversation with God

Lord, I am so tired.

     But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning;   Lam. 3:21, 22

Lord, my children are angry. Lord, I am angry.

     Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil.   Psalm 37:8


     In your anger do not sin.   Eph. 4:26

How long, oh Lord, until we get a break?

     The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him.   Lam. 3:25

I am hurting, Lord. And worse, my children are hurting!

     I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for You saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul.   Psalm 31:7


I feel so alone, Lord.

     In Thee, O Lord, do I seek refuge.   Psalm 31:1

I don't understand why all this has happened.

     Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of pleasure.   Ecclesiastes 7:3 & 4

I don't know what to do - for myself, for my dad, for my kids.

     I will give thanks...   Psalm 139:14, I Chronicles 16:34, Psalms 7:17, 28:7, 100:4, 105:1, I Thess. 5:18


Lord, I need sleep so badly. Restful, peaceful, sleep.

     Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.   Psalm 31:9


     I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.   Psalm 4:8

I keep praying, Lord. Do You hear me?

     In my distress I screamed to the Lord for His help. And He heard me from heaven; my cry reached His ears.   Psalm 18:6


Lord, I'm tired of crying every night!

      I am worn out with pain; every night my pillow is wet with tears.  Psalm 6:6

     He will wipe away all tears from their eyes, and there shall no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, nor pain. All of that has gone forever.   Rev. 21:4