The Unseen

Three years ago today Paul walked out of my life. How long will I mark time in this way? I feel the anger welling up in me and I struggle to keep it under wraps. I can't stop thinking about the part in II Corinthians 4 where it says,

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;".

I like the way The Message says it...

"We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken."


Corinthians was written to believers who were suffering because of their faith. I can't say that is the case for me. It's not a "holy suffering." It's just plain old "I live in a sinful world" sort of pain. Of course, on top of my marriage dissolving, there are always other stresses, some very difficult and personal and every bit as heartbreaking as infidelity. What can I say about myself? I'd like to be able to confidently declare that I don't feel despair or demoralization. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. However, God is sustaining me and maybe I just can't see around the corner. So this is my loose paraphrase of II Cor. 4:8-9 ...

"I have been distressed by circumstances so constantly and for such a long time now but I have not given up. I get up every morning and face the day, most often, now, fairly effectively. But even on my bad days, I never completely throw in the towel and I do not  blame God (though occasionally He and I may have had strong words). I am definitely puzzled by God's plans and intentions for me. I often wonder if I'll ever be useful to Him and I question whether I will ever get over myself and move on. But I know that He is in charge and I recognize that I would screw things up if I were the boss. So I try to trust that God knows best and I accept that He is not required to tell me the future. When despair or sadness overtakes me, I hang on and ride it out because I know from experience that this heaviness will pass. I sense at times that my struggles are attacks from Satan but I know that God will never abandon me. I am not alone and I must believe that in my heart even when my head tells me otherwise. I've been knocked down, humiliated, disrespected, ignored, called names, used, and taken for granted. I've also had to take a good hard look at my own sins and faults and face them head on. Through it all, I HAVE NOT BEEN BROKEN OR DESTROYED." Praise God!!

II Corinthians 4:16-18

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.