http://cambriadayspa.com/massage/ ,
shortly after my mom had died. I had a few days off and I spent them at a little motel on Moonstone Beach and took a chance and booked a massage with her after finding her online. She is fabulous! At the time, I was driving over to Cambria about once a month or so to see a counselor. I began to make a day of it. I would go to my counseling appointment, get a massage, and then sit at the beach and ponder life. Talk about a day of therapy! Anyway, this blog isn't really about a massage. But though I no longer go over to the coast for counseling (which, by the way, was with an awesome professional who now believes I'm healthy ☺ ), I have managed to occasionally continue the massage routine. It takes me about 45 minutes from my house to drive over and I tend to listen to praise music and pray most of the way. It has become a time for me to focus on the Lord in ways that I seem to struggle with when I'm at home. I wasn't feeling the greatest today because I had stayed up until 3:00 a.m. helping Melissa with a project and I'm a bit too old for that sort of thing. Nevertheless, I was looking forward to the afternoon.
As I drove and prayed, I was specifically asking the Lord for His joy. I have been realizing that if I truly grasped His enormous sacrifice and the gift of His grace I would be loudly rejoicing and singing His praises, no matter what the circumstances of life. He knows all the hurts of the past few years so today I didn't bore Him with my list of offenses. Instead, I looked more inward, at the sin that is so entrenched in my own heart. He gently revealed to me that even when I am praying, my motives are often so completely self-centered and sometimes an attempt at manipulation. (As if I could manipulate the Creator!) As I confessed sin to Him, I began to try to imagine what it might feel like to be completely rid of the burden of sin. Right about that time, the song "His Eye Is On The Sparrow" began to play.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOm2mMusqUw
I was so struck by the words, especially as I heard,
"So I sing because I'm happy. And I sing because I'm free!"
I had asked God to speak to me on the drive over and wouldn't you know it! He did. I am free from the burden of sin. God has forgiven me and Christ paid my ransom. I can beat myself up about my sin all the time but it won't change the fact that God chose me and I am His! And someday, I won't sin anymore. That will be so awesome. Unimaginable, really. I spent the rest of the drive just reflecting on God's goodness to me and singing along to my C.D. Also, I figure in heaven, I'll be able to carry a tune!
God wasn't done talking to me, though. I might be weird, but when I'm lying on the massage table, I think some pretty deep thoughts and I also do some praying. It takes me probably half an hour to actually relax and turn my mind off. Anyway, as I mentioned, I wasn't feeling too great. I was praying that God would enable me to relax enough to enjoy what I had paid for and I found myself thinking about our physical bodies. Let's face it - when you are naked, face down on a table, and your clothes are out of reach, there is a lot to think about. Seriously, though, I began to think about Jesus and his physical body. I seem to avoid remembering that while He was on earth, He had physical and emotional constraints just like me. He hurt and felt sorrow, I knew that. But then I found myself wondering if He felt embarrassment or humiliation. Did He cringe inside as He was led to His crucifixtion? Was He ashamed of His nakedness when He was hung on the cross? On a less significant scale, did He ever wonder when the next bush was going to appear because He had to go to the bathroom? I don't mean to sound irreverent. Not at all! I just don't slow down enough to contemplate some of these mysteries. For those moments, as I considered these things, Christ assured me, in a new way, that He definitely knows my struggles - my physical limitations (as you know, I have entered my 60's and I am going kicking and screaming) and He also understands all my emotional dilemmas. I am not alone! Finally, I relaxed, with a smile on my face, as I rested in the knowledge that God had been waiting for me. I just needed to listen. I returned home, rejuvenated in body and spirit. And I sang, because I'm free!!
Matthew 11:28-30
New International Version (NIV)
28 “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
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