The Tree Outside My Window

My bedroom window is right over the head of my bed and faces east. Sometimes, when the moon is full, I enjoy just lying in bed and looking out the window as the moon passes over me. In the daytime, my bedroom window provides a beautiful view of the vineyards surrounding me as well as the hills in the distance. I never tire of looking.

Though I live on 14 acres I really can't grow anything. I loathe yardwork. I enjoy the peace and solitude that country living provides but have been unable to embrace the whole "live off the land" thing. We have been experiencing a drought for several years and that doesn't help either. Even if I wanted to grow something, keeping it alive affordably is an issue.

Randomly, native shrubs, bushes, or even trees will spring up. Because they are green I welcome them. I figure they know where they will thrive and it's better than a weed or thistle. And then one sprang up under my bedroom window. I didn't even notice it for a long time. My window starts at about three and a half feet above the ground and since it faces out back where I rarely walk, I wasn't aware of this new little shrub until it peeked over the bottom edge of my sill. It grew up slowly but steadily and for a while I thought it would do no harm. It was the only green thing out there and it was a decent looking bush as opposed to the many dead bushes that line my driveway.

But then it began to obstruct my view and blocked the incoming light. What had begun innocently enough suddenly loomed over the whole window. In the morning I would awaken to darkness and where once I could gaze out and see for miles, now I just saw leaves. Even then I did nothing. I told myself that the leaves were pretty and that it was providing a home for the birds. Eventually, I had to admit that it was simply not acceptable for that bush to be there. But when I walked out back to get a really good look at it I was amazed. It was so much larger than I realized. It spread wider than the borders of my window and there was much of it that I had been unable to see through the confines of the glass. It had to go! And yet, it seemed overwhelming for me to try to cut down. And so, for a time, I returned to doing nothing about it.

Finally one day, in a fit of sudden determination, I walked out back with a small hand saw and attacked an outlying branch. As soon as that branch was gone it gave me access to more of the interloper. I kept sawing methodically as each branch was revealed until all were cut off and had been dragged further out back into a pile to be burned.

The stumps remain. I didn't (and never will) have the energy to dig them out. Consequently, the bush may re-grow, sending out new shoots. But I know better now. I'm keeping an eye on it and am committed to preventing regrowth as soon as it makes an appearance. It is so much easier to cut off a tiny little twig than to exhaustingly wrestle with a full-blown outbreak.

So it is with sin in our lives. Often, we aren't even aware of its birth. We don't notice until it peeks over our horizon. But by then, it has taken root and there is much that is unseen. We may tell ourselves that it is harmless, even attractive, until one day, we recognize that the sin is covering up our view of God and is a barrier to living in His light. When my husband and I split up I just about drove myself crazy wondering. I wasn't asking God why He had done this to me. I wasn't blaming God. I just felt that if I could understand my husband, if I could hear what was going on in his head, if I could glimpse my contributions to our problems, then I could make peace with my situation.

It wasn't until almost five years after my husband left me that God revealed my sin to me through a Bible study on God's sovereignty. God's wisdom is infinite and "His understanding has no limit." (Psalm 147:5) God's purposes are for HIS glory and for my good. And what is the good that God desires for me? The good that God works in my life is conformity to the likeness of Jesus Christ. God isn't obligated to explain what He does or allows. He is God! I can trust Him fully because, through His Word, I can know Him. God gently showed me that even in my "innocent" desire for understanding, I was unwilling to live with my circumstances without a rational (i.e. human) explanation for what had happened to me. I needed to surrender that desire for understanding to God. My pain, sadness, loss, and loneliness were not my sins. I needed to quiet my heart before God and simply allow Him to be God.

I'm grateful that God is so patient with me as I struggle to learn to trust Him more fully. My view is restored but I am aware that, at any time, a small twig of sin may burst forth. I'm praying that God will show that to me so that, with His divine guidance, I can nip it in the bud instead of allowing it to grow and thrive for years.