My Car

I drive a 1997 Buick Le Sabre. Don't mock me. You know you want it! Seriously, my almost-ex got the nice Ford F-150 and I got the Granny-Mobile but I'm not complaining. It runs and I'm grateful for that. I've never had an accident until last year (though it hardly counts as an accident) when I turned a little too soon backing out of the parking lot where I had just gotten my hair done. (It had been a stressful year, after all.) Bam - hit a tree with the front driver's side. All was well, though. The headlight still worked, thankfully, so I simply came home and duck taped it all together. Worked great and still does. I'd send the picture of it into WhiteTrashRepairs.com but I did too good a job on it.

Anyway, as fond as I am of the old car, it has become a little quirky. A couple of weeks ago I was in the Kohl's parking lot getting ready to go use my 30% off coupon. As I walked away from my car the horn started blaring. I don't mean the intermittent honking when your car alarm goes off. This baby was like a constant air raid siren. I tried everything to get it to stop but failed. I finally decided I would have to bust it for home and just abandon the car in the driveway until the battery died. As luck would have it, it was about 5:45 p.m. so everyone was headed home from work. I prayed for green lights as I attempted to exit the parking lot. Nope. Hit the red light and was surrounded by cars, all the while my horn blaring. I kept smiling at people around me, shrugging my shoulders innocently, and hoping no one decided to flip me off or worse. Finally the light turned green and I got through the intersection and headed over the bridge, again praying for a green light. Nope. Hit the red light again. Two very nice looking young men were in a small pickup truck next to me, in the left turn lane, waiting to get on the freeway. They were both staring at me (as was everyone else) and the passenger started talking to me. Unfortunately, the horn inside my car was deafening and I couldn't hear a thing. I would have rolled down my window but (here's another quirk) the driver's side window no longer rolls down. I had to open my door (still in rush hour traffic) to hear what he was saying. He asked me if I wanted the fuse undone. What? Fuse? I have a vague idea of what a fuse is but no idea where it is. I yelled back that I really didn't know what the problem was and consequently didn't know what the solution would be either. He motioned me to pull over.

When the light turned green I went through the intersection and pulled over and they got out of the turn lane and followed me. We all got out of our cars and I explained my dilemma. The driver started fiddling under the hood and pretty soon he had disconnected the horn. Oh the blissful silence! He told me that this would hold me until I could get it fixed but I told him I was too timid to honk at anyone anyway so I was fine with no horn. He then asked if he could get in the car and check my fuses. I told him I didn't care but that I didn't want to take up anymore of their time. His passenger politely said that they'd just done their grocery shopping, were headed to Target and then home for a movie. They had been afraid that there was an emergency at the power plant and thought my horn might be the warning system. I thanked them profusely and then headed back to Kohl's. After all, I still had that 30% off coupon.

You'd think that would be the end of it. Almost. The other day, the horn went off again. How was that possible? I could see the dangling wire that had been disconnected. Turns out I have a horn on each side. During my lunch hour I quickly stopped in at my awesome mechanic's shop where the other horn and a relay (whatever that is) was disconnected. I can now, officially, not make a peep!