Christmas, 2011

I want to remember this Christmas. Why? Was it spectacular? Maybe not. But it wasn't last Christmas and that's what counts. If you want to get caught up, read about last Christmas here. Come hell or high water, I had determined that this Christmas would be better! And praise God, it was! So I want to remember because it will give me hope as the new year begins. Perhaps we are through the worst of things but perhaps not. It doesn't matter. God is in control and I can trust Him with my life and with the lives of those I love.


Our meager goal:

Some of the kids had come over on a Sunday a few weeks before Christmas and helped me decorate the house. I just haven't had the heart for it since Paul left. Also, my mom died this past May and though she had been in a nursing home and hadn't been here for Christmas for several years, it would be the first one she would be celebrating in heaven. I love sitting in a darkened living room with nothing but the Christmas lights on. Everything looks beautiful and peaceful. Sometimes I am tempted to permanently install some twinkle lights but I'm afraid the kids might think I was a little off. I have always aspired to be "eccentric" though, so maybe that would be a good start. Anyway, we made a day of it. We went to church (always a struggle, but that's another story), went and bought my tree, came home and ate crock pot chicken soup and corn muffins and decorated. Chaos, confusion, and clutter. It was wonderful!

And so the countdown to Christmas began. I usually like to sew some for Christmas but I hadn't gotten an early enough start. I did manage to make a few ornaments.

These were made for Gabriel, Logan, Felicity, and Kian. I also made Tammera an owl ornament but from a different pattern and I made her an owl pin cushion for her birthday but I forgot to take pictures of those. Though it hardly counts as "crafting", I also made multiple batches of homemade Kahlua. Very tasty!

Christmas Eve arrived. We went to church and then met at my house for our traditional soup supper and the opening of the stockings. Both Jason and my brother, Tim, were sick and so were unable to join us. We have really simplified things and we just put some little things in the children's stockings and we only buy Christmas presents for the little ones also.

I am so blessed to have so much family here. I miss Tammera and her family terribly and of course, we all missed my mom. And I miss Paul though that might sound strange after all that's happened. There's been a breach and while God is repairing the damage done to the kids and I, it's a painful healing. But step by step, we are getting there.

Later Christmas Eve, the Hannas, Stivers, and myself watched the movie "The Bird Cage". I know, an odd choice for the season. Melissa and I find the movie hilarious but surprisingly, the rest of the crowd did not share our enthusiasm. In fact, their lack of appreciation for the subtle and classy humor in the movie detracted a little bit from the enjoyment that Melissa and I were hoping for. We'll watch it another night, just the two of us.

Church again on Christmas morning and then we had presents for the children and dinner later in the afternoon.

At dusk, we all went out to the front lawn to participate in one of Donny's favorite Christmas traditions: a silly string war! He had bought cans of silly string for kids and adults. We had a ball. Sarah filmed it because she was looking particularly gorgeous and Felicity ended up helping her because she wasn't thrilled with the mass commotion. (She did enjoy discharging her can, however, after everyone else had emptied theirs.) We can't wait to do this again next year!

All in all, it was a wonderful day in its normalcy, its lack of drama, its commonness. I was so grateful to get through the day and even more grateful to discover that I had enjoyed myself. There had been times when I never thought I'd truly laugh again.

I find that I am entering 2012 with a hope that I haven't felt in a while. But I also realize that this hope pales in comparison to the hope that is ours in Christ. I believe Satan has attempted to make me forget that and there have been moments when he almost succeeded. No matter what happens next, I know I can trust my Savior. I hope and pray that I can hang onto that promise this next year and reflect that assurance to my kids.

Psalm 25:5

     Guide me in your truth and teach me,
   for you are God my Savior,
   and my hope is in You all day long.

Psalm 42:11

   Why, my soul, are you downcast? 

   Why so disturbed within me?
   Put your hope in God,
   for I will yet praise Him,
   my Savior and my God.

Romans 15:13

   May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.