I work in a dental office and consequently, a large number of
people with very diverse lives cross my path. These days, I am often struck by
the hardships that are hidden from public view but that I hear about after a
visit or two. Life is hard for many people and there is pain out there that
seems overwhelming at times. Loneliness, grief, sickness, abandonment,
betrayal, financial struggles, divided relationships and families, aging. The
list goes on and on and none of us are immune. We each have something that is
hard to bear.
It is traditional, at least in the United States, for us to have
high expectations for the Christmas season. I imagine creatively chosen gifts
that the recipients think are fabulous, thoughtful and sentimental homemade
offerings that will be lovingly remembered, no credit card bills, organized
planning so that all is ready ahead of time, decorations worthy of Martha
Stewart, fragrant aromas coming from a perfectly executed dinner, family
togetherness and harmony, restful reflection, grandchildren listening
attentively and quietly to the Christmas story, and an opportunity to focus on
the miracle of Christ's birth in a way that I don't accomplish the rest of the
year. Surely, I'm not alone in dreaming of this scenario.
Seriously? Who am I kidding? The reality is that I am still
struggling with the pain of not having a husband to share anything with and
stress and worry about where my life is right now and what I'm supposed to do
about it. Needless to say, my high expectations set me up for failure and
disappointment every time. Discouragement has set in and anxiety has taken over.
Shopping felt last minute and I am uncertain of my choices. There are no
homemade ornaments this year because I just couldn't get it together. I did
resist the whole credit card trap but I definitely spent more than I had
planned. There is a tree up with a few decorations on it but the other
Christmas paraphernalia is spread out all over the living room floor. The
dining room table is covered with unfinished sewing, there are no menus
planned, and there has certainly been no restful reflection or focus on the
Savior's birth. So far, not even any Christmas music!!
It is all very troubling to me. I have recently finished a Bible
Study on God's sovereignty and it was life changing. It has caused me to
examine my life with a different perspective. I know that anxiety is a sin,
born of pride, and I am conscience of the fact that God uses adversity in my
life for His purposes, His glory, and my good. I'm doing fairly well with that
concept. But start to throw in my family and there my trust seems to falter. I
HATE to see my kids, my dad, or my brother struggle with anything. I long for
all to be cohesive, pleasant, loving, and easy. Let's serve others! Let's
comfort those in need. Let's minister to the minions. Let's NOT have the
distress or sorrow inside our own walls!
I want to recoil from pain. I want to cry out to God to remove it.
I attempt to control an outcome rather than waiting and responding to God. I
wrestle against Him instead of with Him. I
read a devotional recently that talked about how, as we ponder the Christmas
miracle, we usually leave out the pain of that time. Think about Mary, a young
but devout girl, willingly saying, "May it be done to me according to Your
Word." She risked rejection and persecution due to her "illegitimate"
pregnancy. Then think about the pain in Bethlehem when Herod ordered the murder
of all the little boys! Jesus' birth, the best day for us as believers, brought
unimaginable pain as well. The link below is to the devotional I read:
I don't have the corner on suffering and I am convicted about how
I respond to it. I want to learn to receive my life, knowing it is from the
hand of God, and stop fighting it so. Can I say to God, as Mary did, "Let
it be according to Your Word?" That is my genuine hope and desire but I am
a work in progress. Thankfully, God is infinitely patient!
P.S.
I don't know much about this book yet,
but this is what I've decided to read next. It's called, "anything:
the prayer that unlocked my God and my Soul." It sounds applicable
to what I've been thinking about. Anybody care to join me?
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