Egrets Among the Cows

I was driving over to the coast several months ago and came upon an interesting sight – egrets. One of my favorite birds, egrets blanketed the shore where we used to live. But since I moved inland my sightings have been rare. I love these tall, beautiful, regal birds.

But they seemed out of place that day. Yes, I was almost to the coast. But these egrets were in a pasture that had partially flooded due to a winter storm. There they stood, calmly watching for prey, in a field among the cattle. On a farm, they were unperturbed by the neighboring cows. In fact, they seemed oblivious to their presence.

I came home and decided to do a little research on egrets. I discovered that these birds are quite versatile. There is actually a smaller egret that is named the cattle egret because it feeds where cattle are – catching whatever it can as the cattle disturb the area. I realized that I had a pre-conceived notion of where an egret belonged. I had grown up by the beach so I was used to seeing them there. In my ignorance, I assumed that was the only place where they belonged. After reading more about these birds, I learned that they nest and feed near bodies of water but not necessarily the ocean. I had assumed that egrets belonged at the beach because that had been my experience. In my ignorance, I limited them.

I wonder how many times I do that with God. I know (or think I know) where I feel I belong and of course, I am comfortable in those arenas. But I am probably limiting myself and God because I am not considering that I may very well belong somewhere that seems out of place to me.

As a young woman my desire was to be a good wife and mother. Now, as I near 60, I am still a mother although my girls are all grown and married, and I am no longer a wife. So where do I belong? Mothering adults is a difficult task and I usually drive my kids (or their husbands) crazy. But I still have a desire to be a godly example to my kids and I'm praying that God gives me the wisdom and ability to accomplish that. And the wife part? What a constant struggle that has become. Considering that it was my primary desire for so many years - not to be any old wife - but a bomb of a wife - what am I left with? Some guilt to be sure. Was it all my fault? Partly my fault? Just a little bit my fault? It's complicated, no doubt. Sin has tainted and poisoned a large part of my life. At times I've despaired and felt like there was no place left for me. But God has other ideas. I don't know what He has for me to do but I know He won't be leaving me just sitting around useless forever. I'm in a waiting period and I'm not particularly happy about it but I know that God's timing is perfect. He'll guide me, as He always has, when His time comes. Will I be comfortable? I hope so. I hope I will recognize that as long as I'm doing whatever it is that God wants me to do then I'm exactly where I belong.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Things That Have Been In My Bedroom Besides A Man

I had daydreamed about living in the country for years. I didn't really think I ever would but God blessed us and 16 years ago we moved here - 14 acres of dirt and weeds and bugs. Love it!! It has made for some interesting experiences along the way. I realized that my bedroom seems to have had a plethora of visitors and they aren't the kind that will rub your back or make you coffee. So here is a review of the company I've had over the years...

It started off late one night the first week we were living here. Jenny, Melissa, and I were still up doing unpacking sort of stuff. I headed down the hallway towards my room to put some stuff away. Do you know what a potato bug is? (Google it!) They are gross, disgusting, and entirely other-worldly.

http://www.lifeperfected.com/spinach/potatobug.html

Well, a potato bug came charging out of my room. (Yes! They can charge!) It was running down the hallway right at me, chasing me! It seemed to be saying, "Back up offa my grill!" I quickly turned around and ran back to the kitchen. I knew the girls would be no help and the man posing as my husband was sound asleep so it was up to me. I grabbed the flyswatter. I know, it makes no sense. But I was somewhat desperate for a weapon and you can't squish those ugly things. I headed into battle and managed to get the potato bug onto the flyswatter. I ran back down the hallway with it all the while screaming for the girls to open the screen door where I proceeded to throw it outside. Whew! Who knew that this would just be the beginning.

Several years later, in the middle of the night, a potato bug dropped right out of the sky and into the middle of my bed! How does that happen? There is a heater vent right over the bed. It's never been used in 16 years and the slots are very small. I didn't see how a bug that size could get through but nevertheless, it's the only source I could figure out unless this was a mutant potato bug that had developed the ability to fly. In our panic we began flailing our arms in the dark with really no knowledge of where the thing would end up. I found it the next morning, alive, in our bathroom, nosed into the corner like it was in shock. I had a system now, though, so I again got the flyswatter and out the door it went.

The next visitor to my bedroom was a baby rattlesnake. My brother, Tim, was here with a crew of guys and they were working out front landscaping in preparation for Jen and Zac's wedding. Zac was helping Tim but had come in for a drink of water. He happened to glance down the hallway and he saw several of our cats in my room, acting somewhat suspiciously. He went down to my room and found a small, injured and bleeding, but alive, snake. Without thinking, he picked it up and carried it outside to my brother. "Look what I found in Mom's room!" My brother replied, "Uh, Zac, you got a baby rattlesnake there." Zac quickly dropped it and someone finished it off. Don't cry for the snake. Cry for me! How does a snake get in my room? I don't have a cat door simply because I figure the cats would bring me lots of presents. So my guess is that a cat walked through an open door with a snake hanging out of it's mouth and no one noticed! Not acceptable.

Though the next guest was in my room, it was my youngest daughter, Melissa, that suffered. It was a hot summer night and there were quite a few people here swimming. Melissa was headed out to the pool and for some reason, she decided to go out the sliding glass door in my room. She didn't bother to turn on the light but she would live to regret that decision. As she crossed the threshold of the door she stepped in something very squishy, slimy and gross. She didn't know what it was but she knew it wasn't good. She panicked and ran out the door, screaming bloody murder. (If you know Melissa, you know she has a flair for the dramatic.) She jumped onto the steps of the pool, frantically trying to get the gunk off her foot. At the sound of all the commotion, I headed back to my room to see what the problem was. When I turned on my light I saw a disemboweled rat right at my sliding glass door. It had a footprint in the middle of it! Ewww! When Melissa found out what she had stepped on the screaming started all over again. I never blamed her for being so grossed out but the rest of us did get a good laugh out of her distress. Again, however, I must ask the question, "How does no one see a cat walk in with a rat in it's mouth?"

More recently, I was sitting in bed one night reading when I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye. I was startled to see a mouse run across my bedroom and hide under my cedar chest. Great! I'm not afraid of mice but how do you really sleep comfortably knowing you have that sort of company? I looked and looked but couldn't find the mouse so I finally went back to my reading. Eventually, it again made a run for it. I opened my screen door and after multiple attempts I somehow managed to herd it out the door. This technique would prove useful for my next, and latest, non-human visitor.

It was a Sunday afternoon and I was contentedly lounging in bed after church watching HGTV. As an added bonus, we had leftovers from Brandon (my son-in-law's brother) and Melissa's rehearsal dinner and they were delicious. I happily walked out to the kitchen, fixed my plate of leftovers, and then headed back towards my room. To my shock, there was a small snake right in the doorway of my room. I'm sure it wasn't there a few minutes earlier. Now what? Home alone. I put down my plate and ran for the garage to find a weapon of some sort. I grabbed a large bucket. I don't think I was thinking too clearly because that dang bucket really did me no good. Whatever! This was a true crisis! I ran across the patio and entered my bedroom through the infamous sliding glass door, assuming that I would have the element of surprise on my side. The snake was gone!! I couldn't believe it! I was going to have to sell the house and move. I may have tolerated a mouse in my room but I sure wasn't going to put up with a snake in there. I began to cry out loud to God. "Please!!! Don't do this! Show me that snake. I can't take it!" And God, in His mercy, answered. Again, like the mouse before it, I caught slight movement off to the right. There was the snake curled up and hiding behind a small suitcase that was sitting on my floor. It had just missed going into my closet. That would have been a disaster! It could live in my closet for years and never be found. Anyway, I looked at the snake closely and determined that it was not a rattlesnake. That meant it could live, just not in my room. Looked at the snake again. Looked at my bucket. I tried to coax the snake into the bucket but it wasn't having any of that. I finally used the bucket to sort of nudge the snake and it suddenly darted right out my sliding glass door. To this day, I know that unseen heavenly hands guided him and I'm thankful!!

Did I mention that my bedroom is my refuge and my sanctuary?

Grammy Dates

I have the privilege of having four of my six grandchildren living in the same town as me. Recently, I had a couple of days off from work so I decided to get some special, dedicated time with the three older grandkids. The first day, I picked up Gabriel and Logan and took them to the beach in Cambria for the afternoon, then a slumber party at my house, then a swim in the morning and finally returned them home. I picked up Felicity, my only local granddaughter next, spent the afternoon with her painting pottery, having an ice cream cone, going to a park in Santa Margarita, a slumber party/movie night at my house and then home for her. It was wonderful and exhausting!! I am so blessed to have them so close by.

This is at the park at Moonstone Beach in Cambria. The boys played there for hours.

They truly enjoyed each other's company.

They worked together to try to get this large piece of driftwood back into the ocean. They eventually abandoned this piece in favor of a slighter smaller one.

Here they are admiring their efforts.

Had to climb a tree just before leaving the park.

 Swimming by 10:00 a.m. the next morning - cold water didn't seem to bother them at all.

Next day was Lissy's turn. Notice the concentration at the Paint Your Own Pottery place in Atascadero.



Next, what could be better on a hot day than a Rite-Aid ice cream cone? Grammy's Rite-Aid cone! Yep, Lissy's cone took a nose dive onto the pavement right after we left the store. Oh well, at least we had a backup!

Visited a beautiful little park in Santa Margarita and we were the only ones there.



Again, notice the intense concentration.

Isn't she beautiful? Inside and out!

Sweet Lissy didn't quite make it all the way through the movie!

I am so grateful to God for my precious family.

Retreat

My mom died on May 23rd after almost three years in a nursing home and several years of illness prior to that. I rejoice that she is now in heaven and free from pain and sorrow but it was a long haul for me and I was pretty depleted spiritually and emotionally. I had a few days off after her memorial service in June so I decided to go on a little mini-retreat, hoping and longing for some serious refreshment from God.

I spent 3 nights in Cambria. The first two nights I was by myself and then on the 3rd night, a very good friend from Santa Barbara joined me. I spent time walking on the beach, got a fabulous massage, went to a restaurant all by myself for dinner, read an entire book, prayed a lot, and listened to a sermon on C.D. I tried to pick out markers - summary points that I really felt God was asking me to focus on. Here's what I came up with...

1. I need to focus on God and God alone. I've been far too focused on Paul. (from the song "Be Thou My Vision".)

"Thou and Thou only, first in my heart. High King of heaven, my treasure Thou art!"  

I was listening to that song, (the version done by Selah) as I drove over to the coast and it hit me. I pulled off the road and stopped to pray for a few minutes and even set up a little reminder for myself by stacking small stones on top of a large boulder.

2. ALL my sin is nailed to the cross. It is not my burden to bear. This is what can bring me peace and contentment. (Also from a song - "It Is Well With My Soul") About the time I was listening to this song and pondering the freedom that Christ gives me, I passed these horses. I just had to stop and take a picture because, at that moment, I felt God was giving me a visual of freedom in Him.

3. "The silence of Jesus is not the silence of indifference. It's the silence of higher thoughts."

This was a point from the sermon I listened to. I've thought about it a lot. I think each member of my family has felt that God has been silent. It is reassuring to me to believe and know that He is not indifferent to me. He's working, He's in control, He will take each one of us through whatever.

4. "Faith is the trust that Jesus can help me and the determination to keep coming to Him until He does." (also from the sermon)

5. "God never sends me out alone. I journey in the company of the Holy Spirit. So make friends with whatever's next. Embrace it. Accept it. Don't resist it." (I think this was from the book I read)

In addition to doing a lot of praying, I spent time trying to apply those 5 points to my life. I am still working on that. I also read the book "Fearless" by Max Lucado. It was excellent and very applicable. I think I am going to read it again soon. I made a short list of my top fears. Not sure what to do with that list yet but it seemed beneficial to actually write them down. I wrote down 6 fears although it's not an exhaustive list. They are:

Fear of failure

Fear of conflict

Fear of humiliating myself

Fear of loneliness

Fear of loved ones not being saved

Fear of anger (both my own and others)

And finally, I've thought a lot about the fact that I live with a lot of regrets (which produces guilt) and I tend to focus on the regrets. I want to start practicing living a life of joy in the moment and concentrating on what is truly important and then not looking back so much. For example, my adopted daughter and her family were here for 6 weeks. They left and immediately I was filled with regret for what I didn't do. I didn't take my little granddaughter anywhere fun. I didn't spend enough quality time with them. I didn't cook them nice meals. And on and on. The fact of the matter is that my mom was sick, then died, and I took care of all that, while they were here. I did the best I could. And if it wasn't what I would have wanted then I need to think about that and make sure that next time I do it better. (Maybe I'm over-analyzing all this but I'm just trying to change my perspective.) The book asked, "Are you spending life on the edge of the pool? Consulting caution and ignoring faith? For fear of the worst, some never enjoy life at its best."

Lastly, I made a very short list of 4 things that I would like to see changed in my life. They are:

Capture the joy of my salvation

Get back into a ministry outside of my immediate family

Go to sleep without crying about Paul

Lose 20 pounds

We'll see how I do with these goals. It's going to take some time. I figure 3 out of the 4 are attainable. Guess which one I'm not confident of.